Good evening, good morning, salutations and g’day and welcome to another Friday’s Rugby News. World Rugby really must reconsider their calendar and these ‘fallow’ test weeks. I didn’t realise just how annoying my family are when there’s no rugby to distract me.
We kick off today with an insight into Wallaby life under Les Kiss with ‘Come Again?’ Take a trip down memory lane in ‘It’s Cheik: mate.‘ Keep up with the latest chapter in the life and times of with the former St Joe with ‘Pluck of the Oirish’. Preview the women’s SR final in ‘To boldly go.’ Go on spending spree across the Pacific with ‘Comrade Albo’s Rugby Cash Splash’. Before putting the cork in another rugby week with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss‘: wondering if any Aussie won’t win a medal in Glasgow?
”Do you know what nemesis means boys?’ Les does his first Wallaby meet & greet.
Come Again?
Hmmm, yeah, nah.
I read an article from Pravda this week, quoting the esteemed 7A’s as part of the wider Wallabies leadership group, about life under Joe and the leadership groups expectations under incoming swear jar filler, Wendy Matthews. I gots ta tell ya gaggers, the comments by 7A’s got my hackles up a wee bit, and I found I was instantly channelling my inner Brick Top and I said out loud: ‘come again?
The quote went something like: “I think it’s for us as leaders to be aligned with his messaging, but also to understand that there’s been a strong foundation that’s been built over the course of two years under Joe and understanding that there’s some really good parts of that game that we want to continue to grow and we don’t want to remove as a whole. There are little shifts that he wants to add, which he will do over time, so that’s exciting.”
7A’s further went on to say: “Our goal as a playing group is to play consistently well, and we thought we did that over the course of July, but we look back, and we just know that we probably need to do that over the course of 80 minutes if we’re going to take anything out of that series.”
If the Wallabies leadership group might pardon me for a minute, how bout you STFU and do what the new coach says and if don’t like it, you can bugger off. I mean: ‘our goal is to play consistently well?’ WTAF!
My research shows that under the coach formerly known as St Joe, for near 37% of the time they were 100% consistent. For the other 62+change% they were 100% bollocks. And this next quote was a doozy and just made me feel all warm and gooey inside: ‘we probably‘ need to play well for 80 minutes? Hold the phone Gaggers, rugby’s tightly held secret has been cracked! We have solved the Da Vinci code of rugby and sweet glory awaits! The Wallabies probably just need to play well for 80 minutes. It’s so obvious, I can’t believe none of you plonkers on here thought of it before. What were we thinking!
Of course I am being a touch facetious here, but humour me for a moment. On what planet, where you perform your core employment duties well 37% of the time, does it somehow empower you to tell your new employer, just what you will and will not accept under their new tenure? It beggars belief.
Maybe Wendy should also channel his inner Brick Top and take the ‘leadership team’ aside for a word and some new goal setting parameters: ‘Listen boys (tell me you’re not monologing an internal Brick Top right now), in the quiet words of the Virgin Mary, we’re going to win well, and we’re going to win often. Do that or I’ll cut ya farging Jacob’s off. Now be a good lad, and fetch me a cuppa tea’
No other moves left.
It’s Cheik: mate.
Another day another whisper and another article purporting that the most successful provincial coach in the world could be returning to oversee the NSW Waratahs, one M Cheika. I’ve rabbited on about it for ages now, so not really much to say except that it’s an absolute no-brainer. And without naming names (G&GR back channels are a sacred bastion for confidential and robust conversations) KARL has his ‘nuckers in a twust’ about culture and blah blah blah. I’d rather the Tahs have a shit culture and win, then the worlds best culture and lose.
I think the timing is right, the circumstances are right, and there’s an opportunity for a clearly defined succession plan with an assistant coach to take the reins after year two or three. So FFS just hurry up and sign him already. Hand MC a blank piece of paper and just say ‘write down how much’. shake hands and then get on with it.
Strong Tahs = strong Wallabies. Simples.
‘Finally, a nation that can play rugby’ Joe kicks back.
Fu Pluck of the Oirish
No sooner had Nathan Williamson been gifted 5 day old ‘Farewell Joe’ party pies as his quarterly performance bonus, than news of the coach formerly known as St Joe, but now just ‘Mr 37%’, has taken on a role with Oyster, Ulcer, Monster or Lester, one of the Oirish provinces anyway.
Mr 37% reportedly has family in Oirland, likes the people and the beer and the fact that the Guinness gulpers can actually play rugby for 80 minutes (most of it offside or lying at the back of opposing rucks). He probably feels the opportunity to coach anyone but Australia might be good for a while, that’s after he remembered he still has Australia A to help before embarking on the next chapter of his nomadic rugby existence. Mr 37% also plans releasing his yet to be published memoirs of his time in Oz rugby, with the working title of: ‘Well that sucked’
Yep, it’s Tah time
To boldly go.
