In his Oscars opening monologue tonight, host Conan O’Brien wasted no time getting to the big-stakes global controversies of the day: AI, world strife and, of course, Timothée Chalamet.
“Security is extremely tight tonight,” he said. “I’m told there are concerns about attacks from both the opera and ballet communities.” Then came the kicker: O’Brien joked that Chalamet “left out jazz.”
The cameras quickly cut to a smiling, white-suited Chalamet in the audience. Watch the entire monologue below.
The quip came after O’Brien was seen in a quick pre-taped bit (watch it above) in which he appeared as the white-faced, red-haired Aunt Gladys from Weapons, played ping-pong with Chalamet, crashed Hamnet, F1 and Sentimental Value, sang “Danny Boy” with the Sinners gang and got animated with the Kpop Demon Hunters – all while being chased by the crazed Weapons kids.
If there was low-hanging fruit for this monologue moment and first-joke honor, Chalamet was it. Nominated for Best Actor for his lead performance in ping-pong pic Marty Supreme, Chalamet has been Topic #1 on chat boards, late night comedy shows and daytime talkers since his podcast comment that nobody cared anymore about ballet and opera. Chalamet’s comments, of course, drew backlash, and more recently backlash to the backlash.
But L’affaire Chalamet wasn’t the only quicksand O’Brien, in his second consecutive stint as host, was willing to approach, and he did it all with a skill and wit that quickly banished any fears of a sophomore slump.
After thanking Weapons‘ Amy Madigan for loaning the Gladys look – which wasn’t all that much different from Conan’s usual appearance – O’Brien noted that he just might be the Oscars’ last human host. And with that, the first AI reference of the night was made.
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The topical references continued. O’Brien noted that when he hosted last year’s Oscars, “Los Angeles was on fire.” Then he deadpanned, “But this year, everything’s going great.
“I should warn you,” O’Brien said, “tonight could get political, okay, and if that makes you uncomfortable, there’s an alternate Oscars being hosted by Kid Rock at the Dave & Busters down the street” – a reference to Kid Rock’s much-derided alternate Super Bowl Halftime Show for the MAGA crowd.
O’Brien then narrowed his focus a Hollywood insider joke. “Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos is here, and this is exciting!,” Conan said. “It’s his first time in a theater!” Then in a pretend-Evil Sarandos voice, O’Brien said, “Why are they all together enjoying themselves? They should be home alone, where I can monetize it!” (Sarandos, laughing in the audience, seemed to take the ribbing well.)
From there, O’Brien went on to take jabs at the year’s big movies:
“Between Hamnet and Bugonia it’s been a big year for movies that sound like off-brand lunch meat.”
“At the beginning of Hamnet, a message comes on the screen explaining that the names Hamnet and Hamlet were used interchangeably. That’s when I knew I better buckle up.”
F1, O’Brien said, is “the story of a race car driver who finally wins after deciding to go faster.”
“Sinners director Ryan Coogler said he declined to become a voting member of the Academy because he doesn’t like judging his fellow artists’ work,” said O’Brein. He then addressed the audience, saying, “But the rest of you pricks seem to love it.”
“Lots of memorable scenes from One Battle After Another. Best Supporting Actor nominee Sean Penn, of course, got an erection at gunpoint. Director Paul Thomas Anderson said, ‘Hey, let’s put that in the film!’”
“This year we added a new category, Best Casting. Which means tonight, one casting director won an Oscar and for the rest of you, we decided to go in another direction.”
“Best documentary short films — or as I like to call them, Little Sads.”
“Amazon Studios didn’t receive any nominations this year. Also shut out, Wal-Mart and Chewy.”
“It’s the first time since 2012 there are no British actors nominated for best actors or best actress. A British spokesperson said, ‘Yeah, but at least we arrest our pedophiles.’”
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After some more rib-poking, O’Brien pivoted to a more somber demeanor, saying, “If I can be serious for just a moment, everyone watching right now, around the world, is all too aware that these are very chaotic, frightening times. It’s at moments like these that I believe that the Oscars are particularly resonant. Check it out. Thirty-one countries across six continents are represented this evening and at every film we salute is the product of thousands of people speaking different languages, working hard to make something of beauty. We pay tribute tonight, not just to film, but to the ideals of global artistry, collaboration, patience, resilience and that rarest of qualities today, optimism.
“So let us celebrate not because we think all is well, but because we work and hope for better in the days ahead.”