His point about Joyce, the One Nation MP and former Walcha Rugby Club back-rower, started with wondering “whether you have to be a special type of grubby to join Pauline Hanson’s mob, or … whether you get injected with grubby when you join?”
Martin Bella in action for Queensland during his playing days.Credit: Getty Images
He referred to an interview Joyce had given, in which the National Party’s runaway dodged the question of whether an assertion by his new boss, Hanson, that there are “[no] good Muslims” was outrageous or not, and likened Joyce’s contortions to be “watching a maggot on a barbecue plate”.
And as to Joyce’s past run-in with a garden bed late at night after a heavy-drinking session, Bella took his hat, his coat and his umbrage at Joyce comparing himself to John Gorton, when he said Gorton had been a big drinker too but had never got into trouble as he was under so much less scrutiny:
“So, Barnaby Joyce is trying to excuse his conduct by comparing himself to a former fighter pilot, who was shot down, smashed up, torpedoed … to his battles with a garden bed.”
As to Bella’s painted nails, referred to in another post, they are done by his delighted granddaughters for fun!
Chief concern for Chammas
For the first time in my weekly Q&A with the Sun-Herald this week, I have interviewed a colleague – none other than Michael Chammas – just as he leaves a 20-year career in journalism to become the general manager of football for the PNG Chiefs, who enter the NRL competition in 2028. It is a big move for one who has never administered a ping pong team, let alone a rugby league side in the wilds of a foreign country with a notoriously difficult security problem, and I had to ask the obvious …
Fitz: “How will you get players and coaches to go to Port Moresby? All of us who have visited PNG love the place, and more particularly the warm-hearted people. But, by any measure, Moresby can be very dangerous. I genuinely mean no disrespect to that wonderful country, when I say that if you put 50 PNG ‘raskols’ in a room with the 50 toughest bikies in Australia and called out ‘FIGHT!’ my money would go on the raskols to be wearing the bikies’ balls for earrings within five minutes. So, how do you get people to go there?”
PNG Chiefs general manager Michael Chammas in Port Moresby.Credit: David Townsend
Chammas: “By giving them an adventure of a lifetime. If they are just coming for a pay cheque, they’re not the people we want. We want players who want to come here and embrace this country. And obviously, there are going to be some strong security measures that are going to be taken care of, but those who want to be part of it are going to be treated like royalty over here. They’re going to be absolute rock stars in a way they won’t be anywhere else. But also, we create an environment that they love, and their families will love. The families are the key.”
This will be one to watch. As to Toby Rudolf’s public plea this week to the Chiefs – Pick me! Pick me! (see What They Said) – I reckon he’d be a great start. Rudolf has greatness in him, it’s just that he’s come well off his heights of three years ago. If the Chiefs could unlock that greatness once more, he’d be a great buy.
Sydney brothers doing Italy proud
Which brings us, oddly enough, to the Italian cricket team.
They actually did alright at the T20 World Cup – only narrowly losing to England and putting up a good fight against the Windies, and beating Nepal. How, you ask? Well, a good part of it was due to the efforts of two pairs of brothers, Justin and Anthony Mosca and Ben and Harry Manenti, who grew up near each other out Camden way.
Up against Nepal, Harry Manenti captained wisely and the Mosca lads hauled down the total required between them, giving Italy an historic 10-wicket win. Against the English, Ben Manenti scored 60 off 25 balls, while Justin Mosca, a Cabramatta PE teacher, stared down Jofra Archer and gave him a bit of hurry-up for his trouble.
Here in Sydney, there were late-night parties with big TV screens up at the Marconi Club, which normally only happens for Italian soccer matches. Congratulations to them all. And everyone after me: Gotta love this city!
Justin Mosca and Anthony Mosca after their match-winning partnership.Credit: ICC via Getty Images
Zimbabwe trump Aussies again
So Australia lost to Zimbabwe in the T20 cricket thingummy? I just don’t care. It is T20! But it does have an upside. It is just the kind of hook needed to retell the best sledging story ever told.
See, back in 1999, the Australian team was playing Zimbabwe, when one of the Australian bowlers kept forcing portly tail-ender Eddo Brandes to play and miss, coming frustratingly close to dismissing him. Finally, when Brandes completely missed the ball one more time, it was more than flesh and blood and spirit could stand and the Australian bowler finished just a couple of metres from the Zimbabwe batsman.
