Is the secret to a happy marriage having a separate men’s shed and ‘she shed’?

Is the secret to a happy marriage having a separate men’s shed and “she shed”?

Jodie Cox jokes with her husband about who has the most hobbies.

Dave and Jodie Cox have always prioritised their own hobbies within their marriage. (ABC Far North: Amanda Cranston)

After 33 years together, the “almost” empty nesters believe following their own passions has kept their relationship strong.

Following individual passions

For three decades, Jodie and Dave Cox have shared a happy marriage.

And it’s all the happier, they say, because they each have their own creative projects and the space to pursue them.

Dave’s studio is where he works on his passion projects. (ABC Far North: Amanda Cranston)

For Dave, that includes fixing cars, building stuff, electronics, making short films, documentaries and editing.

His shed out the back is full of cars and his inside studio is used for editing projects, such as docos and local short films.

“These are passion projects, I think if I did it for work it wouldn’t be as much fun,” he said.

Jodie, on the other hand, loves paper crafting, candle making, decoupage, mosaic and high teas.

Jodie says her craft room is therapeutic and she couldn’t live without it (ABC Far North: Amanda Cranston)

She has a dedicated craft room, where she often sits with girlfriends creating cards and catching up.

“I would never want to be without my craft room, it’s therapeutic,” Jodie said.

She also jokes that she can’t afford any more hobbies because she doesn’t have any more space.

“We love doing things together, but having time and space to ourselves helps create a more sane environment,” Jodie said.

Finding purpose

Jane and Todd Mitchell run a civil construction business together.

After 21 years of marriage, they are about to become empty nesters when their youngest heads to university next year.

Jane is now pursuing her own passion projects while Todd has many hobbies. (ABC Far North: Amanda Cranston)

Given the couple spends their working hours together, they also need time to pursue their own interests during their down time.

Jane said she finally feels like she can focus on her own hobbies (now).

Last year she founded the She Shed in Cairns, so other women had a space to connect, create friendships and engage in their hobbies.

“It’s opened up a whole network of new friendships and I’m actually crafting again,” she said.

Jane inside the She Shed in Cairns, which allows lots of women to enjoy craft and friendship. (ABC Far North: Amanda Cranston)

Todd said the She Shed has been great for Jane.

“She’s definitely happier because it’s given her purpose,” he said. 

Todd is happy because he gets to add to his growing collection of vintage tractors, motorbikes and mountain bikes.

“You’ve got to have your own interests, as long as you come together at the end of the day,” Todd said.

“And you love each other.”

Todd has been collecting vintage tractors for years and has his own shed for his passion. (Supplied: Jane Mitchell)

Your own identity

Psychologist and CEO of Relationships Australia, Elisabeth Shaw, agrees relationships won’t thrive if couples are entirely focused on each other.

“It’s not so much about the separateness, it’s about bolstering your own identity so you bring stuff back to the nest that enriches you both,” she said.

“Having separate interests can be very valuable.”

Psychologist and CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, Elisabeth Shaw, says couples need outside interests to thrive. (Supplied: Elisabeth Shaw)

Ms Shaw said having other people and interests outside the marriage bubble brings life and energy to the relationship, separate news, stories and experiences to share.

She explained that it helps you discover new things about yourself, and seeing your partner engaged and having fun can be very attractive.

“There’s no ‘one size fits all’ and couples need to find their own rhythm,” Ms Shaw said.

Whether couples are empty nesters, navigating retirement or taking on the role of full-time carer, Ms Shaw believes taking time to pursue their own interests becomes vital.

“It’s perfectly normal to take time for yourself as part of a healthy relationship — it’s not a bad thing,” she said. 

Hayley and Gio love having their own space to work on projects.  (ABC Far North: Amanda Cranston)

Space and creativity

Cairns artist Hayley Gillespie believes all couples need their own space to think and create.

After working for years from the lounge room of the Queenslander she shares with her partner of 12 years, Giovanni (Gio) Douven, Hayley built an art studio in the backyard.

“When I walk through the doors of my studio, my brain is in a different creative space,” she said.

Artist Hayley built an art studio in her backyard. (ABC Far North: Amanda Cranston)

“I go into my own world and it’s good stress-relief.”

Having always worked from home, Hayley said having separate spaces for both her and Gio has been great for their relationship.

Gio likes to tinker in his shed but also helps Hayley with her art projects, like the giant fibreglass fish. (ABC Far North: Amanda Cranston)

Gio has his own shed space under the house for his tools, bikes and home projects.

“I like tinkering on the car, working on my bikes and I make a lot of stuff for Hayley here,” Gio said.

Hayley said it is vital they each have their own space to make a mess and follow their own passions.

“It’s what makes us such a great partnership, and he makes all my DIY dreams come true,” she said.

Hayley is able to switch off and be creative in her art studio. ((ABC Far North: Amanda Cranston))