“I carried a lot of guilt for a long time.”
Even at the age of 40, dance teacher Sarah Kopp still struggles with feelings of self-blame.
It is the peculiar legacy of a particularly insidious type of crime.
Sarah had just started year 10 when she met Grealy. (Supplied: Sarah Kopp)
Sarah was a 15-year-old schoolgirl who had dreams of being a dancer when physical education teacher Paul Grealy up-ended her life.
In many ways, it was a textbook case of grooming — the compliments he used to flatter her, the innocent touches that turned sexual, and the fear that stopped Sarah from sharing their “secret”.
But then comes the twist.
Sarah married her abuser and had his children. Which makes her fight for justice decades later even more remarkable.
Loading…’Cool’ teacher noticed ‘little me’
Sarah Kopp describes her younger self as an “A-grade nerd” who simply wanted to “please her teachers” while at Urangan State High School in Hervey Bay, Queensland.
Her father abandoned her mother, Debra, while she was pregnant with Sarah. Shortly after Sarah was born, her mother moved them to the tourist town to be close to Debra’s parents.
“It was a bit of a struggle. I always wanted to know who my dad was, where I fitted into the world,” Sarah tells Australian Story.
That emotional void would make her particularly vulnerable when teacher Paul Grealy arrived at her school.
Amanda says Grealy caused “a buzz” when he arrived at Urangan High in 2000. (Australian Story: Megan Mackander)
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Within days of starting at Urangan High in 2000, the charismatic Grealy was causing a buzz among students.
“He didn’t have the same boundaries as other teachers,” says Sarah’s friend Amanda French.
Sarah, who had just started year 10, recalls he had “a vibe” about him and that “he was really cool”.
He soon started to show a special interest in Sarah and, during gym classes, singled her out for praise. Her school friend Jasmin Weakley observed the impact Grealy was having.
“I’m sure he made her feel good about herself. I am sure that’s what he intended,” she says.
Amanda and Sarah became friends through dancing. (Supplied: Sarah Kopp)
Over time, the 31-year-old teacher grew increasingly brazen. His compliments about Sarah’s athletic abilities turned into observations about her “muscle bum”, which she found both “scandalous” and “exciting”. Accidental touches in gym class became undeniably deliberate.
“Here was an older man noticing little me,” Sarah explains.
Grealy wove his way deeper into Sarah’s affections and then, very quickly, into her mother’s.
Debra Kopp was socially withdrawn, a quiet woman with few adult friends.
“She was so shy, it was almost like Sarah was the parent at times,” Amanda says.
When Grealy sent Debra Kopp condolence flowers following her father’s death, she was touched.
“I thought it was so kind of him,” she says.
Debra began inviting Grealy for dinner, where he talked highly of Sarah and entertained the pair.
Debra had no idea that she, too, was being groomed by Grealy, nor did she anticipate what he would do a few weeks later.
Sarah and her mum Debra pictured in 2001. (Supplied: Sarah Kopp)
Towards the end of the school year, when Sarah was home alone sick, Grealy offered to come over and look after her.
Arriving with chicken soup and a movie, he quickly made his move.
Grealy began kissing Sarah and then commandeered her into a series of sexual acts.
“I just froze,” she says, visibly distressed at the memories.
“I was a 15-year-old kid and I was just following along, like, no clue.”
When Grealy swore her to secrecy, Sarah complied, terrified of getting him and herself into trouble. She battled conflicting emotions — excitement that she had done “one thing” her friends had not, but also she had doubts about whether she “liked the stuff”.
Sarah left Hervey Bay toward the end of year 11 to move to Brisbane with Grealy. The pair pictured in 2002. (Supplied: Sarah Kopp)
Grealy continued to visit Sarah’s house for dinner, waiting until her mother had gone to bed before engaging her in further sexual acts.
“Even though he didn’t have vaginal sex with me until I was 16, he got a kick out of pushing the boundaries and doing quite daring things,” she says.
“He would say things like, ‘good job, cutie’. I felt very much like I was a kid being … praised by my teacher.”
As Sarah began spending more and more time with Grealy, her school marks and social life started to suffer.
Amanda recalls the dramatic transformation in her friend.
“She went from being really gregarious … probably the most confident person I know … instead, she was becoming more and more isolated.”
When Grealy left Hervey Bay for Brisbane early in year 11, Sarah followed, lured by the promise of a place in a dance school, which never materialised.
Time capsule hints at Sarah’s secret
Sarah’s handwritten note included in the time capsule reveals her feelings as a 15-year-old keeping a secret. (Australian Story)
It is hard to know who at Urangan High knew about Sarah Kopp and Paul Grealy, but there were certainly teachers who suspected something.
After Sarah had left, one of those teachers had her suspicions confirmed after opening a time capsule project where Sarah had partly divulged her “secret” in a series of cryptic notes.
It was enough for the Queensland Department of Education to get in touch with Debra to find out more.
But forewarned by Sarah that a call was coming, her mother kept to the script.
