A list containing Wayne Brown and the people who will almost certainly lose to Wayne Brown.

There are 12 people running for the Auckland mayoralty, though running might be a strong term. The incumbent, Wayne Brown, has barely broken into a light canter as he sets course for re-election. It’s not just a coronation though. At least some of his rivals are putting up a fight, with at least one of them promising to emulate Elon Musk and turn what he calls his “great mind” to fixing Auckland’s problems.

John Alcock

When John Alcock ran in the Pakuranga electorate in the 2023 general election, it was on a platform of reclaiming “New Zealand from ideological extremism”. Though that phrase is usually the hallmark of a candidate who possesses moderate and politically mainstream views, Alcock appears to have some out-there ideas, including decentralising our financial and governmental systems and crafting a future “where empowered individuals build resilient communities”. Alcock was once a board member for the Act Party and is now highly interested in cryptocurrencies.

Wayne Brown

Remember when mayor Wayne Brown failed to publicly declare a state of emergency until nearly 10.30pm on the night of the Auckland Anniversary weekend floods? Remember how, in the criticism that followed, he grumped that it wasn’t his job to “rush out with buckets”. Remember how, worst of all, he referred to the universally delightful people of the media as “drongos”? If you’d told Aucklanders then that in just a few short years’ time, Brown would be paddleboarding to almost certain re-election atop an unstoppable wave of mildly favourable voter sentiment, they would have spat a mouthful of brown floodwater straight into your face. 

Sorry to those stuck in a 2023 time prison, but that’s what’s happening. Brown has engineered one of the most remarkable redemption arcs in local politics history, going from being perceived as a godawful angry old boomer to a lovable angry old boomer. He’s done it through playing against type and learning the art of political compromise. For all his self-aggrandising Mr Fix It branding, Brown’s shown a surprising ability to take new ideas on board. He’s elevated people from outside his natural circle of allies, demoted naysaying local government lifers, talked up intensification around train stations and busways, and spruiked for cheap mass transit options. 

Brown still texts the chief executive of AT when he sees a rogue road cone. He remains offensive, in ways that are sometimes funny, and sometimes not. But ask most Aucklanders what they think of him, and they’ll say he’s grown on them. The man with one of politics’ most polarising personalities is somehow one of its most unifying figures. Brown’s re-election odds are so good, he seems to have eschewed campaigning to focus all his efforts on getting rid of the councillors he doesn’t like. He’ll likely win, provided no floods hit between now and October.

Eric Chuah

Dr Eric Chuah once worked as a strategist for United Future’s Peter Dunne, which should stand him in good stead for securing a sliver of the vote in an election race dominated by more popular and well-known rivals. Chuah’s promises are nonspecific on minor issues such as minimising rates, reducing unnecessary council spending, and ensuring safer policing. However he gets into granular detail on how to fix dog walking, proposing a timeshare scheme where dog owners would be allowed to walk their dogs between 3 and 5pm, and the rest of the public are permitted to go outside without being mauled by an aggressive labradoodle outside those hours.

Michael Coote

Michael Coote appears to be a finance professional. He stood for mayor and Waitakere ward councillor in the 2022 local elections, where he distinguished himself by failing to give any detail to policy.nz, and appearing in several lists of people who are also standing for mayor at the bottom of coverage on other candidates. Coote didn’t respond to an email from The Spinoff.

Ted Johnston 

Johnston is perhaps best known for his handpainted 2019 local election hoardings, which gave people the distinct impression that if they didn’t vote for him, he would murder them with an axe.

TED IS WATCHING

Obviously the implied threats paid off, because soon after, Johnston became a leader in the New Conservative Party. He was stood down from that gig by the party board in 2023, and is back to his first political love: running strident, ultimately doomed independent campaigns to become Auckland’s mayor. Johnston has more than 30 years of experience as a criminal barrister.

Kerrin Leoni

Kerrin Leoni appears to be the only high-profile candidate actively campaigning for the mayoralty right now. The Whau ward councillor was the sole respondent when Auckland university’s debating society invited three candidates to a debate last month. She’s put up hoardings touting her experience as an “economist and business owner”. She’s taking what chances she can to talk down Brown in the media. Though her chances remain relatively slim, Leoni remains the mayor’s most credible rival in the race. Her policy priorities include building more affordable housing and prioritising investment in public transport, walking and cycling. 

Rob McNeil

Rob McNeil is the executive president of the Animal Justice Party. He could fill a similar nature-focused political niche to Michael Morris, who campaigned to replace concrete in the city centre with greenery and confine development to places with “little or no biodiversity” while running for the Auckland mayoralty under the Animal Justice Auckland banner in 2022.

Ryan Pausina

According to his 2022 candidate blurb, Ryan Pausina’s local political awakening came after a friend encouraged him to run for mayor of Coromandel. He quickly realised he would fix everything there within five months and decided to turn his talents to a more substantial challenge. Anything other than running the nation’s biggest city would be, as per the blurb, a waste of his talents. “It has been said that Elon Musk realised at one point in his life that other people don’t think like he does,” the text concludes. “People with a great mind should use it.” The blurb doesn’t contain any advice for what people should do if they’re blessed with the gift of great humility. 

Jason Pieterse

Jason Pieterse did not respond to an email from The Spinoff asking who he is and why he’s standing for mayor of Auckland. A person with that name does appear to have offered support to the New Zealand rugby team ‘The All Blacks’ in a Facebook comment from a year ago.

Simon Stam

A man named Simon Stam ran in Round The Bays in 2014, achieving a time of 48 minutes and 18 seconds, at a pace of nine minutes and 39 seconds per kilometre.

Peter Wakeman

Wikipedia describes Peter Wakeman as a “perennial candidate”, and he does appear to have stood in a remarkable number of political races around the country over the last few decades. In 2013, Wakeman rushed the stage during the launch of Lianne Dalziel’s campaign to become Christchurch’s mayor. Though he had to be restrained, his actions were credited with breathing new life into the race.

Denise Widdison 

Facebook lists two Denise Widdisons in Auckland. One regularly offers free stuff to Te Atatu residents, including toys and, most notably, a full box of lemons. Another is a self-employed former student of Auckland Girls Grammar. Which one is standing for mayor? You decide.