The NRL finals are back. That means three things: Phil Gould speechifying; incoming Mad Monday scandals; and a boatload of casual fans looking for a team to back.

If you don’t know your Jaylan De Groots from your Jaiyden Hunts, here’s a guide to each team, their chances of success, and how many enemies you’ll make rooting for them.

Canberra Raiders

They didn’t even make the eight last year, but the baby Raiders have stunned the rest of the competition so far. Canberra are playing exciting, carefree footy and having fun while they do it. While the club’s decision to phase out the classic lime green jerseys in recent years is a coward’s move, only a weak-gutted dog wouldn’t want to see what kind of verbal insanity a finals-era Ricky Stuart is capable of.

Barrack for if: Kingsley’s Chicken has a special place in your heart (real ones know).

Barrack against if: The phrase ‘Up the Milk’ makes you nauseous.

Melbourne Storm

Oh, the Storm are in the finals again, are they? How exciting. I wonder if the Fox commentators will describe their ballplaying as “clinical” at some point. Gee, I hope so.

Look, of course Melbourne could win. They always could win. Even though Jahrome Hughes is out with a busted hand, they could still win. But would you feel anything if they did? Would it make your passage through this bastard of a life any better? Or can we have something different for once?

Barrack for if: Your favourite movies are all Marvel.

Barrack against if: You have a grudging respect for monotonous excellence.

Melbourne Storm. Always in the mix. Photograph: Robert Cianflone/Getty ImagesCanterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs

Everything was going so well. The Doggies were cruising – sparkling attack, ferocious defence. The assemblage of journeymen and utilities that Phil Gould had stuck together looked the real deal.

Then came the audacious poaching of teen tyro Lachlan Galvin from the Wests Tigers, and the wheels started coming off. They’ve been routed by multiple top-eight teams in recent weeks. Even the lowly Tigers got the last laugh at their showdown in August. There’s no questioning their heart, but a top-four team has rarely looked less likely.

Barrack for if: You want to go to a Belmore street party.

Barrack against if: You’re a Tigers fan with a grudge.

Brisbane Broncos

Let’s just get it out of the way: yes, Reese Walsh drank out of a (new) toilet the other week. It’s not ideal, but it’s pretty minor as dumb footy scandals go.

Whatever was in that toilet bowl, it’s clearly working. After a slow start to the season, the Broncos head into the finals in arguably the best form of anybody. Queensland’s biggest, oldest and meanest team are back, and they could go all the way if the competition’s oldest halves pairing doesn’t physically fall to pieces.

Barrack for if: TikTok pranks are your thing.

Barrack against if: You think giardia is no laughing matter.

Reece Walsh with his mind back on the footy. Photograph: Darren England/AAPCronulla-Sutherland Sharks

The Sharks have been impossible to get a read on this year. One week they’re knocking over the Storm, the next week they’re getting flogged by the Roosters. They’ve had a mostly-cruisy run to the finals, racking up cricket scores against cellar-dwelling teams while somehow losing to the Dragons. In more ways than one, this is a team that was born to come fifth.

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Barrack for if: You live in the Shire and absolutely nowhere else.

Barrack against if: The NRL-themed pizza shop in Sutherland has wronged you too. Banana on a pizza? Come on, man.

New Zealand Warriors

Everyone’s second-favourite team looked to be genuine contenders until boom halfback Luke Metcalf tore his ACL in June. Since then the Warriors have sputtered, losing to several bottom-end teams and slipping out of the top four. If they somehow cobble a serious finals run together, it’d be no less than their long-suffering fans deserve. Maybe next year.

Barrack for if: You need to feel the Up the Wahs magic again.

Barrack against if: You have a cruel streak.

Penrith Panthers

They couldn’t. Could they?

Halfway through the season, we thought we knew the answer: nope. The four-time defending premiers finished round 12 in last place, leading pundits everywhere to declare the Panthers dynasty dead and buried.

Nathan Cleary has his eyes on the prize. Photograph: Darrian Traynor/Getty Images

As if in answer, Ivan Cleary’s match-winning machine finally clicked into gear. They won nine games in a row, vaulting themselves into the top four – only to lose back-to-back golden point heartbreakers against Melbourne and Canberra with the finals looming.

No team in the NRL era has won the comp from seventh place – but no team’s won four in a row, either.

Barrack for if: You’re a history buff.

Barrack against if: You need a change of pace.

Sydney Roosters

For a team that was supposed to fall apart under a devastating injury toll, the Roosters have done enormously well in 2025. James Tedesco is surely in line for the Dally M, while rugby convert Mark Nawaqanitawase has been the competition’s single most entertaining player all year. They’re not exactly underdogs, but they’ve earned their place in the finals and could be a surprise contender.

Barrack for if: Your first team, the Swans, didn’t make the AFL finals and you’re at a loose end.

Barrack against if: You live west of Anzac Parade.