My youngest kids (twins) turned 21 recently — officially adults. Turns out, parenting gets harder once your kids can choose whether to listen to you.

But even when they were younger, there were conversations I would never have with them. For example, I would say (and still do): “I think you’re making a bad decision.” But I would never say “I wish I’d never had you.”

That’s not only mean, it’s also dumb. The child exists. You may not like what he or she is doing, but unless you’re plotting murder, you’re stuck together.

Countries are no different. You can dislike what they do and still accept that they’re here. That’s why I want to have a different conversation with the Israel bashers waving signs and chanting slogans about a river they haven’t seen (and likely could not even name) and a sea they’ve never dipped a toe in.

I want to talk about how things need to change (not only in Israel) and about how every basher could help bring change about.

What I’m not willing to have is the “Israel’s right to exist” conversation. It’s a dead end. It’s dumb. Here’s why:

1) We’re here. Get over it.

Israel’s population crossed 10 million at the start of 2026. We’ve built a massive civilian infrastructure — from energy-independent power stations to the world’s most advanced desalination systems. We have a modern road system and enviable universal healthcare.

Our universities are in the global top 10 for producing startup founders; Google, Microsoft, Apple, Intel, Nvidia and Meta all have R&D centers in Israel. We’ve got an impressive skyline in Tel Aviv, an excellent railway system and a nascent subway.

We’ve got an economy bouncing back fast even after three years fighting a devastating seven-front war.

We are not teetering on the precipice of existence. Quite the opposite. You may not like what we do. But stop pretending you can wish us away.

2) You can’t be a “white settler colonialist entity” without being white, settlers and colonials.

Colonialism was a nasty thing. Countries such as France, England and Spain would send their (mostly white) citizens to settle in and rule far-flung territories. Under the watchful eye of the colonial administration back home, these settlers would extract resources, send them back to the mother country, and usually brutally oppress the population.

That definition simply does not fit Israel, no matter how hard some work to shoehorn it in.

The Zionist movement did not have a mother country, nor an imperial capital. No resources were extracted or sent anywhere. So, not colonial.

And while many Jews came to Israel from Europe, at least half of Israel’s population originated in Iraq, Yemen, Morocco, Iran, Egypt, Syria and beyond. So, not white.

And settlers? Leaving out the West Bank (a whole separate issue), Jews have lived continuously in what is today called Israel for more than 3,000 years. And more than 80% of the land in what became Israel was either Jewish-owned or British Mandate state land — not anyone else’s private property.

Just another member of the UN family of nations struggling to survive and do the right thing — sometimes succeeding and frequently failing.

The “Israel has no right to exist” conversation is great for ill-informed sign-painting activists and (especially) hatemongers — who can get a lot of online traction. But if your goal is actual change, start by changing the conversation.

The “right to exist” convo hasn’t worked for almost 100 years and it’s still not working.

What is the right conversation about Israel? It’s the same conversation you need to have with China about its human rights record. It’s the same conversation you need to have with the UK about treatment of asylum seekers. It’s the same conversation you need to have with the U.S. about gun violence, civil rights, the limits of military power and the resilience of democratic mores.

None of these conversations question China’s right to exist, or the UK’s or the United States’.

Why should Israel be the exception? Because it came into being in the modern era? So did India. And Pakistan. And Singapore.

I’ve learned to parent my adult kids the way I’d like the world to engage with Israel. I’m not shy about telling them what they’re getting wrong. I can even sanction them (being the car owner is an underappreciated superpower).

Yet underneath all of it is a given: They’re here, I’m here and neither of us is going anywhere.

That’s the conversation we need to have about Israel: not whether it should exist, but how it needs to change.

Steven Greenberg is a Fort Wayne native and a Tel Aviv-based novelist and writer.