G’day punters, you’re stuck with me again today and I with you. Bris is back from a Malcolm Roberts wellness camp and non compos mentis, talking some gibberish about being a ‘sentient being’, and that the NSW Boy Scouts assassinated JFK, and I thought it best keep him away from the keyboard for a while. So welcome to the 12 items or less, Monday Rugby News.

‘Mmmm demmm jeboogy nine benooty’

A little less conversation: a little more action.

Is it just me, or have international referees morphed into on-field coaching consultants with a whistle? I think all players, coaches, fans and stakeholders want ‘good comms’ from the MO’s, that’s a given. But over the weekend something seemed to have changed, and the two biggest offenders in my opinion, were the Oz duo of Gus & Bez.

On many occasions there was coaching instructions: ‘don’t do that’; ‘you can’t be there’; ‘leave it 7’, and on one strange occasion even; ‘the next time you do that, I’ll penalise you’. Well excuse me sir, if it’s a ‘penalty next time’, why isn’t it a penalty this time?

We all want fast flowing rugby. We all want more ball in play rugby, no arguments there. But, if you’ve met the captains and coaches beforehand, make your expectations clear for what you are after, and once the whistle blows they then ignore those instructions, then penalise them off the park. They’ll soon get the message, but for the love of imaginary sky dwelling beings, enough of the constant, incessant, instructional chatter please. If I wanted more of that, I’d buy Mrs Hoss a whistle.

New Zealand 40 v Ireland 21

Three things we learnt:

The Kiwis are improving and fast. Judas Rennie has the Nearlies on the rise. Their tempo is up in attack and they are connected in defence. Can’t wait for the Saffa tour.

Have Jordan, will score. Another test, another try. He is a rugby poacher. One bad pass, one half chance and it will cost you a certain 5 points. Having played 56 tests and now scored 50 tries you just gotta be on high alert.

Jamieson-Park is human after all. In a rare off night for GJP, many of his passes either missed their target or simply bounced before they got to them. After a long season yielding not much, maybe the thought of a holiday had crept into the usually sublime Oirish general.

Japan 12 v France 42.

Three things we learnt:

The French do have some decency. After a long year and another title the French showed respect in both travelling to Japan and picking their best available side

Japan has bravery, flare and speed in buckets and they have perhaps the worlds best lock as captain, but what they don’t have is size. They are capable of rapid breakouts and ambush skirmishes, but when it’s time for a rolling maul or a scrum, they just can’t compete with the sheer size of opposition packs.

The French will only get better. With the likes of Dupont, Ramos and Bielle-Biarrey to rejoin the squad for the NH leg of the NC, I reckon it’s fair to say the Frogs will be #1 in their pool. It’s just whether its the Saffas or the Darkness who will face them. Bring ot on.

Australia 57 v Italy 10.

Three things we learnt:

The Wallabies looked far more efficient and focused on their own breakdown. There was more purpose, more sting in the carry and more discipline from cleaners. Thus producing quicker and cleaner ball. The second half fade out was still there, but this time it wasn’t terminal. The team kept hammering away and if anything, the 47 point gap flattered the Italians. It was a fitting send off to both Joe & Laurie.

This was a pale imitation of the Italian side. Nine changes by the side in blue. Their coach ordering room service and watching the game from the team motel and a number of superstars who missed the tour altogether. We didn’t see anything like the best of the Italian side and I quiet enjoyed the honesty of their skipper Lamborghini Macaroni after the game when he basically said: ‘yep, we sucked’

Miles Amatosero needs to rid himself of the dumb penalty. Making his Wallaby debut the big unit must have thought he spotted Angus Scott-Young on the Italian bench in the second half, when a good ol’ fashioned brew-hahah broke out and it was handbags at 10 paces stuff. Trainers, reserves, the water boy, you name it, they were involved in the melee. All started by an after the penalty niggle from our debutant. And in a first for this correspondent, it eventually saw an Italian reserve (who’d already come from the field) red carded for his involvement. But if I may, Miles lean in a little: just let your on field efforts do the talking and leave the other stuff alone. Deeds over words mate. Deeds over words.

Fiji 17. Scotland 33.

Three things we learnt:

You make 14 changes to you team at your own peril. Scottish coach Ronald McDonald made mass changes to his XXIII to face the Fijian home side (fact!) at Murrayfield and it nearly bit them. Down 17-7 at halftime, and that scoreboard actually flattered a Scotland with Fiji scoring 3 tries to 1, but with the Fijian kicker missing two very kickable conversions. The Fijians even scored a try with one of their own in the bin.

