Greetings simpletons and welcome to yet another Friday’s Rugby News. Much rugby matters to discuss today, as the pointy end of SRP draws near. Today we kick off with a potential lawsuit with ‘They did what now? ‘Then head south for an update on Mexican legal wrangling in ‘We’re good for it’. Investigate the insecurities of many on G&GR with ‘What Tah ’bout me?’ Then preview the games that matter, for the final regulation round of SRP in ‘The Last Supper’. Before putting the cork in this week’s rugby bottle, with an internationally flavoured ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, officially recognised as the united nations of rugby: largely useless and nobody knows why it exists.

Ponderosa CCTV

They did what now?

Hey QRU, what gives?

No sooner have Happyman and I put forward comprehensive and compelling plans for establishment of the Ponderosa Premier League, to change SR, bring in Asia, a draft, tiers, championships, relegations, promotions, the whole 9 yards, the the QRU have released ‘their plan’ for enhancing SRP that appears to have been lifted straight from the pages of G&GR.

Christy Doran of Fox Sports News, The Roar, Murdoch’s ‘The meanderings of the mad right monthly’, reports of the Reds ‘plan’ to restructure and save SR, as it slowly withers and dies on the vines of stagnation.

Friday’s Rugby News readers will know I am a man of humility and happily walk amongst you, the common, simple folk. Rarely bragging about the millions of rugby readers across the globe who dial in every Friday to read some the greatest rugby prose ever written (this side of the equator), and not easily seduced by hyperbole. But it get’s my goat when ideas like those proffered by Happyman and me (mostly me) are stolen for corporate gain elsewhere. And to quote Mrs Hoss: ‘I am buggered if I am gonna take this lying down’.

The warrior spirit in me has been awakened, the drums of litigation beating loudly within. For those in the legal fraternity looking to make a name for yourself (and represent Happy & I pro-bono) I’d suggest you click the ‘contact us’ form below and let us know why we should choose you to make us millions.

For the rest of you, you can see the QRU plunder our ideas, as reported in the Australian here. Naturally I am happy to contribute in any way to make our game great again, but only if I can also make obscene amounts of money at the same time.

‘Hello ATO, how bout we set the next payment date for the 30th February instead?’

We’re good for it.

It’s actually taken the complete implosion of the Rebels organisation to finally draw a decent crowd to a fixture involving the Rebels, or for any sort of media interest in them, or from anyone at all really. In rugby parlance, it would seem the Reb’s organisation and their current legal predicament sees them heading to the half time sheds, 38 points down, three players sent off, the coach jumping in his car and driving off, and their team about to run out for the second half into the teeth of a 50 point gale.

The Federal Court hearing continued this week with both a startling declaration from the former Rebels Finance Director Owain Stone, and an interesting manoeuvre from the legal eagles representing RA (with the support of none other than the blood sucking, day sleepers of the ATO).

RA legal counsel has successfully lobbied Judge Cameron Moore, to amend the terms of the matter, to include former Rebels Directors: Georgia Widdup, Tim North KC, Lyndsey Cattermole, Neil Hay and Gary Gray. All of whom had refrained from being part of the initial legal case, because of the ancient legal practise known in Latin as: faeces el bucketus, and instead now find themselves involved in and directly linked to, the outcome of this case.

By having the directors joined to the action, any adverse finding by Judge Moore could potentially mean:

The directors are liable to any possible adverse financial rulings made by Judge Moore against the Rebels

By having them ‘joined’ to the action, RA’s counsel has been able to effectively ‘stop’ any possible individual actions by same against RA at a later date.

Earlier in the week the former Finance Director Stone, said that they Rebels organisation was well aware of their obligations to the ATO. Also that they had made several formal arrangements for installment payments to be made to the ATO (Stone acknowledged that all agreed dates and payment terms were never fulfilled by the Rebels). According to questions asked by RA counsel and answered by Stone, at no stage had the Rebels organisation advised the ATO that the RA would be held jointly accountable for any part of the debt to the ATO. Of course, none of the above means the case is a fait accompli, but makes one wonder about the validity of the legal action undertaken by the Rebels to begin with.

Having said that, full credit to those behind the actions wrought by the Rebels organisation against RA, and for being able to scrounge up the nearly $3,000,000.00 as security (for legal costs) required to commence proceedings. Especially when it seems those funds were not available prior these proceedings, to say perhaps pay the players, staff, creditors, the ATO, or their subway lunch platter bills. I guess that explains how the Rebels were found to have been trading whilst insolvent (findings from their own appointed receiver).

The matter remains before the court.

Hosstralia.

What Tah ’bout me?

