Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Just Peachy
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth faced eight articles of impeachment on Tuesday, with charges accusing him of violating federal law and the Constitution.
“Yes, finally!” Desi Lydic said on “The Daily Show.”
“This is huge, someone actually going after Pete Hegseth, and not just for child support!” — DESI LYDIC
Republicans managed to shelve the impeachment effort, however, after 11 Democrats missed the vote.
“Are you kidding me? A chance to impeach the secretary of defense, and 11 of you couldn’t be bothered to come to work? Even Mitch McConnell finds a way to show up to work, and he died years ago!” — DESI LYDIC
“This is a major ‘L’ for Democrats. And to think, I just put the finishing touches on my Hakeem Jeffries back tattoo. Now I just look stupid!” — DESI LYDIC
“What do you people have to say for yourselves? These aren’t, like, nobodies — OK, one of them is Haley Stevens, but not all of them are nobodies!” — DESI LYDIC
“Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth survived a House vote yesterday on a resolution to impeach him. But, as usual with Hegseth, I’m sure there’ll be another round.” — SETH MEYERS
“Yeah, after the vote, he let out such a huge sigh of relief, he set off every breathalyzer in the five-block radius.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (‘Dear Joe, Love Don’ Edition)
“In his forthcoming memoir, former President Joe Biden details the letter that President Trump wrote to him in 2021 upon leaving the presidency, in which he told Biden, ‘You now have the opportunity to choose your place in history, and I know you will be true to yourself and the American people.’ You’re telling me Donald Trump wrote that? There’s a better chance that he actually wrote ‘The Art of the Deal.’ Hell, there’s a better chance he wrote ‘The Art of 16th Century Italy.’” — SETH MEYERS
“But it’s true, there are two Donald Trumps. One is the president and the other one is hiding in his panic room from Kimberly Guilfoyle.” — GREG GUTFELD
The Bits Worth Watching
The country music duo Brothers Osborne performed “Born and Raised Hell” from their new album, “Watertown,” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Sheryl Crow will perform on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
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