Lisa rejoins the group and is in top form as she goes in on Bronwyn for bringing up her legal troubles.
Photo: Bravo
Though last week’s premiere ended with what looked like a found-footage horror film of our Housewives venturing out into a haunted forest, rest assured that everybody came out alive (perhaps to Lisa Barlow’s dismay). “They’re not gonna let us die, it’s too much of a liability for the network,” Meredith even says, but then again, it is Bravo, so don’t get too comfortable, Mer. And speaking of discomfort, I’m genuinely shocked that these women actually all spent the night in that tiny RV, sleeping in what (at best) looked like AMC recliners. Of course there was no chance of Lisa Barlow showing up for that, let’s be real. She wouldn’t even fly coach!
For breakfast, they inexplicably make steaks, trying and failing to eat them with plastic cutlery, and Heather opens up about feeling ready to become an empty nester. Bronwyn is gearing up for her daughter heading out as well, and just when I think this is going to be a nice bonding moment for the two of them, things take a turn. Whereas Heather feels like a new chapter of her life is about to begin, Bronwyn says she’s not ready for her daughter to move out, which makes Heather feel like she’s being mom-shamed. But ultimately, these are just two sides of the same coin.
Back in civilization, we’re greeted by a sight for sore eyes: Lisa Barlow, finally back on our screens to get lunch with Heather. And even though she might not have been on the trip, Heather tells her that her name came up plenty. For her part, Lisa brushes off the lawsuits that Bronwyn brought up, basically saying that they’re all nothingburgers that have been, or are in the process of being dismissed. “No one sues the bottom, bitch. They all go for the top,” she adds in her confessional. Print it on a mug.
But the real topic of conversation is who did or didn’t come to her defense, a question Heather knew she’d ask — which is surely why she defended Lisa so strongly in the moment, so she could tell Lisa that she did. She adds that while Meredith started to defend her a little, she was mostly silent through it all, and Angie really piled on. Watching Lisa hear this report, especially with it being her first scene of the season, is much sadder than I could have anticipated.
She even circles back at one point to ask, “Meredith didn’t say a word?” before immediately starting to cry. What’s interesting is that we’ve seen this type of conflict play out many times before, but something feels different this time. She doesn’t even seem angry, like she usually is, but rather her tears are coming from a place of pure exhaustion. It feels like a breaking point where she just can’t handle another year of her and her business being in the crosshairs.
But unfortunately for her, that seems to be where we’re headed, because the very next scene is Bronwyn and Whitney meeting up at the top of a mountain to discuss the details of these cases even further. Specifically, we get excerpts from the suit that allege that Lisa didn’t dispute the debt but rather replied with a “palm-face emoji” and “OVERWHELMED.” Granted, that does sound like her. On top of that, it also alleges that she wanted to keep John out of the loop about said debt.
Over at Mary’s house, she sits down with Robert Jr. and the pair have another candid conversation about his battle with addiction. Much like the one we saw last year, it’s at times uncomfortable to watch and revealing. Robert talks about the difficulty of coming home to the place where he used to party without falling back into that routine, and how isolated he now feels without the friends he used to party with. He says he’s been coping with that isolation in “unhealthy” ways, like “food” and “drugs,” but clarifies that he means smoking weed. It’s such a delicate conversation and journey that I’m sure endless debates could be had over whether we should even be watching it unfold. I don’t know the answer to that, but what is clear is that Mary is being an incredible and supportive mother in this unimaginable situation, and the hope in sharing this on the show is surely to help others in similar positions.
As you can imagine, coming up with any segue or smooth transition here is a complete impossibility, but now Bronwyn and Heather are getting lunch. In an attempt to make peace, Bronwyn tries to clarify the misunderstanding that they had over their different feelings about empty nesting. Ultimately, Heather is projecting any insecurity she might have about being ready for her kids to leave onto Bronwyn’s comments. Since these are arguably the show’s two most emotionally intelligent Housewives, they’re able to see this and put it to bed.
However, what still needs to be litigated is why Bronwyn pursued Lisa so aggressively on the camping trip, especially after attempting to make peace at the reunion. Bronwyn essentially says that since Lisa kept going after her anyway, their peace treaty is off. But she doesn’t want that to ruin her relationship with Heather, so the pair toasts to staying friends. But with Lisa Barlow caught between them, things don’t feel promising.
Just when you might have thought our cup was already overflowing with this incredible, sprawling cast, we have someone new to meet. Amy Steele, who’s being billed as a “Utah socialite” (despite that sounding like an oxymoron), is throwing a fancy party at her home, and the gang’s all going, even the name on everybody’s lips. Lisa Barlow arrives into the lion’s den, giving an awkward wave to Angie and then immediately cornering Meredith to ask about what was said on the trip.
Meredith plays it exactly as you’d expect by vaguely alluding to “not nice” things being said but refusing to give details. But luckily for Lisa, Britani saunters over and launches into a complete play-by-play. “Bronwyn was the one pulling facts out of the air,” she says, before giddily adding, “Angie compared you to Jen Shah!” I’m obsessed with this woman; she’s the best thing to happen to television in … perhaps all of history. She doesn’t even have any fear about tattling on these women when they’re standing literally feet away, and sure enough, Lisa decides to head right over to confront them. But before we get to that exchange, I must mention that while all of this is unfolding, a man in a bolo tie and a woman in a massive fedora stand directly behind them. I don’t have much to say about them, but it would be journalistic malpractice not to acknowledge their presence, considering how they’ve been continually drawing my eye this entire time.
Anyway, as Lisa begins to confront Angie, Bronwyn hears her name and tries to join in on the conversation. “I don’t want to talk to you, you’re dismissed,” Lisa tells her, unfortunately perfectly setting Bronwyn up for a lawsuit dismissal joke in her confessional. It almost seems like Bronwyn feels cheated that Angie is getting the big confrontation scene even though she was the one who did all the work of bringing up the lawsuits — and if that’s the case, Lisa is masterfully not giving her the attention she wants (at least at first). “You’re loitering! This is loitering! She’s loitering!” Lisa shouts out as Bronwyn refuses to leave, and I am simply on the floor laughing. It’s just when I think I couldn’t laugh more, that Lisa calls her “gout dick sucker” and I collapse yet again.
“I thought gout was in the feet,” Whitney ponders. This all then seamlessly transitions to a conversation about the mystery man that the court case alleges pays for Lisa’s AmEx. She naturally denies this and instead says that Bronwyn sleeps with Todd so he’ll pay for her AmEx. It’s a game of AmEx ping pong, back and forth, back and forth. It’s so explosive that I’m starting to think that this Amy woman hired them all to be there as the party’s entertainment instead of getting a juggler or band. And you know what? Money well spent.
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