A lot of negativity from many on G&GR earlier this week about the NSW Waratahs. And it got me thinking: why so? Sure our (NSW) education, living standards, pedigree, bloodlines, teeth, personal hygiene, houses, incomes, cars, personalities, roads, infrastructure, government, sanitation, hospitals and life expectancy is far superior to all others in Oz, but just what is it that makes so many rugby people so ‘anti NSW’. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, until I did.

In terms of rugby it must be the release of Reds and Brumbies fans rugby anxiety pressure valves. That their biggest nemesis (and the most successful Australia SR side of the last 12 years) the Tahs, won’t take part in this years final series. So relief is expressed by many, as anti Tahs vitriol. You know, ‘You can’t catch us know: so suck eggs Tahs and your fans’

Or perhaps in one of those spooky ‘oh shit’, complete self-awareness moments, that the Reds and Ponies fans have realised, they don’t now have anywhere else to hide now. Their sides are finals bound and will have the weight of national expectation, the rugby torchlight shone upon their teams and into the dark recesses of poor game plans and player shortfalls, and their fans are beginning to wince a wee bit. Nobody else left to blame, and nowhere left to hide. And perhaps that’s just too stark and brutal a reality for many weak kneed Reds and Ponies fans.

I love Australian rugby, more so when the Tahs are winning, but to any objective fan, the Reds and Brumbies teams are simply finals fodder. On any form metric this season, they will be belted by (insert Kiwi sides name here) in the first round of finals. Because when it comes to playing finals footy away, Aussie teams on sheep rooter soil, royally shit the bed three ways from Sunday. And one of my favourite quotes from Happyman is: you’re only as good as your record says you are. And our team’s records for finals wins in NZ, currently stands at 0:319.

So, as the screaming vitriol subsides and the creeping nausea, the rising tide of doubt again settles in for Reds and Ponies fan, that yet another season has gone up in flames, maybe then you’ll take pause and realise, that your side was exactly one week better than the 2026 NSW Waratahs. And as a Tahs fan, the 2026 Waratahs blew chunks, but only just a little more chunks than your sides did.

So enjoy the extra week in the sun. Celebrate and luxuriate in the week long rugby fiefdoms that lay at your feet, because come Saturday night, I reckon there’s a few ol’ chestnuts we might all here again:

Proud of the boys

Cant fault the effort

We came over here to win

The bounce of the ball

We didn’t take our chances

Why do Kiwi refs suck

For when it’s time for rugby rubber to meet the road, once again the great pretenders up north and the one trick, rolling maul ponies from Pornland, will watch yet another season of toil and rugby aspirations get flushed down the dunny of despair in the lands of the Hobbit.

So I take the Tahs criticism as a backhanded compliment: an expression of twisted envy from all Reds, Ponies & Force fans. Further, I acknowledge your angst and begrudging realisation, that until the Tahs make the finals again, the chances of Australian provincial rugby glory, will remain unfulfilled.

One day boys. One day.

The Last Supper.

So to this weekends round of SRP, the top six are assured, but some tinkering still possible in just where they will sit and more importantly, where they will travel to next week.

Friday 29 May 5:05 pm AEST – Crusaders v Hurricanes at One NZ Stadium, Christchurch on Stan Sport

I plan to leave work early and take this one all in. What a belter it shapes as being. Who would have backed the Saders to come from behind and beat the Chiefs last week, well not until possibly the best ever 50-22 kicked in SRP history (was actually a 22-22) from David Havili changed the match.

Not having a horse in this race, I can’t wait to just revel in the rugby magic these sides put forward.

Fearless Prediction: You just know that when it comes to finals footy and they’re also at home, the Dark Lords always find something extra. Saders by 3

Friday 29 May 7:35 pm AEST – Queensland Reds v Fijian Drua at Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane, on Stan Sport.

Top 4 aspirations, a home final, a huge crowd (not likely) and with it all to play for, the Reds are certainly making the right noises. But: I’d remind them, that first you have to win the game. And the Drua have nothing to play for at all, and that makes them dangerous. Real dangerous.

Fearless Prediction: Drua by 19.

Saturday 30 May 2:35 pm AEST – ACT Brumbies v Moana Pasifika at GIO Stadium, Canberra, on Stan Sport

The finals series beckons, you’re second week back from a bye. You’re looking to sharpen the axe and finesse some details around your play and to get that ‘edge’ for the next round. And then you run into the Upper Humptidoo Second XV side, already planning their mad Monday celebrations, or distracted by a pending telegram from Winston Peters. The Brumbies may as well have stayed home and played with themselves.

Fearless Prediction: Brumbies by 68.