“I told them that he was my friend,” Debra says ruefully.
Sarah pictured in year 12 after leaving home and changing schools. (Supplied: Sarah Kopp)
Sarah completed her final year of school in Brisbane, where she continued seeing Grealy, but it was an on-and-off relationship with an enormous power imbalance, according to her friends.
In 2006, Amanda says she was “gutted” when 21-year-old Sarah told her she was pregnant and planning to marry Grealy.
“She’s totally going to be under this guy’s control from here on in,” Amanda remembers thinking when she heard the news.
Things turn toxic
Grealy and Sarah pictured in 2005, three years after she finished high school. (Supplied: Sarah Kopp)
The couple had two children, but it was not a happy marriage, according to Sarah, who felt she did not have a voice.
There was a lot of hostility and the pair were constantly at loggerheads.
Sarah and Grealy on their wedding day. (Supplied: Sarah Kopp)
“They lived with me during their marriage,” Debra says.
“You had to walk around careful not to … upset [Paul] because he was easily upset about things.”
Sarah says she would often become angry, mainly out of frustration, and sought help from psychologists after Grealy told her she had “anger management” issues.
“They actually reassured me that I didn’t … that the way I was feeling and behaving was pretty consistent with being stuck in a toxic relationship,” she says.
It took Sarah some time to accept that “things weren’t right” and after eight years, the marriage ended.
Sarah faces an impossible choice
Sarah started rebuilding her life, returning to university and graduating with a degree in dance.
But she was not able to put the past behind her.
“The more distance she got from him, she was sort of processing not just what happened to her in the marriage, but from when she was 15,” Amanda says.
Amanda joins in Sarah’s celebration after graduating university. (Supplied: Sarah Kopp)
Grealy was still teaching, and Sarah debated whether she should report him to the police.
It wasn’t an easy decision. She feared the justice system could not deal with a story like hers. After all, she had married and had two children with her abuser, something she feared would diminish Grealy’s crime.
Sarah also realised how confusing and confronting it would be for her children.
But in 2018, wanting them to understand right from wrong, she walked into Brisbane’s Ferny Grove police station and reported Grealy, believing nothing would come of it.
There she met Detective Senior Constable Julia Ward and poured out her story.
“I was left in no doubt that she was very credible right from the get-go,” the detective tells Australian Story.
Detective Senior Constable Ward says Sarah showed courage in sharing her story and reporting her former husband. (Australian Story: Marc Smith)
In 2020, Ward arrested Grealy and he was charged with one count of maintaining an unlawful relationship with a child and several charges of indecent treatment of a child under 16.
Sarah welcomed the news of Grealy’s arrest, but understood how difficult it was for her children.
“It was a shock at first,” says Sarah’s daughter, whom Australian Story has chosen not to name.
“Dad said he would go to jail, and I was worried for him and for the family.”
Grealy began begging the kids to get their mother to drop the charges, and Sarah had to explain to the children why she had chosen this path.
Sarah’s daughter, who was 15 when her father was arrested, came to understand just how vulnerable her mother was when her father abused her.
“It was wrong,” she says.
“He broke the law.”
Sarah and Grealy went on to have two children together. (Supplied: Sarah Kopp)
An ‘incredible’ outcome
When Paul Grealy’s trial started in April last year, Sarah was far from confident a jury would find him guilty.
But there was one witness whose evidence would prove crucial.
“It was my time to stand up and say, ‘This is what happened,'” says Sarah’s mother, Debra, who was determined to make amends for not speaking out earlier.
In the end, Grealy was found guilty of five counts of indecent treatment of a child under 16 and one count of maintaining an unlawful relationship with a child.
For Sarah, who had feared that she would never be believed, the verdict was overwhelming.
“I just burst into tears,” she remembers.
“It was just incredible.”
Grealy was sentenced to two-and-a-half years’ jail and was released in August after serving 15 months. He recently applied for an extension of time to appeal his conviction.
The ‘lifelong impact’ and Sarah’s mission
Sarah has started a charity that educates students, teachers and parents on the red flags of grooming. (Australian Story: Marc Smith)
Sarah understands how insidious grooming is and the devastating impacts it can have.
“I think my role now is to use the horrible things that happened to me … to hopefully protect future students from going through similar things,” she says.
Amanda has stood by Sarah’s side for more than 25 years. (Australian Story)
Last month, she launched Step In For Kids, a program designed to protect young people from grooming and its life-changing consequences.
“People need to understand … this didn’t just happen to Sarah when she was 15; the ripple effect that this has had, that’s a lifelong impact,” Amanda says.
But she can see “glimmers of the old Sarah coming back”.
As she embarks on her new endeavour, Sarah says she is building something her children can be proud of.
“For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m doing something that’s really meaningful.”
Sarah says she feels like she’s turning her life around. (Australian Story)
Watch Australian Story’s ‘Only Fifteen’ tonight at 8 (AEST) on ABCTV and ABC iview.
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