“Why are you so fat?” the bowler snarled, glaring at Brandes. The reply came back instantly. “Because every time I f— your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”
And the upshot? It was about three minutes before the Australian slips fieldsmen could again compose themselves well enough for the bowler to deliver his next ball.
What they said
Hull KR and former Roosters and Rabbitohs winger Joe Burgess: “I changed a few things about my diet and stopped watching porn. It wasn’t making me feel better so why was I doing it? I just stopped. I haven’t watched porn in about two years. It’s given me more energy.” Bravo, his honesty. Fewer blisters, too!
Cronulla’s Toby Rudolf: “All I ever do on my days off is message the team group chat – which no-one replies to – ‘Hey boys, who want to come for coffee?’ Who wants to get breakfast?’ Crickets.” He was spruiking himself, as you do, for a gig with the PNG Chiefs. (See item.)
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Australian Winter Olympian Scotty James after again missing out on gold at his fifth Olympics: “The next 24 hours I’ll probably have a bit of a cry, but I’ll be happy as well because representing the country and winning a medal is unbelievable, and I’m really proud of that. I think what I can live with is that I tried my best.”
Josie Baff after winning Winter Olympic snowboard cross gold: “I would like to say I can’t believe it, but I kind of can. I feel like I deserve it. I put in a lot of hard work, so I knew I could do it, but to actually have the medal around my neck is very, very cool. There’s been a lot of sacrifice, a lot of sweat, a lot of tears; probably not as much blood.”
Baff on life as a gold medal-winning Winter Olympian: “So yeah, I would love to be a Weet-Bix kid. If you want to put that in your articles, I’d really appreciate that. I’d [also] love a car.”
Norwegian skier Atle Lie McGrath after he crashed in the slalom, only to stomp off into the woods to have a good lie-down: “I just needed some time for myself and it’s hard to think that, you know, the next time I’ll be able to ski the Olympics, I’ll be 29 not 25.”
What would an Olympic Games be without a story about the athletes’ village running out of condoms? Has to win the biennial gold medal for tropes? Here is IOC spokesman Mark Adams, atop the Milan podium: “Clearly this shows Valentine’s Day is in full swing at the village. Ten thousand have been used – 2800 athletes – you can go figure, as they say. It is rule 62 of the Olympic Charter that we have to have a condoms story. Faster, higher, stronger, together.”
Destanee Aiava’s Parthian shot to tennis as she announced her immediate retirement, was more an artillery shell: “Tennis is a sport that hides behind so-called class and gentlemanly values. [But] behind the white outfits and traditions is a culture that’s racist, misogynistic, homophobic and hostile to anyone who doesn’t fit the mould … It also took things from me. My relationship with my body. My health. My family. My self-worth.”
Belgian soccer player Eden Hazard retires after a great run: “Life goes really fast, especially in football. Yesterday I was 19, today I’m 35. You have to enjoy it, not just in football but in everything.”
Meme circulating on Twitter: “Contrary to reports, Australia can still go to the Super 8s of the T20 World Cup. However they’ll need to buy tickets soon as they’re selling fast.”
Waratahs coach Dan McKellar is a fan of Max Jorgensen: “We want to try and get 30,000, 35,000 people here, and the Max Jorgensens of the world will certainly help that, because they’re players you want to watch live.”
Team of the Week
Josie Baff. Gold, gold, gold for Australia. Bravissima.
Jakara Anthony. Also won gold at Milan to become Australia’s first two-time Winter Olympic champion and lock this in as our best ever Winter Olympics.
Alex de Minaur. Won the Rotterdam Open.
Nick Hockley. Former CEO of Cricket Australia now appointed Global CEO of BatFast, some mob that “leads the world in global sports simulation technology”. Good man, will go well.
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James Slipper. Will play his 200th Super Rugby match when the Brumbies face the Crusaders tomorrow. Good dig, that.
Sydney Kings. In top spot heading into the final week of the season. Nope. Me neither. (The season has started already? Who knew? And when does the A-League start, for that matter?)
Waratahs. Started the season with a good win over Queensland.