COMMENT

Even the most buttoned-up prude enjoys the occasional thirst trap, especially when it involves an Adonis like Reece Walsh.

But when it’s only ‘thirst’ is Reece quenching his with a handful of cistern water, it’s a sign the bloke needs to re-evaluate his life choices or downgrade to a satellite phone.

In another case of the Broncos disappearing up their own backsides at the worst possible time, the box-office fullback has waited until the eve of finals to post footage of himself tucking in to a bowl of putrid toilet water like a cheeky Labrador.

For a rugby league public who survived through Todd Carney, woofing back a slug of the Dalton Draught is hardly the century’s most egregious act.

But while Walsh was also clearly joking, Broncos administrators should feel forced to act after the acute embarrassment of issuing a statement headlined “Broncos react to vision of Reece Walsh drinking toilet water”.

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Yep, if this powerhouse organisation is fair dinkum, it’s time to hit the fullback with a raft of punitive restrictions, starting with a bidet.

Because if they don’t, they can watch their season die at the hands of another brain fart or the health inspector.

In another year dogged by accusations of being plastic rockstars – and in the same week Gehamat Shibasaki was stood down for arriving at training as full as a hitman’s boot – the last thing the club needed was another viral Walshism.

Why did he need to do this now?

Who reveals a new bathroom by shotgunning flush? Have we missed something on The Block?

And with Michael Maguire finally getting results from his hard-nosed methods, what other whack act does Walsh have in the pipeline that could stuff it all up?

Let’s be real; the aesthetically-blessed ball handler is a group-one megastar who isn’t too pretty to get gritty.

He gets the turnstiles clicking and the ladies swooning, plus he’s always generously donating his gear to fans after games, even though it’s probably because he just loves getting shirtless.

But more importantly, Walsh is the primary reason for the Broncos surging in to the top eight after finding themselves drifting two-thirds from nowhere in mid-season.

He undeniably holds the key to Brisbane’s chances, and that’s why waiting until the business end of the season is the dumbest time for him to debut his Pete Evans era.

On the other hand, such behaviour is nothing new for a youngster who may play his footy with electric abandon, but sadly it’s not the most hectic aspect of his life.

Whether blowing his stack at referees, lipping off at fans or simply just thumping his mates on TikTok, it’s fair to say that when God created the talismanic speedster, the full breadth of his genius was spent on rugby league and not much else.

Now with their star playmaker hitting the new low of being targeted by WADA for traces of Toilet Duck, the Broncos must tie a leash to this million dollar investment and yank it tight.

Put simply, if Walsh wants to drink like a puppy, then the club will have to manage him like a puppy.

Nobody’s saying to rub his nose in it, send him to obedience class or even get him de-sexed- not at least until grand final week anyway.

But if the club wants to save its season from disappearing down the S-Bend, it must stage an intervention and immediately confiscate his phone, his Wi-Fi privileges and just to be safe, his toilet chain.

After all, this bloke is a role model – whether you believe it or not – and that’s why the club’s first reaction to the footage was an instruction to not “act upon the advice” because impressionable sprites *will* act upon his advice even when it’s to grab the nearest decanter and fill it with toilet water.

But more important than setting a good example for the kids, the Broncos need Walsh on the straight and narrow because he’s bloody good at football.

With the club already suffering a bacteria problem and an injury crisis in the halves, they need him to keep bringing his A-game, not the E-Coli.
– Dane Eldridge is a warped cynic yearning for the glory days of rugby league, a time when the sponges were magic and the Mondays were mad. He’s never strapped on a boot in his life, and as such, should be taken with a grain of salt.

Originally published as Brisbane Broncos must act amid ‘putrid’ Reece Walsh crisis