Greetings one, greetings all, and welcome to another Friday’s Rugby News.

Plenty to cover today, so let’s get stuck in. First up we look at the trials and tribulations of rugby punishment with ‘Blind’ my arse’. Go inside camp Nippon and their off-centre preparations for this weekends second test in ‘What a goose!’ We then welcome a rugby legend and game changer to the Wallaroos in ‘Now we’re talking!‘. Hop across the dutch to look at the future of rugby finances with ‘Show me the money: please’. Before wrapping up a booming rugby week with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, bags packed and ready to go on the ‘Japanese melons and Karaoke appreciation’ tour with Albo. Great melons those Japanese.

Why are our lot always guilty, until proven innocent?

‘Blind’ my arse.

So you come home and your stomach hits the floor: Your house has been ransacked and every visible indication shows it’s a Kiwi whats done it. Your cats pregnant, your new thongs are missing, there’s smudged lanolin fingerprints all over the house, and you’re not confident that it’s ‘yoghurt’ in your ugg boots. You know a Kiwi did it. The cops know a Kiwi did it. But no one in authority seems keen on pursuing fair and equitable justice. And so it is with rugby too.

For the record, I can cop Amatosero’s red card against Japan last week. To the naked eye, live it looked like forceful head contact with the shoulder, dangerous and worthy of closer inspection. If anything replays made me think it wasn’t as bad as first thought and it would stay a yellow. Then of course lady justice lifted up the blindfold and had a peak, saw the colour of the jersey involved and the outcome was pre-ordained. Red card. Three weeks out and tell your story walking pal.

After throwing large chunks of excrement at the LG, I pondered the vagaries of such events and was reminded of an identical tackle recently, by Luke Jacobson against ‘Oirish’ on-baller Josh Fleur-der-lis. The tackle was a carbon copy. Long run in by Jacobson. Left shoulder tucked. No attempt to wrap and resulted in a much clearer, forceful and direct, (with malice of forethought) contact to the melon of the South African Irishmen.

And what was the punishment or sanction again for the two transgressors of exactly the same tackle? Ahhh, that be it. The one in gold rubbed out for three weeks. The other? Well, he’ll captain the All Blacks in their next match! Naturally.

Perhaps there is science behind the Nearlies jersey after all. Not only be it the colour of evil and dastardly deeds, it’s apparently also an invisibility cloak. Justice consistently served? My arse it was.

‘Stupid flockers’. Wallabies lie in wait.

What a goose!

Saturday 15th August Queensland Country Bank Stadium Townsville. Coverage from 2.30pm AEST. Kick off 3.15am. On Stan.

The teams are locked and loaded for round two of what the Japanese rugby writers have coined: ‘Warrabries v Brave Brossums’. And in a classic ‘only Eddie’ moment, he has prepared the Japanese players for this encounter, not through extra sessions, drills or unleashing their inner Kamikaze, but by making them watch videos of geese in flight! Yep. Geese. And the reason for this coaching masterstroke you ask? Dr Evil says his side “wasn’t as sharp as we would have liked. The reason we watch videos of geese is that the head of the flock is like the ball-carrier. The ball carrier is king, and then everyone else has got to follow after that”

Both sides are already in the city that puts the ‘FFFFF’ into ‘FNQ’, Townsville, in preparation for their second test of the overpriced airfares tour. And what strikes me this week is that Les Kiss has firmly put ‘his stamp’ on the Wallabies side chosen, and picked a much better ‘team’ for this fixture. Sure, there may be better individual players who are rested for this one, but for mine this Wallaby collective looks to be amongst the most evenly balanced of the last few years.

An all QPRQ spine of 10-12-13 is a great start. Better connection, better cohesion and with with Flash Gordon back in #10, better quality pill, with faster delivery as well. Our centres can expect a busy night at the office. I am not on my Pat Malone in my appreciation of Ryan Lonergan and the quality of game he brings, my only regret is the time it took selectors to arrive at the same conclusion. From his speed, accuracy and width of pass from the rucks, to his cover defence and the cherry on top, a goal kicker who sits around 85% success rate, we have found our long term, starting #9.

