Greetings shaggers and welcome to another instalment of Friday’s Rugby News. With the dust settled on another Australian season of SRP, we kickoff with a review in ‘As good as it gets?’. We dive head first into ‘Coup de Tah’. Then take a quick sojourn across the ditch for for a weekend preview in ‘SRP finals. Kiwis playing with Themselves. Again.’ Take a gander at round two of SRW with ‘Some improvement required’ before farewelling another week with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, recently volunteering to become Ben Stokes ‘sponsor’.

What if it’s where we belong?

As good as it gets?

Riddle me this: what if this year’s results are as good it gets for Australian Super Rugby fans? What if this is our lot? Brave battlers, the occasional upset win but, when push comes to counter ruck, what if our lot simply aren’t good enough?

Even RA big cheese Phil ‘The Badger’ Waugh told reporters that despite early season optimism, the form of our sides fell away badly and ultimately to miss out on hosting a final was ‘disappointing’. Even going on to say: “We’re certainly not happy with where our team performances were at, and on the back of the team performances ultimately that leads to fan engagement, and excitement within the stadium.” The Badger also went on to say that the expectations for our ‘golden period’ of rugby was for Australian teams to win SRP ‘at least twice between 2025-2029’.

So using the specially calibrated ‘Hossometer, just what ‘grade’ do our sides deserve for this year’s SRP season:

Brumbies – season score on the Hossometer ‘D’

To the naked eye, the Brumbies have had a quantum regression. They seem to have completely lost their rugby DNA.

Rolling maul monster? Not so much, in fact they could barely win their own lineout ball in the later stage of the season

Set piece strength? Yeah, nah. Father time looks to have caught up with Jimmy Slips both at set piece and around the ground. And fair enough, too, with 1000-odd Tests and SRP games I’d be a tad knackered as well. 7As is no longer the rock at tighthead. Cadeyrn Neville turned 63 towards the end of the year. Charlie Cale is held together with velcro and some band aids. Sideshow Bob looks to be a horse flogged too many times during the season and in need of a spell. And Elsa Frost ain’t a shadow of his 2025 version.

Brains and beauty in the backs? Well, not really. Ryan Lonergan tried too hard, maybe because those outside him were ‘less than adequate’. Declan Meredith was being touted as a bolter for gold early doors, until someone decided to send him to the Bernard Foley School for #10s halfway through the year and then he was just farging horrible. As for the rest, Tom Wright showed glimpses of his best, but not enough yet to unseat Jock Campbell from gold #15. Corey Toole is fast and a turn style in defence. Their centres were ok, like no name wheat bix are ok, but not really. Andy Muirhead was either really good or really bad and the bench was ‘meh’.

While I acknowledge it’s too easy to read into things, the 2026 Brumbies season for me was best summed up against Super Rugby dodos, Moana Pasifika. Win and the Ponies got a home final and a likely second chance. Lose and they went into the ‘Kiwi lottery’ where you are always going to get reamed, you just don’t know who by. Yet, the Brumbies were insipid and flaccid. The most spineless, pathetic and embarrassing effort and performance I can recall a Brumbies side ever producing. All involved should be ashamed, especially with the stakes so high. But no doubt they’ll review its brains out and next year will try really-really hard.

Which makes one perhaps wonder about what happened down south this year?

The Reds: ‘B-‘

Hmmmm, perhaps the history books will one day point to these Reds as the great underachievers of Australian rugby over the past 3-5 years. Talent across the paddock, size in the forwards, sparkle in the halves and skill and speed in the backs. And yet: nada to show for it at all.

Perhaps the Reds are to Australia what the French once were to rugby. On their day, breathtaking, sparling and superb. But, too often losing the easy games and shooting themselves in the foot, yet again.

The only consistency from the Reds this year was the fact they would consistently ‘shut down” for periods during a game, often when the game was then lost. Well that and a lineout that couldn’t hit water if it fell out of a boat during a fishing trip in the Pacific. Raid after raid, chance after chance, game after game, the Reds lineout sucked. Sure, it got markedly better when Canham returned, but a team that relies on only one player for continued lineout success, well that’s a team that ain’t ever gonna win a SRP crown.

Coaching: this is a tough one, cause I’m a fan of Wendy Matthews. However, if you’re only as good as you record says you are, well, his tenure at the Reds was rather underwhelming.

Just what Stern Vern Cotter has in his bag of tricks for next year remains to be seen. The Reds are not the Blues, they do need some starch in the tight five. LSL was close to my Australian SRP of the year, but he can’t do the tough stuff all on his own. Methinks there’ll be some interesting recruitment in the low numbers for next year.

Watch this space.

The Force: ‘C-‘

Actually hard to grade the Force for 2026. In many respects, they finished the year possibly as the in-form Australian side. They certainly improved on 2025, yet history will show another ‘no show’ in finals footy.

