‘I’m grieving, but I’m still trying to be strong and joyful for other people,’ says Jane Sutcliffe, who feels the holidays are marked by grief, exhaustion, and quiet resilience
The week leading up to Christmas is often wrapped in lights, music, and expectations of joy.
But for many people, the season carries a different weight, one shaped by grief, financial stress, loneliness, and the quiet pressure to appear happy when they are not.
For Jane Sutcliffe, that weight has been especially heavy this year.
Sutcliffe, 55, says the holidays have become a time when it feels harder to keep going, even as the world around her moves full speed into celebration.
“Everybody’s decorating, being happy, doing all of that,” she said, “and right now, I just can’t do it.”
Even simple social plans can feel overwhelming. Sutcliffe recently decided not to attend a Christmas potluck with friends, feeling they might enjoy themselves more without her there.
The season has also reopened deep grief. Her father’s birthday falls on Dec. 22, the second birthday since his death in September 2023, and the loss still sits close.
“That’s still very much there.” she said. “I’m grieving, but I’m still trying to be strong and joyful for other people.”
Sutcliffe has a 32-year-old daughter, whose birthday falls on the day after her late father’s, and three young grandchildren in Gravenhurst who “mean the world” to her. Even so, she said this year has left her feeling disconnected from traditions she once leaned on.
“I don’t even have decorations up,” she said.
Following her father’s death and growing pressure at work, Sutcliffe experienced a serious mental health crisis in 2023 and later received care through Orillia Soldiers’ Memorial Hospital-based programs. She credits outpatient services and ongoing support for helping her through a period she now describes as overwhelming.
“There are resources out there, and they matter,” she said.
Despite not currently working, Sutcliffe continues to give back where she can. She volunteers, wraps gifts at the mall, and plans to donate sensory items to support others navigating mental health care. She also participates in peer-support initiatives, creative programs, and workshops.
“Art is one of the things holding me together,” she said. “It gives me a way to turn things around, even when I’m not OK.”
While she has been honest with close friends about her struggles, she knows not everyone feels safe enough to do the same.
“If you have a good support system year round, that helps,” she said, “but this time of year can still feel really dark, especially if you don’t have that support.”
Sutcliffe said the biggest misconception about depression is that it’s something people can will away.
“‘People say just get over it,’” she said. “Christmas only comes once a year, so you’re supposed to be festive no matter what.”
That sense of heaviness is far from rare. The Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) notes that while the holidays are often portrayed as joyful, they can bring a mix of emotions and added stress linked to finances, economic uncertainty, loneliness, or grief and loss.
The CMHA encourages people to start with self-compassion, including permitting themselves to slow down, rest, have quiet evenings, stay home, or skip social events when they don’t have the capacity.
Maintaining basic routines, sleep, eating, and movement can also help support emotional well-being, even when schedules are disrupted. The CMHA suggests small amounts of activity, such as a walk or light stretching, can still provide mood-boosting benefits during a busy season.
The pressure to keep up can also hit people financially and socially. The CMHA recommends setting realistic budgets, creating new traditions that don’t rely on overspending, and remembering there is no single “right way” to celebrate. Smaller, simpler connections can feel more manageable, and strong social connections are linked to better health outcomes.
For those experiencing loneliness, the CMHA notes it doesn’t always mean being physically alone. People can feel lonely in a crowd if their need for connection or support isn’t being met, or after losing someone important. Comparing oneself to others, especially through social media, can deepen those feelings. Instead, the CMHA encourages people to reflect on what’s behind the loneliness and take manageable steps toward connection, while also finding meaningful ways to spend time alone.
For people grieving, the CMHA emphasizes loss is one of life’s most stressful experiences and that there is no single timeline or correct way to grieve. Holidays and significant dates can intensify emotions, making it helpful to plan ahead, lean on supportive people, and consider new traditions that support healing.
The CMHA also points out mental health challenges are widespread. In any given year, one in five Canadians will experience a mental health problem or illness, and by age 40, about half the population will have experienced some form of mental illness at some point in their lives.
Sutcliffe said knowing others are struggling, too, doesn’t make the season easier, but it does make it feel less isolating.
“Try to have one friend you trust,” she said, “just one person who won’t shut you down that you can talk to. It makes a difference.”
In Canada, 988 is the national Suicide Crisis Helpline. It is available by call or text, toll-free, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for anyone thinking about suicide or worried about someone they know.
“If the holidays feel overwhelming, remember that help is available,” Sutcliffe said.