Partnering Lonna’s with Flash, and the fact that Flash also possesses (in my opinion) the best pass in all of Oz rugby, plus his willingness to play flat at the line, has me licking my lips like I am sitting at a KFC drive through again, in anticipation of unleashing our attack. Something that didn’t happen often enough last week, or the last few years really.

As for Japan, they will be everything they were last week. Fast, clever, unstructured and very challenging. But here’s the thing: you don’t get a second chance at a surprise attack. Our lot know what’s coming, they’ve already peaked behind the curtain, and will be smarter and better prepared. I actually think this could be a proper pummelling of the Blossoms by the Wallabies. Eddies lot had their best chance of securing a surprise win last week. The Wob’s will be more aware, battle hardened and IMO, a much more cohesive and threatening side, than the side who bumbled, fumbled and near stumbled last week. Maybe Eddies decision to watch a geese doco is a portend of what’s to come. The Wallabies may just prove to be rugby’s ‘bird flu’, to Eddies wild geese fantasies.

Fearless Prediction: Wallabies by 28.

WALLABIES (15-1): Tom Wright; Max Jorgensen, Isaac Henry, Hunter Paisami, Harry Potter; Carter Gordon, Ryan Lonergan; Harry Wilson (capt), Carlo Tizzano, Charlie Cale, Lukhan Salakaia-Loto, Lachlan Shaw, Taniela Tupou, Josh Nasser, Angus Bell

Replacements: Brandon Paenga-Amosa, Aidan Ross, Massimo De Lutiis, Jeremy Williams, Fraser McReight, Tate McDermott, Ben Donaldson, Filipo Daugunu

JAPAN (15-1): Takuro Matsunaga; Yoshitaka Yazaki, Dylan Riley, Shunsuke Uenobo, Haruto Kida; Ryunosuke Ito, Naoto Saito; Faulua Makisi, Tiennan Costley, Banzai Ben Gunter; Warner Wasabi Dearns (capt), Harry ‘Show me the money’ Hockings; Shuhei Takeuchi, Hayate Era, Takato Okabe

Replacements: Mamoru Harada, Sojiro Otsuka, Izi Sword, Jack ‘Kamakazi’ Cornelsen, Michael Leitch, Itsuki Kamimura, Samisoni Tua, Kazuma Ueda

Referee: Paul Williams (NZR) Assistant Referee 1: Angus ‘The Ponderer’ Mabey (NZR) Assistant Referee 2: Marcus ‘I hate the Reds’ Playle (NZR) TMO: Glenn ‘Seinfeld’ Newman (NZR) FPRO: Richard ‘Ned’ Kelly (NZR)

How good!

Now we’re talking!

Maddi Levi is finally set to become a Wallaroo, having being named in the Wallaroos squad to face the Black Ferns next week. And I for one, cant wait. Levi is one of a host of 7’s starts in the wider squad, with the likes of Bienne Terita, Alysia Lefau-Fakaosilea, Piper Simons and Tia Hinds already members, and who have already spent time in the XV’s game. There was hope Levi would be a Wallaroo last year, until a thumb injury cruelled her chances.

The inclusion of so many 7’s stars cannot be anything other than a brilliant injection for our XVs side. The fitness levels they will bring, the refined skills they already possess, but also their ruthless winning mentality, built over many years of 7’s glory, will surely lift the bar for our XV’s team.

Early days in Tim Walsh’s role in the women’s game, but with a new coach and perhaps the worlds best 7’s player now with the Wallaroos, the early days look promising. Very promising.

‘Wee but of bother I rickin’

Show me the money: please.

