Kate Bridge scrolled through her phone on a recent weekend to see if any of her friends were free to catch up while her partner was out with his friends. The Melbourne resident spoke to a few people, but they were all unavailable, and she quickly discovered that she didn’t have as many mates as she thought she did.
Kate told Yahoo Lifestyle it was a bizarre and strange realisation that made her really evaluate her life.
“I think it was just at that moment, I was like – I really don’t have any friends that are interested in doing things that I’m interested in doing and want to do things in general,” the 33-year-old said.
“All of my friends that I do have, there aren’t many of them, they’re all from school.
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“You just kind of drift apart, and that’s normal, but I just realised I don’t really have a go-to group of friends anymore, which is sad, but I feel like it’s so common.”
While she thought it was “embarrassing” to admit, she posted a video about her experience on social media to see what advice the internet could give her, and the comments left her surprised.
“So many people were like, ‘Oh my God, me too, I can totally relate’. So obviously it’s not just me feeling this way,” Kate revealed.
Why is it so hard to make friends in your 30s?
There’s an endless list of why this happens to people.
Kate believed that being in your 30s made it much harder to meet new people because it’s a period when a lot of change is happening.
Your late 20s can be when you might meet “the one”, meaning your priorities would massively shift.
“It gets so much harder in your 30s, because people have kids, they’ve got family commitments,” she told Yahoo Lifestyle.
“Then you’ve got people that don’t have kids and don’t plan on having kids, and then we’re all working full-time and in roles that have a lot more responsibility than we did when we were in our 20s.
“We’re working longer hours because of the cost of living, and everyone’s just time-poor, money-poor and tired. Honestly, no one can be bothered.”
Friendship groups can also be consolidated and cemented in your 20s, making it much harder for someone to break in a decade later.
Many Aussies are actually fairly lonely
Kate admitted she had no idea that so many people would resonate with her message.
“It felt nice in a way to know I’m not the only one, and I wasn’t the only one feeling this way,” she said.
And she’s certainly not wrong.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics recently revealed that one in six Aussies reported feeling lonely often, while a report from the Loneliness Awareness Week also found two in five young Australians felt lonely at any given time.
Research has found that a lack of social connection can increase the risk of premature death in the same way as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Kate runs her own crochet and knitting supplies company and has always had “quite isolating” jobs in the past.
As a result, she hasn’t had the same opportunities as others who have office-based lives, where they can make friends and build connections.
“I feel like [my job has] also really contributed to my lack of friends, which is sad, but I think I just also realised that I was missing out on a lot of things because I was too scared or anxious to go by myself,” she said.
“Then, two months ago, when I was sitting at home by myself, I was like, nah, it’s got to change. I can’t keep going on like this, just sitting at home by myself every weekend, how depressing.
“So, I had to shift my mindset and push myself out of my comfort zone and go out and do things by myself, because I’m not going to make friends sitting on the couch.”
How Kate made friends and got out of her comfort zone
Kate’s realisation about her friends, or lack thereof, led her to do a six-week pottery class and join an aerial studio.
“It’s something I’ve wanted to try for ages, but kept putting off, because I was too scared to do it by myself,” she said.
She was also keen to try attending events specifically for women wanting to make friends.
“Because everyone there for the same thing, so it takes that awkwardness away of like, ‘Do you want to be my friend?'” she said.
Ashley Ormond, the founder of Hype Girl Social Club in Melbourne, which runs events like these to help women in their 20s and 30s make meaningful connections, agreed that you just need to push yourself that little bit to do the hard thing.
Ashley Ormond launched Hype Girl Social Club to help create meaningful relationships for women in their 20s and 30s. Photo: Ashley Ormond
“You have to do the scary thing, and I think the instinct when you’re feeling alone or lonely is that you think it’s just you,” she told Yahoo Lifestyle.
“One of the most common questions I get is, ‘Does everyone already know each other? Am I going to walk into something where it’s like a clique and everyone’s already best friends and I’m the only one that’s there by myself?'”
Ash said this is not the case and urged others to take the plunge.
“I think if I could give any advice, it’s just: show up,” she said.
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“You’ve got to get out of your house and do the scary thing and do the hard thing, and showing up is by far the hardest part.”
Hype Girl Social Club began with organised walks for women and has grown so much that it has become Ash’s full-time job.
She now hosts a variety of events, including boat parties, disco nights, themed dinners, boxing classes, dance classes, and more.
“If they do the scary thing and they come to this walk or this event, they go home a little bit braver, and that’s a skill that they can take into the rest of their lives,” she said.
“And if that means that a woman’s more likely to put their hand up in a meeting, or not undersell themselves, or ask for a pay rise – that’s just so, so incredibly powerful.
“I think the more we can lift each other up and support each other, the better.”
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