The Fijians are a different animal when they can pick their strongest team. Something denied them in the early rounds by some French clubs and Fiji’s French based players. They can go toe-to-toe with most nations when they’re allowed to be competitive.

The Scots might be the wee quiet achievers of world rugby at present and sit second on the NH ladder and travelling well. Two tries from replacement Scottish half Donnie and no further points after halftime from Fiji helped avoid Scottish blushes, but ahead of Ireland and England, you dismiss the Scots at your own peril.

South Africa 43 – Wales 0.

Three things we learnt:

Wales are poo. The Guinness 6 Nations committee should get onto the phone to Georgia immediately. Despite going scorels for the second time in a row against the Boks, somehow Welsh coach Stev Tandy found this result and showing, ‘an improvement’ on previous efforts. Rigggggght.

South Africa have an embarrassment of rugby riches. Coach Jaco Johan made 38 changes to his starting XXIII and still enforced a second shut-out in a row on the hapless Welsh side, with a 7 try to 0 (obviously) thumping. Is also the manner of their play. Massive humans with big engines and silky skills, combined with electric backs with sparking feet and speed to spare. Oh, and did I mention they have more depth than the Mariana Trench? It would seem a World Cup three-peat is theirs to lose.

The Boks will only get better. With the cobwebs blown now blown out by the NC, the Saffa’s are off to Argentina for a one off test on August 8th, as part of their build up to the Greatest Rivalry Tour. Whatever you think you saw from the reigning world champs, dial it up 240% for what they will roll out against the Kiwis. I think we could be about to witness the greatest month of rugby test matches ever played between two nations. Yep: EVER!

Argentina 24 – England 31.

Three things we learnt:

These two nations just do not like each other at all. I hate it when England win anything against anybody. Well maybe with the exception of WWII, I can live with that one, but these two could push and shove over a stamp collection. From ‘hand of god’ soccer goals, to the Falklands, to Beckham, to Rugby, this lot just absolutely despise the other.

The first team to play rugby will likely win. The game had lots of niggle and saw 7, yes 7, yellow cards issued, including one for a penalty try to the Argies for yet another English deliberate knockdown. At various times both sides had multiple players in the bin, yet neither could muster the focus to ice the game. Instead both sides looked intent on the niggle and not the play.

Aussie TMO Brett Cronan may not travel back to Argentina. Whisper has it he is leaving Argentina travelling under an assumed name. In the 82nd minute Argentina looked to have scored out wide to close to 29-31 with a conversions to come, with Gus Gardner critically, ruling an on-field try. For what seemed like 20 minutes the TMO looked at 92 different replays and eventually found a no try in it all. Was it a clear and obvious no try, (enough to overturn the on-field decision) though? Well from Cronan it was, for everybody else (myself included) it was ‘huh’! At the very least there should have been a penalty to Argentina for a high tackle in the seconds before the try/no try anyway. The game ended with Los Pumas players getting all up in the grille of the MO’s and credit to the Pumas trainer who intervened and tried to keep the players at bay and the MO’s safe. The unsavoury ending matched the spirit of the game: nasty, spiteful and ill tempered by both sides. However, aggressively approaching an MO is simply not on and I’d expect more disciplinary action to follow for those players who participated in the soccer inspired behaviour. WR must stamp that right out and quick-smart.

Stop the clock! We are winning just on bonus points.

Great Concept.

With the NC now finished it’s ‘Southern Tour’, the competition breaks now until November, when all teams turn their eye northwards, culminating in the finals being played late November. For mine the NC has already proven a resounding success. The quality of play has been outstanding, full houses wherever you look, drama, intrigue, pace, skill and excitement. I think it’s also very equitable, in that the NH sides come here at the backend of their seasons, perhaps some with weary legs. Equally the SH sides will return the favour when November rolls around, also at the end of our seasons. I love that all games have meaning. I love that it lends itself to tribalism within tribalism. Of course we all want our own team to win, but failing that, we want our hemisphere to win.

As rugby fans we go from this to the Greatest Rivalry Tour, the RC, the Bledisloe, the Northern NC tour, the 6N, the ANZAC Bledisloe, and then our own RWC. And all this on top of a Lions Tour last year. I genuinely don’t know if there’s ever been a better time to be a rugby fan!

Until Friday

Hoss – out.

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