After a deep trawl through the current peloton, this is the only eight-man squad Santa could realistically put together without forcing it.
The undisputed leader. Big engine, explosive moments, and the name alone makes him first pick for the red-and-white jersey.
Every Christmas needs a bit of jingle, and Jinglegaard brings calm authority when the sleigh heads uphill.
A Christmas Tour team without Chris-mas Froome would feel wrong. Experience, patience, and plenty of stories for a long December evening.
Yule is right there in the name, and so is youthful energy. Santa’s future-proof option for the mountains.
Someone has to deliver, and Present-son does exactly that. Reliable, powerful, and always on time.
Built for cold conditions and crosswinds. If the Tour ever detours through Lapland, Snow-ren is ready.
Merry by name and ruthless at the finish. Santa still needs stages wrapped up quickly.
Cold weather specialist and final piece of the puzzle. When the temperature drops, Frost thrives.
It may not trouble the yellow jersey contenders, but as Christmas Day teams go, the North Pole could do far worse. And unlike Santa’s sleigh, this one would definitely pass a bike check.
Of course, none of this is meant to be taken too seriously. Christmas Day is one of the few moments in the season when cycling can afford to relax, have a bit of fun, and look at the peloton from a different angle. If nothing else, it is a reminder that even in a sport driven by marginal gains and data, there is still room for a smile before the road tilts uphill again in January.