Even the closest of families can be a little dysfunctional—and if you’ve ever been in therapy, you’ve probably complained about yours during a one-on-one session. But what if you could hash out your issues as a group—with your parents, siblings, in-laws, kids, whoever—all in the same room?
That’s essentially what family therapy, or bringing everyone into the same session, is about. “The goal is to shift the entire system—not just one person’s behavior,” Dorin Roth, PsyD, a psychologist who works with couples and families at Therapists of New York, tells SELF. In practice, family therapy involves having a neutral third party observe how everyone interacts in order to reduce misunderstandings, conflicts, and ideally, your stress. “We’re not focusing on fixing someone but rather reshaping the relationship as a whole,” Dr. Roth says.
So how do you know if it’s time for a professional intervention? Here are a few signs.
1. You’re having the same fight, over and over.
No matter how many times you think you’ve resolved it, the exact same argument keeps resurfacing—whether it’s about finances, your romantic relationship, or drama from years ago. If solving it on your own hasn’t worked, then having a licensed expert guide the conversation may make it easier for everyone to see the problem from a new perspective.
“When we tell someone what’s happening, it’s only our version of the story,” Erin Runt, LMFT, a Chicago-based licensed therapist, tells SELF. “We’re always like, ‘Well, this is what I did, but it’s because the other person is just being this way!” However, family therapy provides a more neutral space where all parties can share their experience and feel supported while doing so.
2. You feel misunderstood every time you try communicating.
When no one is truly hearing each other, it’s easy for tension to rise—and for conversations to become counterproductive. And that’s where sitting down together (with a moderator in the room) can help.
Even if you’ve mastered healthy communication skills (like using “I” statements to get your points across), Dr. Roth says there’s still no guarantee that your parent, sibling, or other family member will interpret your message as intended. A therapist can observe how you’re talking to each other in real time and step in the moment someone interrupts, becomes defensive, or makes assumptions—patterns that can be difficult to recognize or change without an unbiased party present.
3. You need help navigating a major life transition.
Whether it’s a divorce, the death of a loved one, or a major cross-country move, life changes that impact the entire household can be difficult to navigate. “When families are struggling to work through those events, then that can be a great opportunity to consider therapy,” Runt says. Beyond helping everyone develop coping strategies, it’s also a chance to support each other and build a sense of togetherness during tough times.
4. You experience pushback after setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries—or even just asking for a little space—is easier said than done, especially if your family doesn’t respect them. Maybe they dismiss your needs as “dramatic,” or guilt-trip you for refusing to come home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.