The Force seem to have finally discovered who they are and for me, that’s because of the stellar form of their #9 Henry Robertson. So much so that I had him in my Wallaby squad until injury cruelled his season and perhaps that of the Force as well.

With Robertson’s electric speed to breakdown, his beautiful (and long) passing game, his sniping around the rucks, it gave Ben Donno more space and time, and it’s no coincidence that I think Chopper had his best SRP season as well. His running game was first class, his distribution outstanding and his ability to put support players into gaps was excellent. I still have him as my starting #10, Although I accept with the return from injury of Tate the allure of Flash at starting #10 makes sense.

The Force have a mobile and abrasive loosie trio, they have a wonderful locking combo in Jezza Williams and Lurch Swain (who is now moving OS) and a solid and serviceable front row.

If you graded the Force purely on their growth on 2025 to 2026 progression, I could quiet easily see them getting a ‘B’. I look forward to what 2027 looks like for them.

Concerned fans, or the great hairy unwashed.

Coup de Tah.

No, I didn’t forget the Tahs, their season review deserves an article of its own and a special reservation at ‘This team blows chunks’ Bistro. Australia’s largest rugby sporting market, Australia’s biggest playing pool, Australia’s most disappointing sporting side in any code (well apart from the Matildas who are completely shite but get an armchair ride), Gaggers, I present to you the NSW Waratahs where it appears being completely mediocre is a completely acceptable result.

Not since 2018 have the Waratahs made the semi-finals of a combined SR competition. By my maths, that’s now 11 years since they’ve been at the acceptable pointy end of Super Rugby. The excuses have been trotted out since 2015. It’s the coaches, the corporation, the finances, the players, it’s injuries, the ref, the sponsors, the stadium. It’s that ‘progress isn’t linear’ (yeah well it shouldn’t be fugging regressive either). It’s a litany of excuses and it’s simply loser talk for ‘not good enough’.

From pre-season team fights foreboding as a great symbol of ‘competition for places’. Or dedicated articles reporting Greco-Roman wrestling techniques as being some type of mystical power that would yield golden rugby days ahead. To another season’s hopes left mangled and simpering in the dirt. So much for the rugby caviar we were promised, instead we were served fish shit, with helpings of extra salt to make it taste more palatable.

And the bloodletting has already commenced. Mike ‘Catt with no lives’ has been shown the exit door and good riddance. I’d complain about the attack, if only there was some. Two years on and the only decipherable tactic I could see was to box kick 37 times a match and hope you got it back once or twice, so you could ultimately do nothing with it, concede a penalty and points, so you get get back downfield and box kick it again. Yay.

Following the Catt out the door is Jack Debreczeni (retired) and Lawson Creighton (going OS) and no doubt more announcements are to be made. As yet Jack Grant is without a contract, but that doesn’t matter, because one Spanners Foley is ‘reportedly’ set to come back, so he can ‘mentor’ the young Tahs #10s. Now just what young Tahs #10s there are isn’t exactly clear as they’ve either already left or are currently uncontracted. There’s been some talk about HMP moving from the Reds to the Tahs, but those whispers have seemingly dried up as the Tahs season went from bad to staggeringly bad to ‘who are these muppetts, do you reckon they’ve played rugby before?’.

On top of that The Bovine Sprinkler, Mr Nick Phipps is rumoured to be coming back as well. At least I can see the sense in that as back-up to Teddy Wilson, given Commissioner Gordon seems out of action for an extended period.

All in all the Tahs were nothing short of disgraceful. Toothless up front, rudderless in the halves and generally clueless out wide, with the occasionally piece of individual brilliance to wake fans from their coma. But it wasn’t enough.

Noting short of a complete Coup de Tah is required to get the NSW team and the organisation anywhere near a semi-final next year. It will require the collective to step completely outside their comfort zones. They need to burn the play book, forget what they know. They need to stop with wankfest like wrestling training and perhaps spend time on stuff like, run, pass, kick, catch, support, rinse and repeat. They need to invest in youth and stick to it. They need to be completely unWaratah like, otherwise it will simply be another year like the last 11. A complete rugby Clustah F**k!

‘I’ve got a wee but of time before the rugby. May as well treat myself.’

SRP finals: Kiwis playing with themselves. Again.

Friday, 12 June 5:05 pm AEST – Chiefs v Crusaders at FMG Stadium Waikato, Hamilton, on Stan Sport

The poor old Chiefs. They must get the rugby yips when it comes to this time every year. They’re a terrific side, sometimes outright favourites to win the whole box and dice. And then, the Crusaders await and it’s goodnight nurse.

