Dear diary, if you’re reading this, I am dead. Brain dead that is, from having touched down in the lands of the Coinslander!

Greetings from the great northern banjo capital of the world Gaggers, as I have ventured north in search of an improbable, but highly desirable Wallaby victory. Plenty to cover off today, so let’s hook in. First up we have ‘Yay: We Lost Again!’ Jump into team selections and dissections with ‘Like a Virgin.’ Check out what else is happening in other games with ‘Is more: Is good!’ Dig dep into the need for belonging in ‘Diary of a Pretend Archer’. Before putting the cherry on top on a bumper rugby week with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, informing you, its your shout if I run into you at Suncorp.

‘But we lost?’

Yay: We Lost Again!

Rarely has a defeat, snatched from the jaws of victory by more fumbles, bumbles and stumbles, by those in gold, been celebrated so riotously across our rugby lands. Indeed I am a touch surprised that a ticker-tape parade has not been hastily put together in order to celebrate the wonderful loss our Wallabies have suffered: again. And not just any loss, but the 11th loss in the last 16 tests played. A record breaking 6th straight loss to the same opponent. So its well done Wallabies, I guess?

Sure it was an improved performance by all in gold, actually, it was a vastly improved performance. But riddle me this G&GR’s, would the NZ public be happy with a ‘noble loss’? I get Kiwi’s celebrate in the streets when the percentage of human fecal matter in their drinking water drops below 40%. But there’s two things you’ll never hear them say:

‘That sheep’s too ugly for me’

‘I am happy with that loss by the All Blacks’

Would the South Africans walk from the field knowing they may have lost, but ‘gee, we improved a lot!’ Rassie would do things to them that the Christian Brother could only (and often do) dream about.

I am not dismissing that the test against the Oirish was not a better performance by our lot, than what’s come previously. I am not dismissing that there were certainly elements of play that were clever and highly skilled. I am however, dismissing entirely the notion that we should accept yet another loss as somehow acceptable and tolerable. There can be no more tolerance for ‘rebuilds’ or ‘resets’. Winning well and winning often can be the only acceptable metric.

Let’s not celebrate mediocrity, that’s what the Commonwealth Games are for. The Wallabies lost again. And that folks, just aint good enough.

One prick and it’s all over

Like a Virgin.

Saturday 11th July: Australia v France, Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane 5.00pm coverage: kick off 5.40 AEST. On Stan

The injury god’s have struck our Wallabies yet again. All of Carter Gordon (calf), Ben Donaldson (calf), Tom Hooper (shoulder) are out the Wallaby side for the Suncorp Test, meaning test virgins, Declan Meredith gets the start at #10, and Harry Two-Dads earns a spot on the pine. And all this up against a French side who played sumptuous rugby and were a tad unlucky not to beat NZ, in NZ last week. Talk about a baptism of le fire for the Wallaby pair.

The sides have been named, with St Joe making two changes to the starting XV. Tom Wright is back at #15, with Meredith the other change. I like young Meredith, he reminds me a fraction of a young Bernie Larkham. Good kick, good runner of the ball, plays about 15kgs heavier than his frame suggests and seems composed. Add in that he partners the excellent Lonners at #9 and there is a degree of understanding and combination.

Speaking of one R.Lonergan, one of the highlights of last week (for mine) was the combination of both Lonners & Flash Gordon. With the speed of Loners to ruck, his clearance of same and the width and accuracy of his pass onto Gordon, who similarly gave the ball width and thus his outside supports, time and space. It’s no coincidence our lot scored tries wide and looked dangerous in those channels.

The other changes for our golden boys are on the pine, and sees Nick ‘The Brick’ de Crespiny replace Mungo Hooper, and deservedly Filipo ‘Daggers’ Daugunu gets the #23 jersey.

The Frogs have made seven (‘le seven’ in French) changes to the starting side from those who ran out against The Darkness, including moving the guy with the best name in rugby, Matthieu Jalibert, to #15, to make way for the returning Romain Ntamack. Nathan ‘Needy’ (can we catch up after the test Hoss, can I get a photo, can we hang out please’) Williamson, over at ‘no one reads my stuff anyway.com’ says: five of the seven players brought into the team featured in the Top 14 final between Toulouse and Montpellier late last month.’ So not exactly shabby cattle.

