I noticed that there was something wrong with my teenage son during the first lockdown in 2020 [says Sonoko Obuchi, 43, an artist and designer].
He suffers from depression and OCD and it became very bad, to the point that he was self-harming. We were registered with CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, the NHS support service for young people with mental health difficulties) but of course so many other children were in the same position at that time and many of them had worse difficulties than us.
When he went back to school in September 2020 the nurse also reported worries, and he was saying to us that he didn’t want to go to school at all. We thought it was just a phase and that he would be OK once he marched himself back. But he wasn’t.
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By February 2021 he couldn’t get up any more. He was in a depression, saying, “What is the point of living?”, and telling us that he thought about jumping off the platform of the Circle Line on his way to school.
Then he stopped going, but he was still being bullied online by some of his classmates, who were upset about his non-attendance. It made me feel like a failure as a mother. I was really torturing myself and I realise now that I was in a depression as well.
I talked to my husband [Danyul Organ, 53, head of IT operations for a television company] about what we could do, and we felt that starting from scratch somewhere new was our best hope. We could go into a new environment without any shame and somewhere we wouldn’t have to explain anything to anyone.
Danyul came up with the idea that he could relocate his job to Manchester and we started looking within an hour’s commute for a house for us, our son (now 17) and our younger boy (14)*.
In 2021 we found a house we all liked, in Whaley Bridge [in High Peak, Derbyshire, 16 miles from Manchester], but I admit that I was worried. I am Japanese and I was not sure a village in the English countryside could have an Asian person living there. So I went up on my own a week after we saw the house and walked around. Everyone was really, really friendly and nice and welcoming and it gave me confidence.
The couple found a house in Whaley Bridge, 16 miles from Manchester
We owned a 50 per cent share in our three-bedroom shared-ownership flat in Kensal Green, northwest London, and it sold for £530,000. That gave us enough of a deposit to buy a four-bedroom house with a studio and a back garden, which cost £430,000.
My son slept all day and was awake all night. Having space for us to function and let him be was a huge improvement to our quality of life.
The biggest thing that changed, though, was that I apologised to my son for not understanding him. I had thought he was a clever, streetwise person and assumed that everything was fine. I did not spend enough time really listening to him.
Living near accessible green space has been a huge help for Sonoko’s son
In 2022 we started to do an animation project together in a local café, and by September I could see a difference.
One day he asked if he could borrow my bicycle and go out for a cycle. I couldn’t believe it but he knew the benefit of nature and wanted to try it out. Since then he has really immersed himself in nature and it has made such a difference.
In January 2024 he was 15 and had been out of education for three and a half years, and he said he was ready to go back, with a tutor coming to the house. He was healing and had enough hope to want to do something for his future.
He started to study for four GCSEs: two English, one maths, and art and design. For that he had to go into the local college and they were very good with him. They let him sit by the window and asked the other students not to communicate with him, which is what he wanted.
Since making the move, the couple have fully immersed themselves in local life
When he took his exams he did so well — he got an 8 in English and art and something like a 6 in maths, and he had only been studying for three or four months. I cried when we found out.
His grades enabled him to study art (at an independent specialist arts college) and he has got a place at Brighton University to study fashion and business in 2027. He wants to do an art foundation course in his gap year. All the students have got complications, and it is the first time he has had a circle of friends. It is unbelievable.
For me the move has also been amazing. Because people welcomed me, I wanted to participate in some activities. Straight away I joined the PTA. We have a street party once a year and I offer everything I can — face painting and cooking. I go to bingo nights and quiz nights and I am just so thankful.
I am also very aware of my younger son, who was ten when we moved. I was really worried about that, but he loves his school here and he feels that there is less pressure too. All his London friends have so much homework to do every night, and he has time to relax and hang out with his friends.
He is fine so far, but of course I am now very aware of how things can change.
*Names withheld