Normalisation of location sharing, tech-facilitated abuse in spotlight after Lilie James inquest

Paul Thijssen used his phone to monitor and control Lilie James, frequently checking her location under the guise of safety before brutally killing her.

Just five days before her murder, the 24-year-old used Snapchat to “repeatedly” track Ms James at a party he was “stressed” her ex-boyfriend was at, the Coroners Court of NSW heard.

Warning: This story contains content that readers may find distressing.

Those around him saw this behaviour as an “expression of care or affection” instead of dangerous behaviour, the inquests into their deaths this week found.

Family and domestic violence support services:NSW Domestic Violence Line on 1800 656 4631800 Respect National Helpline on 1800 737 732Lifeline on 131 114Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491Mensline on 1300 789 978Full Stop Australia on 1800 385 578Emergency services on triple-0 if you need immediate care

In October 2023, Thijssen killed Ms James — a colleague he had been in a “casual” and “brief” relationship with — with a hammer in a school bathroom in Sydney’s CBD. His own body was found two days later. 

The case has highlighted how everyday technology can be used nefariously, with NSW Coroner Teresa O’Sullivan noting his use of “Snap Map and location sharing” to keep tabs on the 21-year-old sports assistant. 

It was not the first time, the magistrate said, with evidence suggesting Thijssen had “engaged in similar technology facilitated abuse” in a prior relationship. 

Magistrate O’Sullivan ruled the “senseless and violent” homicide took place in the context of gendered and domestic violence.

The inquest into Ms James and Thijssen’s deaths finished this week. (ABC News: Courtney Barrett Peters)

Angie Gehle, senior policy and advocacy officer at Domestic Violence NSW, said tracking tools used inappropriately had “incredibly dangerous” ramifications.

“How that can come across is that somebody is very caring, or connected, or wants safety for the other person,” Ms Gehle said.

“But in reality, that person is actually being stalked or monitored, so we need to have conversations about what the purpose of the tracking … is about.”

‘Setting our daughters up for failure’

One of the expert witnesses in the inquests was Kate Fitz-Gibbon, an internationally leading expert on gendered violence prevention.

Professor Fitz-Gibbon told the inquest technology used to enact control over individuals was a particular challenge for young people whose lives were so frequently shared online.

“She provided the example of sharing your location with someone; it is important to understand relationships as dynamic and that decisions made at one point are not necessarily reflective of consent or safe decisions at another point in time of the relationship,” Magistrate O’Sullivan recalled of the professor’s evidence.

Research released by eSafety this year found that one in five young adults thought it was reasonable to expect to track a romantic partner whenever they want.

“If we want to change these behaviours, we must challenge underlying attitudes that endorse and normalise controlling and monitoring behaviours in romantic relationships,” eSafety Commissioner Julie Inman Grant said of technology-facilitated abuse.

Peta James (left) said boys and men had to learn “how to respect a woman’s opinions and choices”. (AAP: Flavio Brancaleone)

According to the recent Adolescent Man Box survey of more than 1,400 teens, 35 per cent of boys aged 14 to 18 believed a boyfriend should know where his girlfriend was “at all times”.

An equal 35 per cent of respondents agreed they should “try to get back at someone” if rejected. 

Speaking outside of court this week, Ms James’s mother, Peta, said parents should be “teaching our sons how to respect a woman’s opinions and choices” otherwise they would be “setting our daughters up for failure”. 

‘Urgent need for awareness’

On top of having 24/7 visibility of whereabouts, location sharing can also be used to gauge if someone is alone.

These risks heighten right before or after separation, when perpetrators feel like they are losing control, Ms Gehle said.

“Surveillance is a very, very strong tool to be able to [regain] that level of control,” she said.

“And those tools to be able to surveil are everywhere, they’re at the tips of everybody’s fingers, so it’s a very dangerous combination.”

Angie Gehle says surveillance tools are “at the tips of everybody’s fingers”. (Supplied)

Since coercive control became an offence in NSW in July last year, the state’s Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research reported that 59 per cent of incidents involved harassment, monitoring or tracking. 

Friends mistook it as love. But Lilie James’s killer was controlling

The man who murdered Lilie James was meticulous, calculated and calm. This was not a momentary loss of control, he knew what he was doing, an inquest into her death was told this week.

Magistrate O’Sullivan found there was a “critical need to address technology-facilitated abuse” in society.

“The evidence gathered as a result of this inquest has highlighted to me the urgent need for greater community awareness about the misuse of technology and the importance of individuals regularly reviewing their own technology practices, including their location sharing,” her findings on Thursday read.

She recommended more education and awareness programs focusing on emerging forms of technology-facilitated abuse, as well as encouraging individuals to critically review whether it was “necessary or safe” to share their location with others.