Interesting story on stuff.co.nz about the financial health of the Kiwi SRP sides. It would appear that from 2019 – 2025 only two sides have returned a profit, without a NZR cash injection: the Blues in 2022 ($158,000) and then the Chiefs in 2023 ($258,000). With all sustaining large losses for at least one year between 2019-2025

The NZR have employed bean counters Deloittes, who have table their ‘Building the Competition the Game Needs’ document. Amongst an interesting suggestion, the possibility of increasing the sides current $4.7m NZD salary cap, t a whopping $9.7m NZD, to bring them inline with ‘global averages’

Whilst the report and the findings may have a Kiwi slant, it is interesting to note that Deloittes canvassed opinions and insights from: NZ Rugby, Rugby Australia, Australian Super Rugby clubs and the NZ Rugby Players’ Association. One of the interesting findings for all stakeholders included: ‘The direction toward a unified, investable SRP model is the only credible way to close the economic gap and strengthen the professional base.’

Short story: tinkering will not save SRP. There’s change coming folks, revolutionary change. Best strap yourselves in, and I for one, can’t wait.

‘You heard it here first eventually.’

Friday’s Goss with Hoss.

Rucking Idiots invited.

Just a reminder, we will have a Rucking Idiots Live Blog for all Wallaby test’s this year, as well as all Tier One Nation Tests. The blog will be live for 2.30pm tomorrow. See you there. My shout.

1000 to 1.

This weeks Wallaby test will also likely see Massimo De Lutis (Maximus Gluteus) earn a Wallaby debut and in doing so, also see him crowned Wallaby #1,000. And that’s really kinda cool all round. It gives pause to fans and players alike, to stop and think of the 999 who came before him, and also the history and legacy of the jersey. If you put that in perspective and about how rare and how honoured our guys must feel to pull on the kit. For example, Jimmy ‘Methuselah’ Slipper was Wallaby #843 when he made his debut in 2013. Or even more so, the Wallabies were formed in 1899, so over 127 years, that’s only 8 debuts per annum, of those who get to wear the jersey. Pretty special I’d reckon.

Congrat’s Massimo, go well, saviour the experience, and earn your ‘stich’ as someone on here said once.

Frustrated Fittler’s French fancy.

The Waratahs must be just so brimming, so choc-a-bloc full of young and emerging talent, that they have now decided to let another young gun head north is search of Euro and a sense of rugby belonging. The Waratahs have let promising prospect and Junior Wallaby, Zac Fittler scarper off to Pau in France for 12 months (because no young player ever stays in France) evidently happy that he will be easily replaced by a mungo winger playing #13 and an incoming mungo forward to play #12, and all this outside a 73 year old #10 who cannot make 10m kicking for touch, even if he had an 11m gifted to him.

Fittler evidently had enough of the ‘Apply Within’ sign on Chuckles Mackellar’s old office door, and with no news on an incoming coach, and no offer to stay from the Tahs (or RA), has decided to go to France ‘to become a better player’. Ouch!

If I could ask Natho over at RA: just pop into ‘Director of High Performance’ Peter Horne’s office mate, he’s either asleep at his desk, drunk in the cafeteria, or has suffered a medical episode and unconscious on the floor. And if any of those have happened, slip him a swift kick in the cods from us at G&GR anyway, before he comes to.

Bull spit.

The Nearlies have rested a host f big names for their match against the Bulls on Sunday morning our time. And in an interesting turn of events, little known Japanese second league plodder, Richie ‘Princess’ Mo’unga has been called to NZ as ‘injury cover’. Further evidence that the both the Dave Rennie era and NZR’s quest to regain former greatness is gaining serious momentum.

You can catch the third match of the tour Sunday 16th August 2.15am on Stan.

Rugby retirement home.

What do you do when you can’t get a gig in Oz anymore? Why you head to Ospreys in the English coal mining town of Wales. That’s what.

In a side already containing Liam ‘Wrongaz’ Wright, Lalakai Foketi, Ryan Smith and Lawson Creighton, the Ospreys are rumoured to have lured The Exocet himself, Marika Koroibete to their rolling hills of chitter. The Exocet had been chasing a SR contract back in Oz, with the Reds reportedly offering him a ‘modest” wider squad contract. The Tahs weren’t interested in signing him, in keeping with their recent practise, at 34yo Koroibete was not considered old enough to join the sky blue. Instead he has opted for a $200k paid holiday and Welsh singing sabbatical with Ospreys.

Until next week – go you golden things.

Hoss – out.

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