One interesting aside, le Frogs have three Aussie born players in their starting XV, former Brumby and Waratah Tom Staniforth, Coinsland raised Manny Meafou and Moses Alo-Emile. The French side also contains nearly 5 players actually born in France. So that’s nice.

Fearless Prediction: With no conviction whatsoever, its the Wallabies by 8.

WALLABIES (15-1): Tom Wright; Max Jorgensen, Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii, Len Ikitau, Dylan Pietsch; Declan Meredith, Ryan Lonergan; Harry Wilson (capt), Fraser McReight, Rob Valetini; Jeremy Williams, Josh Canham; Allan Alaalatoa, Josh Nasser, Angus Bell

Replacements: Brandon Paenga-Amosa, James Slipper, Taniela Tupou, Lachlan Shaw, Nick Champion de Crespigny, Tate McDermott, Jock Campbell, Filipo Daugunu

FRANCE (15-1): Matthieu Jalibert; Theo Attissogbe, Fabien Brau-Boirie, Yoram Moefana, Aaron Grandidier-Nkanang; Romain Ntamack, Maxime Lucu (capt); Marko Gazzotti, Oscar Jegou, Lenni Nouchi; Emmanuel Meafou, Florian Verhaeghe; Demba Bamba, Peato Mauvaka, Moses Alo-Emile

Replacements: Maxime Lamothe, Jefferson Poirot, Tevita Tatafu, Hugo Auradou, Tom Staniforth, Killian Tixeront, Nolann Le Garrec, Kalvin Gourgues

Match Officials: Referee: Karl Dickson (RFU) Assistant Referee 1: Christophe Ridley (RFU) Assistant Referee 2: Katsuki Furuse (JRFU) TMO: Andrew Jackson (RFU) FPRO: Glenn Newman (NZR)

Best served hot.

Is more: Is good.

Apart from our own golden warriors, there’s p-l-e-n-t-y of rugby to choose from this weekend:

Nations Championship.

Saturday 11th July – all times AEST and all on Stan.

New Zealand v Italy, Hnry Stadium, Wellington – kick off 3:10 pm.

Fearless Prediction: Kiwis by 35.

Japan v Ireland, McDonald Jones Stadium, Newcastle – kickoff 8:10 pm.

Fearless Prediction: Ireland by 28

Fiji v England, Hill Dickinson Stadium, Liverpool kick off 11:10 pm

Fearless prediction: Anyone but England, by 12.

Sunday 12th July

South Africa v Scotland, Loftus Versfeld, Pretoria kick off 1:40 am

Fearless Prediction: Bok by 17

Argentina v Wales, Estadio Bicentenario, San Juan kick off 5:10 am

Fearless Prediction: Los Pumas by 19.

Nations Cup

Not to be forgotten, it’s also round 2 of the Nations Cup. All on Sunday 12th July, times are AEST, with coverage on Stan

Uruguay v Romania 2.55am

Samoa v Georgia 4.50am

Tonga v Spain 7.35am

Chile v Hong Kong China 7.50am

USA v Zimbabwe 920am.

‘Don’t worry about the game plans. We need to practise this!’

Diary of a Pretend Archer.

So what’s with all the metaphorical arrows being slung after any sporting moments of note at present? Has there been an international sports directive? Is it ‘trending’? Is there a rush to show that you are like the thousands other tossers who think they’re the only ones doing it? Is it to prove you cannot have an original thought of your own? Instead of perhaps thanking those who set you up to finish a move, that saw you breathtakingly catch a ball, run five metres and fall over a line? Are you that desperate, that completely insecure that the best and only celebration you have is to mimic thousands of other athletes all doing the same thing? Is it a contest to be King of the sheep? If so beware of first prize in NZ.

But rather than rail against it, what if we all decided to use ‘the arrow’ in aspects of our daily lives for a week, just to see how it ‘trended’! Imagine getting the dream park in front of the shops. You bounce outta the car and sling one towards the heavens. All perfectly normal right! No doubt passers by would stop and gaze in wonder at the sheer audacity of your uniqueness. Or what if your kids get an award at the school sports presentation: you stand on your chair, scream out, what I presume is an American Indian war cry, and fire one off in the direction of the P&C members! How cool, how ‘on trend’, how amazing you are. Surely other parents would compare their partners and mutter ‘why aren’t you more like them?’ Although, what if, at your monthly meeting of Drug Addicts Anonymous, you accidentally fired a shot off, that ol’ Terrence ‘the tweaker’ Trviathen, who is still coming down from a 3 day bender, thinks it’s real and dives head long into the emergency Quaalude dispenser, thus setting off a stampede towards the recently emancipated glistening goodies of the Scouts Hall floor. Best leave the quiver at home for that one next time I reckon.

