The Golden Bachelor Australia launches tonight, inviting viewers into a world where age is no barrier to heartbreak, hope and Botox.
Australia, brace yourself — The Golden Bachelor Australia has shuffled onto Channel 9, bringing with it the faint whiff of nostalgia, rose petals, and joint cream.
Once the crown jewel of reality dating on Channel 10, The Bachelor franchise was long past its prime when it finally flatlined. But now, Channel 9 has dug it up, polished it off, and rebranded it with a “golden” twist — and a cast old enough to require a defibrillator close by.
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From the opening scene, it’s clear this isn’t your standard Bachelor formula. The first five minutes are spent in solemn remembrance of Bear’s late wife Audrey, setting a mood somewhere between a eulogy and a dating ad for over-60s singles. It’s touching — if not exactly the flirty tone you’d expect from a show about finding love.
Samantha Armytage is on hosting duties, doing her best to inject charisma and sparkle into proceedings. To her credit, she works hard to warm up the atmosphere, but she’s battling uphill. Australia’s first Golden Bachelor seems like a lovely bloke, but watching him on screen is like waiting for a dial-up modem to connect.
He has all the emotional range of a cold fish, and there are moments when he forgets to speak entirely — giving the uncomfortable impression of someone caught in the middle of a “senior’s moment.”
Bear’s signature move appears to be holding hands with every contestant as they arrive, which could be endearing — or simply an attempt to steady himself in case of a fall.
As for the contestants, it’s a line-up that truly delivers. There’s a grab bag of nutcases in the best possible reality-TV tradition — women who are fierce, funny, and occasionally unhinged. They’ve lived through heartbreak, reinvention, Botox appointments and Pilates classes, and now they’re ready to battle for one man’s lukewarm affection.
Among them, Bianca Dye is the undisputed standout. The radio favourite is as sharp and entertaining as ever, providing moments of genuine humour and heart amid the sob stories and slow dancing. Angela, the psychotherapist, brings emotional intelligence; Jan, the age transformation coach, serves poise and optimism; and Pip, the construction-site hoist operator, brings an unexpected spark and sense of adventure.
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But even with all their colour and charisma, the show can’t quite shake the feeling that it’s been embalmed rather than rebooted. The editing is glossy, the music swells dramatically, and the roses are handed out with trembling hands — yet it all feels more like a comfort watch than a must-watch.
It’s undeniably fun in that “can’t-look-away” sort of way. You’ll find yourself chuckling at the awkward flirtations, mistimed pauses and earnest declarations of love that sound like they were borrowed from a retirement village happy hour. The show is absurd, heartfelt and entirely self-aware — which might just make it perfect television for 2025.
In the end, The Golden Bachelor Australia is exactly what you think it is: mildly amusing, occasionally touching, and entirely forgettable. It’s TV designed to distract you from your own questionable dating history while you laugh at the misfortunes of others — a classic Bachelor experience, just with a few more life lessons and a lot more grey hair.
The Golden Bachelor Australia premieres tonight, Monday, October 20 at 7.30pm on Channel 9 and 9Now.
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