Dr Ho Boon Tiong, the principal consultant educationist at educational training and consulting firm Classpoint Consulting, said that parents should stay calm and not act in anger when doing so.
“A guiding principle is to not discipline in anger … It can cause character assassination, impacting a child and tearing them down.”
He also said it is crucial that parents shape children in their formative years up to age seven, because that is when children absorb and learn how best to behave.
“Corporal punishment is not effective as children get older. All you do is inflict pain.
“That’s why it’s ideal that children are taught well from the get-go and are kept away from an environment where they fall into such behaviour,” Dr Ho added.
Everychild.sg, an advocacy group that champions the holistic well-being of children, told CNA TODAY that restorative practices and approaches to teaching children are ideal ways to discipline young ones.
It said that such an approach involves stopping negative behaviour by de-escalating the situation. This can be done using a steady tone and minimal words, as well as giving children space to settle before any discussion takes place.
After that, a parent should guide children through reflecting on what happened, how they felt and who was affected by their actions.
This should be followed by the children taking accountability for the situation such as repairing the damage done, whether to objects or other parties.
The final step is to then teach the children not to repeat such behaviour and what to do or how to act instead.
This could include teaching them skills such as emotional regulation, how to communicate better, deal with conflict or even coping with stress.
Psychologists such as Dr Chow said discipline strategies that do not involve physical punishment may seem ineffective, but it is often because they are “inconsistently applied, not developmentally appropriate or introduced only after situations have escalated emotionally”.
“Effective discipline often requires repetition, patience, emotional regulation from the adult and a strong relational foundation,” she explained.
“While children need to learn to respect parental authority, it is equally important for adults to foster an environment where the children feel respected, emotionally safe and understood.”
Growing up, Ms Jaslyn Ng was never caned. Similarly, her daughter, 14, has never felt the pain of the rod, either.
Her son, now 12, was caned before, but she stopped the punishment when he was about three years old. This was because she felt it was ineffective and only served to scare him.
Today, when either child misbehaves, they face a punishment arguably worse: Their already limited screentime is reduced or removed.
Alongside the punishment, the 42-year-old rationally explains to her children why their behaviour was wrong and what could have been done better.
“My daughter is going through puberty and she has had some challenges and conflicts with friends saying mean things,” Ms Ng said. “But she repeated something I always tell her: ‘What they say is on them. How I react is on me’.”
“It’s very validating to see my children grow up mature and in control of their emotions.”