Who would’ve thought of the sheer utopia of pretending to carry a non-existent quiver on your back, to reach in and draw out a handful of absolute nothing. To then slide it onto a bow that doesn’t exist. Slowly draw the emptiness back and then, let loose the pretend arrow of destiny.

But why stop there? Why not pretend to have an M16? A rocket launcher or a grenade? Why a bow and arrow: how bloody analogue! Better still, why not a ballistic missile, or explosive laden drone, perhaps a landmine. I think we might be onto something here!

But for now, let’s just all sit back and enjoy yet another athlete, do yet another bow and arrow routine. As they all seek entry into the not so exclusive, ‘Society of the Bro, Brew, Bra, or Bruv’. Where the only price of admission, is a public display of looking like a complete and utter twat. You know, just like the rest of them. Bro.

You heard it here first eventually!’

Friday’s Goss with Hoss.

Yeah, I was shite.

Always known for wearing his heart on his sleeve, big Nella Tupou has given a frank assessment of his performance before he knicked off to the lands of snooty coffee and German-phobic peoples, telling rugby.com.au: “Since I left the Reds, I went to Melbourne thinking things were just going to work out for me, and the honest truth is I wasn’t performing with the Rebels. I went from there to the ‘Tahs to try new things and again, it didn’t work for me.

The big man went on to talk about the differences up there and how he is one of the ‘smaller guys’ up north and adapting his game and technique accordingly. Now 30 and about to enter his propping prime, I am glad to here the Abattoir is both happy in himself, whilst looking to make the most of his time in gold.

Red Dawn.

Once again the Reds have been gifted another lock/second rower by RA with news that Tom ‘Mungo’ Hooper will be a red upon his return to Oz, and Super Rugby in 2029, when he finishes up in Ol’ Blighty. The same reds side with more #10’s than Hugh Hefner, now has another lock / loosie to go with the likes of: Canham, LSL, Dirty Harry, Beaver McReight, Uru, Brial, and on and on it goes.

And people tell me RA favours NSW. Sure they do.

Fair Enough.

Some retired All Black plodder, Conrad Smith, has a new role with the NZR, being appointed Head of High Performance for the men’s game. Connie will work closely with Kiwi SR sides, as well as provincial unions. Having played 94 years and for spits and giggles, being a barrister in his spare time, you’d imagine he’s pretty well placed to know a thing or two, about a thing or two when it comes to what it takes to succeed at rugby.

Just shut uppiya face.

It didn’t escape my attention last week during the try/no try of Ireland for the clear and obvious rolling maul obstruction by James Ryan on Sideshow Bob, that a certain Italian assistant referee (famous for fisting the Wallabies in a certain second FUKIR’s test in Melbourne last year), chirped in with an observation no one else saw.

I don’t know what it is about referee’s from pissy little European back-waters and Wallaby tests held in Melbourne? What is their overwhelming need to completely impact the result with completely incorrect decisions! But here was Andrea Piardi trying to be BOK whisperer. It should be said he supported the overturning of the try, but, he instead wanted a penalty against the Wallabies for an earlier infringement in the same maul. BOK, having a gutful of yappy I-ties, essentially said (and I paraphrase): ‘ ‘we’ve dealt with that, we’re dealing with this’. However, in audio made available to your intrepid Friday correspondent, BOK also went on to say: ‘Lusten shut fir brains, you fukked these guys ova wunce ulriddy, aint gunna heppen a siccond time, not on my watch’

The ANZAC spirit is alive and well Gaggers.

Best of the rest.

After losing narrowly to France, our U20’s side will appear in the fifth place semi-final against Wales. So basically a glorified training run then! Stan has all the coverage 2:20am AEST 13 July 2026

Blogathon

A reminder that live blog articles are available for all Nations Championship games this weekend and thank you to those who partook last week. There was some great analysis, insight and banter from all involved.

Fantasy time.

Not to late to join our exclusive G&GR NC Fantasy League competition, with not a lot separating our top #9. You can get all the joining instructions here.

Until next week, might see you at Suncorp.

Hoss – out

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