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This is also groundbreaking. In most cases, when a man comes out after being married to a woman, a rainbow garland is unfurled and people loudly celebrate his courageousness and that he can “finally be himself”. It comes from a good place of wanting to be a good LGBTQ ally. But what’s often completely sidelined is the unheard voice of the woman he was married to, or the woman he is currently with.
She’ll often remain silent for fear of accusations of homophobia or exasperation at negative attitudes towards people who date a bisexual partner. Yet her voice really matters. Some of these women have been badly hurt. Others become LGBTQ allies to the partners they suspected were gay. All tell a critical story: a society that is so hypermasculine and homophobic that some men still resort to a closeted double life harms everyone.
That’s why the voice of Brown’s female partners is so powerful here. They’re the unsung heroes of this story. Their supportive messages told Brown how proud they were of him.
When they were partners, Bolton and Brown likely faced biphobia that prevented them from discussing it publicly. Female partners of bi men have to confront prejudices that her partner is “greedy”, “indecisive” or “untrustworthy”.
Mitch Brown in action for the West Coast Eagles in 2010.Credit: Getty Images
I’ve specialised in interviewing the female partners of men who come out as gay or bi. As a gay man, I could foster trust among these women, by finding sympathy for them while other gay men are too busy welcoming their newest community member to give his female partner a second thought.
The female partners of gay men often don’t share the positive experience expressed by Brown’s. They navigate trauma and distress, often completely alone, left to face within their communities the taboo that their husbands felt they had to hide.
I heard moving stories of infidelity, HIV tests, lies, gaslighting, feelings of worthlessness, marriages feeling like shams and utter heartbreak. Some onlookers victim-blame, claiming ex-wives were stupidly gullible and should surely have suspected. Meanwhile, their ex-husbands are often hailed as “brave”.
Just one in-person free service in the world specifically helps these women: the Women Partners of Gay/Bi Men service in Leichhardt, Sydney. One woman, whose recent male ex-husband came out as gay, flies from Melbourne to Sydney fortnightly just to make the “lifesaving” support group meetings with other women.
It’s telling that Roxanne McMurray, who has run the service for more than two decades, says that in recent years, it’s been busier than ever: 250 women attend yearly. Even in 2025, some men are still not being completely honest with their female partners.
Mitch Brown has been honest with the world, and the women in his life have joined the applause. It doesn’t always turn out this way but – in a more open and inclusive society – it absolutely could.
Gary Nunn is a contributor to The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age.