I don’t want to say anything, even if I feel a certain way, even if I’m angry to my core, I don’t want to say something that can probably spark someone else’s anger, and then now that’s a wildfire that I can no longer put out. There’s that responsibility. I’m going to swallow my pride right now because I know that it’s about more than me. And I got to be aware of what I say because I don’t know, I don’t want to ignite the flame and lose control.
You mentioned your mother teaching you some of these lessons.
My mom raised me and my brothers – it’s not that she taught us how to be men, but she allowed us to be our own men. My mom allowed us to follow our own hearts. If my brothers wanted to play sports, they had their own path. They took their own life path, life journey. And my mom allowed it. She made sure that we were always loved when we came home, and that we were supported, and that we were fed, and that there was always love in the household.
I always thought I was going to be a musician. I played a bunch of instruments and at 14 years old, my mom let me go on my first West Coast tour with a bunch of other teenagers and one 18-year-old driving the van. She’s like, “If this is your passion, then who am I to say no?”
As scared as she was — like, no mother wants to let their baby boy travel alone — she’s like, “Hey, if this is what you want to do.” Having that love and support, I think is what gave me the courage to be the man that I am today.
When you think about young men, when you think about kids that are 14 right now, starting that journey, do you worry?
I think when it comes to this country, I’m a bit concerned with the direction of the youth. Mostly because it seems that the youth of this country are very focused and driven by entertainment. Entertainment, popularity, virality. There’s so many young kids right now that have become very successful and rich off of the internet – it does seem that a lot of kids are inspired by a lot of these younger influencers. I feel like if I were to go around and ask 15 teenagers, where do they see themselves in five years? I’m pretty sure that a good percentage of them is going to say something influencer-based. And not that that’s a bad thing, because yes, you can make a life off of that. But it’s just showing me the direction of where a lot of the youth is headed.
You’re a UFC fighter. Do you ever feel pressure to act more traditionally masculine?
No. I don’t feel any pressure. I think that I have done my best and will continue to do my best to stay true to who I am and how I feel. And I’m always going to go into that cage 100% me. A lot of that times just naturally my highest state of masculinity comes out. But it’s because that’s what’s needed in that moment. But there’s also a sense of sensitivity that I bring and I always carry as well. And I think that that’s just something that’s important to have in a combat situation is to be sensitive, to be present, to be calm.
I’ve watched a lot of your fights. You have this reputation as one of the most violent, vicious fighters in the sport – it’s clear that you’re going to a different place when you’re in that cage. But it doesn’t overtake you. How do you turn that on and off?
The word that’s just screaming at me right now is acceptance. One thing that’s allowed me to be both ways comfortably is accepting that in and outside of the cage, I am both people. Instead of hiding one away or denying one or the other, I just accept that I am both. I am as equally violent and dangerous, and as I am sensitive and kind and sweet.