Saturday 30 May 5:05 pm AEST – Chiefs v Blues at FMG Stadium Waikato, Hamilton Stan Sport

Regular Friday readers may have figured out by now, I don’t like the Blues. They are the Oirish of Super Rugby. Don’t like their professional cynicism (aka ‘cheating’), their gamesmanship (aka ‘cheating’), their constant whining to the ref (aka complaining about being pinged for cheating). They’re the rugby equivalent of a rat with a gold tooth, or a Pauline / Barnaby press conference. But perversely, I am excited for ‘Stern’ Vern Cotter to coach the Reds next year and install some steel to go with the sizzle. Go figure.

Fearless Prediction: Chiefs by 16.

Saturday 30 May 7:35 pm AEST – Western Force v NSW Waratahs at HBF Park, Perth, Stan Sport

This will be the rugby equivalent of getting to ‘second base’ with your grandmother, with the chance of maybe stealing ‘third’. And my Nan’s pretty hot when she’s up out of her wheelchair.

It’s the Tahs rejects already based over west, verse the future Tahs rejects who probably should head over west, in a battle for rugby mediocrity supremacy. Sure SATN will big it up with ‘lots to play for’ (there isn’t), and ‘Wallaby spots on the line’ (there aint: they’ve already been determined) and so they should. They have a product to sell, it’s not on them that the products so rancid that it could kill from 30 feet on stench alone.

I understand there are players coming off contract, there will also be players for whom this will be their last outing in their team colours, as they are already moving on next year. And sure, pride will also play a part in their performance. For the Tahs JAS is back so he can make his customary 2-3 metre gain over 80 minutes and then be gifted a totally unwarranted, unfounded and undeserved gold jersey. But can anyone on these pages honestly tell me they have changed their plans, cancelled dinner arrangements or alternatively have ‘ring fenced’ the necessary hours to sit down and watch this forthcoming steaming plate of rugby excrement, pollute your eyeballs and gnaw away at the fabric of your rugby soul? And if by some miracle it’s actually a good game, hell, even a great game: so farging what! It will only serve to remind and frustrate fans of both sides, of the chasm in good, but mostly poor rugby these two sides regularly dish out, and what the season might have been.

Fearless Prediction: Let me know when it’s over.

You heard it here first eventually!’

Trust a Pom?

Never. And nor should we apparently

Just as our Wallaroos were starting to show some semblance of improvement under former coach Jo Yapp, she scarpers back off to the lands of curry and poor bathing product sales for ‘family reasons’. Now here she is being officially announced as incoming coach for the Women’s FUKIRS for their 2027 tour of NZ.

Now if she had of just said: ‘Australia sucks, you can’t play rugby, it’s too hot, the flies drive me batty and I’m outta here’, I would have thought ‘fair enough’. She’s been honest and upfront and unlike so many former British ‘visitors’ she didn’t leave a lingering, foul pestilence hanging over our inhabitants. But: to have this surface as the real meaning of her exit stage right, is enough to nearly make me cheer for NZ when the tour begins. And to be clear, I did say ‘nearly’.

Das ist gut cuz

24yo German born Blues flanker, Anton Segner is widely being discussed as perhaps becoming the first German All Black selected since Heir Himmler was once considered, showing a nice goose step against the French in the 1930’s.

Segner, who has been bestowed the honorary Polynesian name of ‘the white guy over there’ (sounds better in Maori) has been ultra consistent this year and must be in wider conversations for AB squad conversations. But with the runaway success of Leicester Fijihasanuketoo at the Saders, and the proven ability of Du’Plessis Kirifi at the Canes, I can see Heir Wagner left out of the final squad when the dust settles.

But if history has taught us anything (and to be clear: it hasn’t) its that you should never write-off a German with ambition.

Penney for your thoughts.

Never one to be accused of any warmth, humour or goodwill in an interview, stuff.co.nz reports outgoing Saders coach Rob Penney has yet again delivered a wonderful press conference performance. The cause of his anger (this time), that the Crusaders organisation had the temerity to dare announce his replacement, before he had left. Never mind that in doing so it might aid in, oh I dunno, say something like: player retention and recruitment, fan engagement, stakeholder and commercial partner retention and renewal. But apart from that, those bastard corporate types had no right in upsetting Mr Penney and announcing the change. Poor diddums.

GOAT vote

I get that Anton Dupont is a pretty useful rugby player and probably ranks fair to middling on the scale of rugby deity’s, but GOAT? Gimme a break. Rumours abound that $2.4m per season French maestro might finally adorn these shores this year as France set sail after the claytons RWC title, the Nations Cup. The little guy missed tours ion NZ in 2018 & 2025 and then Aussie touring 2021, but might just finally make his way here in July so we can decide for ourselves. Until such times, unless GOAT stands for ‘Gets Outta Australian Tours’, well then yes, he is the GOAT. A frequent GOAT at that.

Until next week – ahh forget it.

Hoss – out.