The Nationals are once again, in the words of Chris Bowen, “having a normal one”.

Another Monday, another parliamentary week, another chapter in the seemingly never-ending story of the Coalition putting its fingers in its ears and screaming as they debate whether to ignore global momentum, scientific consensus and pleas from the business community, and seek to relitigate a position on net zero reached four years ago by the Morrison government.

It seems like aeons ago. As Barnaby Joyce walks out of the Nationals party room in the latest sign some in the Coalition are in no rush to finish their ugly airing of grievances, it could be at least that long again before conservatives make it back to government.

But it’s worth remembering the Coalition’s 2021 net zero pledge was reached by Scott “this is coal, don’t be afraid” Morrison and his deputy prime minister: none other than Joyce himself.

You wouldn’t know it from the way Joyce – resplendent in brown boots, brown pants and a mission to kill net zero – wandered the press gallery for much of the morning, giving multiple media interviews and doing the political equivalent of the hokey-pokey: he’ll sit in with the Nationals in parliament, but he’ll sit out of the party room; he’s still a member of the Nationals, but is out at the next election; he’s going out as member for New England, but hasn’t ruled out coming back as part of a different chapter of his political career with One Nation.

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The Nationals leader, David Littleproud, injecting some rare common sense into the argument on his side of politics, stressed the rural party couldn’t simply say no to net zero, but had to come up with “a credible alternative” climate policy of their own. He told a press conference that, while the views of Joyce and others were well-known, the Nationals had agreed on “a structured process we’re going to calmly walk ourselves through”.

Never mind that Joyce had decided to calmly walk himself out of the party room instead of calmly walking through the process.

Were Littleproud’s green tie and green spectacles a subtle sign of his newfound reincarnation as a green warrior? Not exactly. He said Joyce would still be welcome back into the Nationals fold – but his criticisms of unnamed sources seeking to “beat your chest and say no” and “protest parties” were not hard to interpret. Littleproud said they would take the time to “get it right” and come up with an alternative if needed, but said he wanted the issue done by Christmas.

Business groups are briefing the Coalition parties on Murray Watt’s environmental changes, and privately calling for the climate wars to end. Business Council chief Bran Black said his members remained “very much committed to net zero”, saying corporate Australia needed certainty – an end to ever-changing policy – to invest and grow.

Nationals senator Matt Canavan presented part of his net zero report to the party room on Monday. Another former leader Michael McCormack – who joined Joyce in a rare unity position against net zero in July – said Canavan’s initial findings were “credible”, and that he looked forward to the rest of the process.

Barnaby Joyce speaks to journalists in Parliament House on Monday. Photograph: Mick Tsikas/AAP

Not everyone was interested in continuing the Coalition’s agonising public therapy sessions. Tim Wilson, one of the few opposition MPs actually interested in holding the government to account (historically an important part of being an opposition), was asked about net zero in a press conference.

Wilson replied quick smart: “My focus is on having net zero tolerance for corruption on Australian construction sites.”

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Joyce, the man who wasn’t there (in the Nationals meeting), did take up his usual spot in the nosebleed section of the parliamentary benches, perched next to fellow environmental sceptic Colin Boyce in the back rows of the opposition, alongside the recently self-demoted Andrew Hastie; Llew O’Brien, who had raised another Coalition split; and Tony Pasin, the sole voice speaking on Joyce’s anti-net zero bill in the House on Monday.

Joyce became the man who wasn’t there once more when he temporarily slipped out of the chamber midway through question time, leaving behind only a manila folder. His absence was highlighted further when seat-mate Boyce asked a question, and the camera showed Joyce’s conspicuously empty chair.

In question time, rookie Labor MP Julie Ann-Campbell asked energy minister Chris Bowen a dixer about cheaper energy and “why is unity so important in getting that done?”

The emphasis on the second part of the question was clear. Bowen responded the opposition “have been having a completely normal one”.

“Former leader of a federal political party going to One Nation, what could go wrong? Never seen that before. But they deserve each other.”

Joyce, back in the chamber, looked up from his paperwork to stare stony-faced at Bowen.

The former deputy prime minister has likened his relationship with the Nationals and Littleproud as a marriage “irretrievably broken down”. He said it would be a “hypothetical” to ask whether he’d go back to the Nationals if they scrapped net zero – but it seems like he will formalise the trial separation if they keep it.