Saturday 01st August. NSW Waratahs v Auckland Blues at Leichhardt Oval. 5.30pm kick off on STAN.
This Saturday sees the chance for the NSW Waratahs women, to boldly go where no man has gone before (well since 2014 anyway) and win a title over the Kiwis, when our lot square off against the Kiwi chumps champs, the Auckland Blues (rugby side, not the medically diagnosed depression felt by all who live in Auckland, caused by living in Auckland).
Your correspondent must admit not knowing many of the names of the Blues side, or if indeed they are the result of a faulty keyboard or drunken team manager taking the piss, either way it won’t matter. Its the Tahs by 28 in this one.
Glory, sweet glory awaits.
WARATAHS (1-15): Brianna Hoy, Brittany Merlo, Faliki Pohiva, Leilani Nathan, Kaitlan Leaney, Ruby Anderson, Emily Chancellor (c), Piper Duck, Tia Hinds, Waiaria Ellis, Amelia Whitaker, Rosie Ferguson, Pleuni Kievit, Maya Stewart, Caitlyn Halse
Replacements: Nancy Volkman, Emily Robinson, Bridie O’Gorman, Grace Gillies, Nicole Nathan, Taj Heald, Piper Simons, Lusiana Vesikula
BLUES (1-15): Chryss Viliko, Grace Gago, Aldora Itunu, Maiakawanakaulani Roos (c), Eloise Blackwell, Amarante Sititi, Taufa Bason, Liana Mikaele-Tu’u, Tara Turner, Hazel Tubic, Katelyn Vahaakolo, Hollyrae Mete-Renata, Sylvia Brunt, Sariyah Paitai, Braxton Sorensen-McGee
Replacements: Danny-Elle Fesolai, Nijiho Nagata, Harono Te Iringa, Zara Feaunati, Tafito Lafaele, Ffion Penney, Ruahei Demant, Mererangi Paul
‘Buy some rugby boots, vote Albo, and call me if you see any Chinese around’
Comrade Albo’s Rugby Cash-Splash.
In keeping with the parties mission statement, the federal arm of the Australian Red Socialist Economic Hub and Organisation for Legislative Stupidity, or ‘ARSEHOLS’ for short, has kicked the taxpayer can to the tune of $90,000,000 for rugby in Australia to do whatever they want with, as long as it’s not negative gearing or in any way related to income generation at all.
RA will allocate a cool $15m to help to increase female participation by 70%, with the goal to increase overall participation by 40% by 2029. $60m of the total $90m will go to WR to fatten corporate type WR execs in time for the 27 and 29 RWC’s
Other reports have the ARSEHOLS still looking into the perils and pitfalls of contributing $150,000,000 towards the ‘Vaimoana program’, to PI nations as part of project ‘Piss off China’ And for the ‘development of rugby’ across their slowly sinking nations. Despite the fact that every man and his dog will tell you, it will be pissed up against the grass hut walls of their capitals buildings by corrupt PI pollies, who would make POTUS blush.
You heard it here first eventually!’
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Jonny be good?
Wendy Matthews shows that nepotism is not just a bacterial cluster located in the colon region, but also a tried and tested vetting process for incoming staff, appointing no relation to Laurie, Jonny Fisher from the Reds as attack coach or the Wallabies.
Fisher will be tasked with invigorating the forward attack, and I must admit, I do enjoy how the Reds forwards attached over the last few years. Welcome aboard Mr Fisher and go well.
Suckers for punishment.
The Drua this week announced the appointment of another Kiwi to head them up for the next two years. Fresh from going backwards under former ref (strike one) and Kiwi, Glen Jackson (strike two and three), the Drua have announced Crusaders assistant coach Brad Mooar will look to harness the skill and install some discipline in the side. The Fijians can play, but are ill disciplined, have no structure and have sadly never got close to realising their potential. It could be beautifully savage if it happens. God help us if they do.
Money, money, money.
Must be funny, in a rugby world. WR have threatened to withdraw recognition and funding of Samoan Rugby. This comes on top of a statement from the Samoan government saying it was withdrawing support for Rugby Samoa due to “unresolved internal issues and division”.
The state of rugby has got so bad in the tiny nation that the government itself is proposing the establishment of a rival union to take control of the sport. I was reading somewhere recently that there soon could be a river of Australian tax payer gold flow through some PI unions, best to wait a while I’d reckon.
Hello: we’re waiting!
Another week nd still no action from WR regarding punishment of Tomas Albornoz and his placing of hands on our Gus Gardner. Well past time for WR to extract the digit on this front.
Welsh whacked.
The WRU came out last night AEST and confirmed that one of either Osprey’s or Scarlets are facing the chop. The WRU are committed to a three team set up for season 2028/29 and one of these proud clubs are destined for the rugby scarp heap. Sad times.
Until next week.
Hoss – out
Stay in the loop with G&GR