Garbage in, garbage out, right?
President Donald Trump has been putting his stamp on Washington D.C., turning the People’s House and the nation’s capital into his own crappy little resort. That alone is antidemocratic as all get out, but it is made all the worse by the fact that our wannabe king has terrible taste and loves to cut corners.
But neither Trump nor anyone else in his orbit sees this as a problem. Rather, they are laser-focused on finding out who would dare besmirch the grass on the National Mall with the mildest of anti-Trump sentiments: a large-scale “86 47,” a common call to remove the 47th president.
How very dare they! Don’t they know it is the prerogative of the president to turn the nation’s capital into his very own gross pro-Trump jamboree?
Now, the administration is pulling out all the stops, going full NatSec DefCon 1 to figure out who, exactly, managed to etch those oh-so-aggravating numbers into the lawn near the World War II memorial.
Nick Anderson
Perhaps Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche can explain how this is actually an imminent threat to murder Donald Trump, just as former FBI Director James Comey snapping a picture of some seashells was. Indeed, it certainly looks like the administration is planning on treating this as the crime of the century.
The Washington Post reported that the United States Park Police, the D.C. fire department, and the National Guard were all spotted “responding” to the incident on Thursday.
Responding to … shapes in the grass. Got it.
There were apparently multiple emergency vehicles and a team of gloved officers collecting grass samples, presumably to see what nefarious chemical reaction occurred. A White House spokesperson is toeing the line and pretending that this anodyne little protest is literal terrorism.
“Anyone who engages in or endorses political violence or assassination culture must be condemned in the harshest terms possible,” they insisted.
The New York Times made sure to do some stenography for Trump on this, pretending that the meaning of 86 is debatable: “An old slang term meaning to dismiss or remove, or to kill or eliminate, in some contexts.”
What contexts, exactly?
The Times also tut-tutted about how unfortunate the whole affair is.
“Someone apparently had gone to considerable lengths to discolor the grass days before President Trump is set to host an Ultimate Fighting Championship event nearby at the White House on Sunday, his 80th birthday,” the article said.
It’s extremely unfair to spoil Trump’s big birthday, you guys.
Not to be outdone, an Interior Department spokesperson vowed to “hold those responsible accountable” and complained of “deranged vandalism.”
Related | Trump happy to waste more money on Reflecting Pool paint job
Actually, we know what deranged vandalism in D.C. looks like, and it isn’t some markings in the grass that can easily be mowed away.
It looks like painting the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool blue so it looks like one of Trump’s little swimming holes at his golf resorts, complete with overpriced “repairs” so shoddy that algae appeared literal days after the pool was refilled.
It looks like the repulsive Ultimate Fighting Championship octagon installed on the White House grounds, one which Trump now says he just might keep because it’s as cool a landmark as the Eiffel Tower.
It looks like the bribe palace ballroom, or, more accurately, the pile of rubble where the White House’s East Wing used to be.
There’s only one deranged vandal at work here, and he’s stubbornly ensconced in the White House.
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