It is easy to understand why a survivor of the Nova festival massacre killed himself, a friend and fellow survivor has said, as “no soul could cope with the pain” of what they went through that day and every day since.
Roei Shalev, 30, was found dead near Tel Aviv on Friday, just over two years since his girlfriend and best friend were killed in front of him at the desert rave on October 7, 2023. He left a note describing his pain.
Shalev was one of over 3,500 survivors of the Nova festival in which 378 people were shot dead as they ran and hid from Hamas gunmen in the desert bushes. Shalev was shot twice as he hid under a car with his girlfriend, Mapal Adam, and his best friend, Hili Solomon.
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Roei Shalev was described as a good man, a good listener with “a huge heart the size of this entire world”
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It’s a trauma few can comprehend and even less relate. But during a retreat for the party survivors in Cyprus, Shalev met Alexandra Korobka.
Korobka’s boyfriend, the renowned trance DJ Matan “Kido” Elmalem, was murdered in front of her after playing the opening set at the party.
“I can understand him. I can totally understand him. It doesn’t matter how many people support us, hug us, love us from outside, at the end of the day we come home to our pain alone. Our lives have stopped. Everyone else carries on, goes on holiday, gets married, gets divorced, has kids, and we’re stuck in a loop,” Korobka said.
Shalev’s sister, Maayan, also survived the Nova. It was all too much for their mother, who killed herself two weeks after the massacre.
“He had the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen, they were so sad. The kindest eyes but so very sad,” said Korobka, 31, of Shalev. “We had a soul connection. With Roei I could always be totally myself, I could talk openly and freely. He was such a good man, a good listener, a huge heart the size of this entire world.”
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Korobka said she was blindsided by his suicide, that there were “no signs” he would kill himself and that he was even in a new relationship with her good friend. But life after Nova is full of pain, she said, and she struggles to survive every day.
Since that “black day” Korobka has been unable to work, closing her dog grooming and shelter business, at once haunted by being awake and unable to sleep, crippled by chronic pain from fibromyalgia, a painful disease linked to PTSD, that she has suffered since October 7.
The government stopped her welfare benefits as a Nova survivor five months ago, leaving her in debt to her family, the landlord and the bank to cover her essential and constant therapies and medications.
“The country has rendered us invisible. People think we got millions but that’s not true. They don’t see us. Everyone says, we’re sorry, sorry that happened to you, but — go die, basically. I’m in debt to everyone — and not because I’m buying designer handbags. Then they’re surprised that people commit suicide. The soul can’t cope,” said Korobka.
The mother of another Nova victim, Slava Giler, killed herself on Thursday, adding to an ever growing number of people who have taken their own lives after the massacre. The number of Nova suicides is not known but thought to be in the dozens, while several people remain institutionalised.
Hamas descended on the Nova on motorcycles, paragliders and jeeps at the peak of the trance party, after a night of dancing just as the sun was rising and revellers were meeting the light. The young people who attended the party, a sub-culture of Israeli society who travel the world over for global trance festivals in deserts and forests, are known for their free spirits and open hearts.
Shalev and Alexandra Korobka at the Azura Festival in Hungary in 2024
“Roei represents an entire world of young people who carry within them trauma that is too heavy to bear. Even after the physical wounds have healed, the emotional wound is not always visible,” said Dr. Hadas Zeevi-Sela, a senior therapist and counselor at SafeHeart, which runs retreats for Nova survivors to bond and heal like the one where Korobka met Shalev for the first time after asking him for a lighter. “When a person who experienced something like Nova chooses to end their life, it is not out of weakness but from a desire to stop suffering, pain that is too hard to carry alone.”
Shalev will be buried on October 13, on the Hebrew anniversary date of the massacre and the day of the return of the living hostages, including those kidnapped at the party.
“All we wanted was for the hostages to come back and close a circle,” said Korobka, “but even that, even 24 hours of happiness from the announcement of a deal to their freedom, we didn’t get, because look what happened to Roei.
“I prayed for a different ending, that those wouldn’t be his last words. I hope there won’t be any more victims of October 7.”
For confidential support, the Samaritans can be contacted by phoning 116 123 or at samaritans.org