Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photos: Everett Collection (Universal, 20th Century Fox), Getty Images (Kevin Winter/TAS24, Euan Cherry/Peacock), Warner Bros., Netflix, Courtesy of retailer, Julian Hamilton/WireImage
On the surface, Parvati Shallow’s childhood doesn’t look anything like her daughter’s. Shallow was raised in a cultlike Hindu commune in Florida, where she was named by the group’s guru rather than her parents. Her 7-year-old daughter, Ama, has grown up enjoying the freedom and sunshine of L.A.’s west side. Shallow was also fairly isolated from entertainment in her home, not really absorbing much until her family left the commune when she was 9 and she got into the Baby-Sitters Club series. Ama, on the other hand, has grown up with a mom who has not only given her access to TV, movies, and books but has become a keystone cultural figure through her devious and dominating work on shows like Survivor and The Traitors.
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But look a bit deeper and there are more than a few similarities. Both Shallow and her daughter are nature crazed, with Shallow’s childhood centering on walks in the woods and yoga classes while Ama’s is more about trips to the beach. Shallow also says that, as a single mom, she’s had to consciously try to create community for her daughter, inviting friends and family over for dinners and game nights. Those same friends have also stepped up, commune style, to help Shallow raise Ama, taking babysitting shifts and bringing their kids along, turning the mother-daughter duo’s home into more of a village hub than an isolated outpost.
“We have family dinners every Monday or Tuesday night with this group of women I know who are in their 20s, so they’re like big sisters to my daughter,” Shallow says. “They come over every week and it’s a consistent routine, which I think is important because I want my daughter to have a family that’s bigger than me and people that she can rely on. It’s great, too, because I don’t want to play role-play games with Ama, but these friends will, and she’ll feel good because she gets to order around grown-ups. Like, my daughter literally had one of my guy friends who’s six-foot-four hog-tied, climbing into the trunk of his girlfriend’s car as part of a game, and he was totally cool with it.”
Here’s what Shallow, Ama, and other members of their chosen family like to listen to, watch, and play together.
Photo: Warner Bros.
My daughter has been a live wire since she was born. She hasn’t stopped moving. She’s very athletic and very fierce, which is similar to how I was when I was little. But unlike me, she also has access to pop culture because of who I am.
So, I’ve brought her into some of my favorite classic movies from when I was a little bit of an older child, like Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead. We watched that together and it’s so good. She was really scared for a bit because she was worried about the babysitter, but luckily, as I told her, the movie’s not really about the babysitter.
We also watched Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, which is a classic, and Mamma Mia. We just got together with some friends who projected that movie in their driveway onto their garage, so we had a little movie night with popcorn. It was like a block party for the kids and then the next morning, she wanted to watch Mamma Mia 2, so we did and then we had a dance party.
I like bringing in the older movies because they’re just sillier and slower. There’s more character development. It’s less like, “zing, zoom,” where you’re so overstimulated by whatever is happening.
When something comes up in those movies that’s inappropriate today, I’ll talk to her about it straight up, too. Like, Mamma Mia is very heavy on the sexual innuendo, so if she asks me a question about it, I’ll answer. Or if she’s like, “Wait, how old was she when she got married?” I’ll say, “Well, the reason why the mom didn’t want the daughter to get married was because she’s too young and she needs to live her life first. You shouldn’t get married until you’re older, have lived a good life, and done some things.”
In Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead, they chain-smoke constantly, which I thought I’d have to talk about. But my daughter was like, “Ew, gross, I don’t like cigarettes,” so I didn’t even really have to address it.
There’s nothing really off limits between us. If she asks me about something, we’ll talk about it because I don’t want to make it weird. We have a very open policy where she can ask me anything and she can say anything here at our house, but when she’s out at school, there’s certain things she can’t say and can’t do. And she’s a very, very smart kid so she’s aware and intelligent, so I don’t have to overexplain anything to her. She gets it.
Photo: Kevin Winter/TAS24/Getty Images
My daughter loves Taylor Swift, though we’ve listened to it so much that I can never listen to it on my own now without her. She also ran KPop Demon Hunters into the ground, which I think a lot of parents can relate to.
I guess when I was little, I could play Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey and Paula Abdul songs over and over and never get sick of it, but as an adult, it’s like, “no.” I don’t even like to watch the same movie I’ve watched already.
Photo: Netflix
She’s watching this show right now called Super PupZ. I don’t know how she found it, but I think it’s on Netflix. She’s newly obsessed with it and I think she’s watched the entire thing like three times.
Photo: 20th Century Fox/Everett Collection
We love the Trolls movies. I’m obsessed, though I will say you feel totally cracked out at the end of all of them. Each progressive Trolls movie has gotten more and more insane.
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We don’t do any video games, but we do hands-on games. We’ll play Twister or Chutes and Ladders. We have this game Sleeping Queens that’s fun. Go Fish is a classic, and we’ll play it at dinner or breakfast. It’s just something to sort of keep us in an activity so that we can talk because I’ve found it difficult to have a conversation with my kid unless we’re doing something together, like roller skating. If we’re roller skating together, we can talk about anything. If we’re in the car together, we can talk about anything. But if we’re sitting at a table, it’s like the momentum stops. So that’s why we’re always playing games.
We have an art area at my house too, where it’s sort of free-form. I have a bunch of canvases that she can grab. We have acrylic pens that are really great. She has watercolors that she can do anywhere in the house. When we’re sitting together, doing art, we can talk.
I think kids process their feelings through creative outlets. I have another friend who’s a musician and she will do what she calls art therapy or art camp with my daughter. I’ll bring my daughter over to her house and she’ll have an activity to do, like sidewalk chalk or making a painting or picture, and then they’ll write a song together based on the picture that she drew or whatever she’s feeling. I’ll leave her there and when I come back, they’ll perform their song for me.
It’s so cool. I’m a big believer in roping in your talented, creative friends to help parent your children. I think it can also be really rewarding and fulfilling for the adults who teach the kids, too, if they’re into it.
Photo: Euan Cherry/PEACOCK via Getty Images
When I was on Traitors, she’d watch it with me, and at the beginning, she was like, “You killed someone!” She was beside herself. I had to be like, “It’s pretend.”
I don’t usually have the TV on for myself when my daughter’s around because she’ll just beam in on whatever I’m watching so I’m pretty discerning about my TV time. I’ve got to wait to watch Heated Rivalry until she’s in bed.
Ama is really into The Traitors. It’s actually the only reality show that I enjoy watching, too, because it’s so theatrical and campy and the way they shoot it is so cinematic. Also, Alan Cumming is to die for and I have friends on the show every time.
I am divorced, and my daughter’s dad and his family listen to a lot of NPR news. So my daughter will hear it when she’s with them and then when she comes home, she’s like, “Tell me about this man who just got killed. What’s going on?”
We’ll talk about it, but I don’t want that vibe in my house. We’re not listening to the news together, and we’re not talking about the news otherwise. If she asks me about stuff, I’ll answer and I’ll say, “It’s pretty scary and there are some people who are really afraid. That’s why it’s important to protect each other and look out for each other, and if you ever feel scared, you can ask me,” but it’s hard. Those kinds of questions always come at bedtime too, in part because I think she’s trying to delay the inevitable, but that’s also when I’m the most tired too. Being a mom is hard.