Many Jewish New Yorkers are disappointed that Mayor Mamdani will skip today’s parade honoring Israel. Yet, even if the mayor embraced Zionism; even if the “FREE PALESTINE” signs in my Park Slope neighborhood disappeared, and the food coop dropped its boycott, Israel would still be on a self-destructive course of isolation.

I have numerous Israeli relatives. Some of them have encouraged my activism opposing the West Bank occupation.

My sense of connection to Israel fostered the belief that most Israelis disdained their country’s mistreatment of the Palestinians. This notion was tested during a trip to Jerusalem after 10/7. I joined an anti-war rally, thinking that it would be protesting the destruction of Gaza. While the demonstration understandably focused on freeing the hostages, there was no recognition of Gaza’s horrific plight.

Later that same visit the IDF rescued two hostages in an effort that killed 40 civilians. The deaths hardly registered with Israelis.

“I understand celebrating the rescue of the hostages, but how could we not even acknowledge that 40 Palestinians were killed?” A woman who worked for an Israeli civil rights organization, said to me. “What happened to our humanity?”

I last visited Israel shortly before the war with Iran. Stickers bearing the faces of soldiers killed since 10/7 were everywhere.

Israel has subsequently occupied more and more territory in Gaza and Lebanon. There will have to be more stickers showing faces of dead soldiers. The strain of being on a constant war footing, along with the ongoing trauma of 10/7 and nights in bomb shelters, has made it evermore difficult for Israelis to acknowledge the suffering their country is causing beyond its borders.

As a commentator from the Israeli newspaper Haaretz wrote: “Most Israelis maintain a position of willful ignorance — despite the fact that the information is accessible, despite the fact that the cries of despair ring in their ears and despite the fact that the mirror is placed before their eyes, they don’t know — whether that’s actually the case, or whether through denial and justification.”

Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu has said that Israel must become a “super Sparta.” This militarized vision of Zionism would alienate most American Jews, who value co-existence over isolation and domination. An Israel estranged from the global West and the Diaspora would forfeit its status as Judaism’s unifying force, and guidepost for the Jewish future. This outcome would leave me without an anchor for my religious and ethnic identity.

Polling over the Iran war reflected the disconnect between Israel and the diaspora. While Jewish-Israelis overwhelmingly supported the war, 70% of Jewish-Americans opposed hostilities. Despite this dour picture I take solace in the idealistic Israelis pushing their country towards a different path. They include the Parents Circle Family Forum, where Palestinians and Jewish Israelis who have lost family members to violence share their sorrow and their hopes. Roots partners West Bank settlers with their Palestinian neighbors, to hear each others stories. Bina works with Israeli youth to foster social justice projects.

There are many other activists resisting the anger and fear that has consumed Israel since 10/7. I feel grateful to these Israelis, who are fighting for a better country, and a better Jewish world.

Giving up on Israel is anathema to me. Doing so would mean discarding my sense of self, which is tied to a Jewish state that values morality as much as security. Hopefully we will again have mayors who march in parades to honor Israel. More important is that we help Israelis who are working to make Israel a nation that Jewish New Yorkers will continue to celebrate.

Krull is a lawyer and writer.