“The traits of this [vulnerable] type are less overt, involving more passive aggression than direct aggression and more subtle, manipulative ways of achieving their ends,” said Kjelsaas.
Why women and men show narcissism differently.
It all comes down to what society expects from us, really.
According to Dr Kjelsaas, research suggests the difference between grandiose and vulnerable narcissism is “largely due to social expectations and social roles and the ways in which these differ for men and women.”
Think about it: when a guy is dominant, assertive, and has that “main character energy,” we’re often like, “Yeah, that tracks.” It fits with traditional masculinity.
But women? We’re expected to be warm, nurturing, emotionally switched on.
We are also generally more empathetic than men, as determined by a massive University of Cambridge study of over 300,000 people across 57 countries.
So, when narcissism pops up in women, it often takes this vulnerable form. Less bold and grandiose, more insecure, hypersensitive, and playing the victim.
This is partly why up to 75 per cent of people diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are men, as per the American Psychological Association. It’s way easier to diagnose a louder type than a covert operator.
“It’s also important to recognise that, due to prevailing gender roles, women who do not conform to gender stereotypes (e.g. those with a more assertive or direct leadership style) may be mislabelled by others as narcissists,” said Dr Kjelsaas.