The Chiefs have played in eight finals series without running into the Crusaders (2004/09/14/15/16/18/18 & 24), with some success. They’ve played the Cru in the finals of 2012/13/17/21/22/23 & 25 for two wins and five losses, sadly in the last five of those encounters. The Chiefs can tell themselves trends have to end, but I’ve been telling myself that every Bledisloe year since 2002.

Once things for sure, neither side will leave anything in the tank for this one. Without a horse in the game I can’t wait to watch this game, it’ll be the sort of rugby that only serves to show just how much of a quantum leap NZ rugby sides are against our own.

Fearless Prediction: All things must come to pass. Chiefs by 2.

Saturday, 13 June 5:05 pm AEST – Hurricanes v Blues at Hnry Stadium, Wellington, on Stan Sport

The Blues are the great imposters of 2026. They’ll huff and they’ll puff but the Hurricanes will blow their house down.

Fearless Prediction: Canes by 38.

Man that’s an ugly trophy. (Getty images)

Some improvement required.

Maybe I was just spoilt by watching our golden girls of 7s tear it up in Spain last week. Scintillating attack, Madi Levy running 60m back in D to save a certain Kiwi try and a few seconds later, running 60m to score the match defining try and all of this with a busted knee. And then I watched round #1 of SRW and even allowing for it being round #1, was left underwhelmed. Underwhelmed with player fitness, skill execution and the spectacle as a whole. As one of the Stan commentators pointed out, SRW is a sprint and teams can’t afford to ‘build’ into the competition.

Saturday, June 13 12:05 pm AEST – Fijiana Drua v Western Force at Churchill Park, Lautoka, on Stan Sport

The Force have their first hit-out for the year after having a bye last week and make the tough road trip to Lautoka. The Drua got rolled by the Tahs first up with the scoreboard flattering the Fijians.

To their credit, the Force have a fair rugby programme developing over in BFI and when they’re not busy giving over fistfuls of cash to the Pauline’s ‘Piss Off Immigrants, that’s my only policy’ Party, they’re quietly developing a Brumbies-like rugby program, only with their teams improving. Isn’t that refreshing.

Fearless Prediction: Force by 16

Sunday, June 14 2:05 pm AEST – ACT Brumbies v NSW Waratahs at Viking Park, Canberra, on Stan Sport

The Brumbies got their first win in SRW last week, since records have been kept (2011 I think), when they beat the Reds in a low scoring snooze-fest at the QPRQ ‘spiritual home’ of Caxton Street pubs or Fortitude Valley drug haunts, somewhere around there anyway. The Brumbies kicked a penalty right on the siren to snatch victory and break the monotony of what really was drab rugby.

Fearless Prediction: I hope the Brumbies celebrated their win, because it’s the Tahs by 45 in this one.

You heard it here first eventually!’

Friday’s Goss with Hoss.

Kiddies corner.

U20s coach Chris Whitaker has assembled a fairly useful squad for the upcoming WC in late June. Gooba Williamson has all the details at pravda.com.au

The Nic White of props

The SMH reports that Jimmy Slips will be pulled from international retirement next week when he’ll be announced in the Wallaby squad, due to a large amount of injuries across our stock of fatties. Many will recall The Lip retired 14 times during last year’s FUKIRs tour and Big Sexy looks like following his lead. But in some good news Angus ‘The Bull’ Bell is back in Oz after his Contiki tour of Oirish Pubs and occasional park rugby matches.

Times are a changing.

Black Ferns and women’s rugby legend Portia Woodman-Wickliffe has been named as one of the most influential sporting icons on the planet, by no less than Time Magazine. And there was some fair to middling company as well. LeBron James from the Nike movie, Italian tennis player and pharmacist enthusiast, Jannik Sinner, as well as some others I’ve never heard of. PWW has a fair rugby resume: Kiwi all time leading try scorer (men’s or women’s). Two Olympic gold medals. Twice women’s international player of the year. And 2 x RWC winners medals. To be honest, I’d much rather have a whisky with PWW than most of those numpties on the list.

And we will never, well, not always, only sometimes, surrender.

RA big dog and Melbourne Rebel hater, Phil ‘The Badger’ Waugh, reckons the Frogs are actually going to send a full strength team down under this year to the Nations Cup. And, while that might technically be true, I reckon they might surrender against us by offering up a B side while saving their best for the Kiwi match and not so much against our lot.

The Gagger Craparazzi was in attendance in 2021 when the French C side took on the Wallabies at Suncorp, a match made famous when The Exocet, Marika Koroibete was marched for a ‘high shot’ on Frog captain and synchronised diver, Anthony Jelonch (a red card subsequently overturned in the days after).

St Joe not to go.

Once again proving his personal integrity, St Joe has vowed to coach no other international side in 2027, instead staying on to support the Australia A coaching set up headed by Bernie Larkham and assisted by Simon Cron. This is a terrific transition and proves consistency and a greater understanding to players and aspiring coaches and establishes a great pathway for all involved.