“On inauguration day, he signed an executive order saying that there are only, and that they will only recognise, two genders, male and female, and it must align with your gender assigned at birth.
“I would have never in a million years thought it would come to this in America. You know, we’re taught to believe that it’s the land of the free … now we’re realising that’s not the case for every American.”
The Trump administration’s policies felt especially threatening to Candace because they directly contradict her parenting mantra.
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“This might sound a little crass, but my parenting philosophy was always, you be you as long as you’re not an asshole.
“As a mom, I always knew my job was just to love my kids and follow their lead.”
Six days after Trump took office, the family got a notification from the gender affirming care department of their local children’s hospital.
“They were no longer going to provide medical services to trans folks … they would lose funding for other departments within the hospital if they did,” Candace said.
Candace says the move to Aotearoa just felt right. Photo / Supplied
It was then that the parents, who have always tried to give their kids an age-appropriate rundown of what’s happening in the world, knew they had to activate their plan.
They started scoping countries most accepting of the LGBTQIA+ community and considered Spain, Portugal, Mexico and Canada. But when Brandon put a post on Facebook saying the family wanted to uproot, a former classmate who now lives in Wānaka encouraged them to consider Aotearoa.
“There was something in my gut that just immediately felt right,” Candace said.
With a landscape similar to Denver, Queenstown suited the family’s outdoorsy nature, and they wouldn’t face a language barrier.
“The kids are able to go to public school here, which is really nice.”
Queenstown suits the outdoorsy family. Photo / Supplied
Arriving in late July, Candace says their first impressions of their new home have met their tolerant and welcoming expectations.
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“Everybody we’ve encountered has been so incredibly lovely,” Candace says, recounting how they got picked up from the airport by two of the senior staffers from Brandon’s new employer, and lent them a car.
“Our landlord’s just been amazingly lovely. She’s like, ‘we’ll be your family away from family while you’re here. You can put us on your kids’ school forms as an emergency contact’.”
The family are hopeful the warm welcome continues when the kids start at their new school today.
“Chase is excited. Holt is your typical 12-year-old, ‘he’s like, miss school? As if’.”
Brandon’s start as a sales rep for a winery in the Gibbston Valley, which sponsored their visas, came at the perfect time.
In what was a “devastating blow”, Candace was laid off when the family began to consider moving.
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The high cost of living in Denver meant the family faced the prospect of temporarily relocating to Tennessee to stay with Candace’s mother while saving for the move.
“Tennessee is notoriously awful for trans folks … there’s no way I could send Chase to school there,” Candace said.
Candace says her kids are resilient. Photo / Supplied
But she also acknowledges “extreme privilege” enabled them to be able to leave the US at all.
“Financially it was quite a burden, but my best friend set up a GoFundMe for us, which helped alleviate some of that cost.
“I have a little bit of survivor’s guilt almost that we were able to get out and there’s still so many folks who need to and want to, just can’t.”
Julia de Bres from national parents group New Zealand Parents and Guardians of Transgender and Gender Diverse Children says Aotearoa is still the country she’d feel safest raising a transgender child in, but “we are currently experiencing similar pressures as other countries, with a rise in anti-trans ideologies and policies over the past few years”.
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De Bres points to recent consultation on whether to restrict access to puberty blockers for young trans people, which is still under consideration by the Government, as well as the removal of Sport NZ’s guiding principles for inclusion of trans people in sport in Aotearoa, as developments of great concern to the trans community.
In November last year, the Ministry of Health released its long-awaited evidence brief and a position statement on puberty-stalling hormones.
“The evidence brief found that the evidence supporting the effectiveness and safety was limited and of poor quality,” the ministry said.
As a result of the findings, the ministry is outlining an expectation that greater caution is used in prescribing the medication.
Other countries have also taken steps to restrict puberty blockers out of concern about a lack of robust evidence and rising prescribing rates.
But de Bres said she thinks most New Zealanders support the human rights of trans people to “be themselves and be safe in this country”.
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“We have a wonderful network of people within our communities working to keep everyone safe.”
Candace says her job as a mother is “just to love my kids and follow their lead”. Photo / Supplied
Accessing gender-affirming care in Aotearoa will allow Chase to live fully as herself in her new home, Candace says.
Living regionally means the family may have to go to Christchurch occasionally for this, but mostly the “things that Chase needs can be done [or monitored] through a family doctor”.
“A lot of people are greatly misinformed about what it actually entails. A doctor really described it best – as a pause button,” Candace says.
“There’s no surgery… Chase just turned 10 a month ago, she hasn’t entered puberty, so there’s nothing to block.”
While they say they place no expectations for their kids, Candace and Brandon expect they’ll call New Zealand home for a while yet.
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“Our visas are for five years, which is fantastic. Our plan is to stay here long term … I’m not going to uproot them again, while they’re in school.
“So far everything has just sort of affirmed that this was the right decision and this was the right move for us.”
Also an associate professor at Massey University, de Bres is currently working on a research project on family support for transgender young people in Aotearoa.
She says young trans people deserve to feel safe in their families, schools, medical contexts and everywhere in their communities but “there is so much that needs to be done to make this a reality”.
“A great start would be for the Government to better fund community organisations working to support trans young people, like Gender Minorities Aotearoa, RainbowYOUTH and OUTLine, who do so much work to support our young people. Improving access to gender-affirming care across the country is essential.
“The Government must stop importing hate from overseas – there is no reason for us to follow that dangerous path.”
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The Ministry of Health says it will work closely with Health New Zealand and other partners to ensure young people experiencing gender incongruence or gender dysphoria have access to care that meets their physical and mental health needs and upholds their holistic range of rights as young people.
Where to get help:
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO (available 24/7) Youth services: (06) 3555 906Youthline: 0800 376 633What’s Up: 0800 942 8787 (11am to11pm)Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)•Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155 Helpline: 1737If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.