Welcome to The Money Coach, a Times of Malta column where readers can ask questions about life’s money issues. Send your questions about personal finances, inheritance, gifting or other personal finance topics to moneycoach@timesofmalta.com

Dear Luca,

I am a 31-year-old lawyer who, so far, has had a very successful career. My husband works in investment banking and we both earn decent salaries. Over the past few years, we’ve managed to build our savings and investments quite nicely.

We have also paid off our home loan, and have even been exploring the possibility of buying a second property for rental income.

When we married, we always agreed that once we were settled, we’d have two children. I feel we are quite close to that phase now, but now I feel hesitant.

Our friends with children are much more stressed, less financially stable than us and seem to be struggling with the stress and commitment that parenthood brings.

It’s not what I thought parenthood would be, considering the very happy childhood I had with my two siblings.

When I discuss parenthood with my friends, apart from the long hours and commitment, they often mention money as one of their biggest challenges. Not having enough of it pushes them to work longer hours to provide for their families — ironically leading them to spend even more time away from home.

They also speak about the expenses that come with raising children — health costs, school fees, extracurricular activities, and more.

Recently, there has been talk in Malta about improving conditions for parents to help increase the fertility rate. But it’s not something I’m banking on, given how as a country we remain far behind others in this regard.

You’ve often spoken about your family, and being both a financial coach and a father, my main question to you is this: Is it worth giving up my current comfort to have children, considering the uncertainty, the costs, and the roller-coaster ride that comes with it?

Hesitant Parent-to-Be

Luca responds:

I understand your hesitation, truly. But allow me to say this right from the start: there are many families with far smaller incomes than yours who still manage to raise wonderful children, despite all the financial and emotional challenges that come with it.

At the end of the day, it’s not only about how much you earn – it’s about how much you want this next chapter. If you and your husband really wish to become parents, you will find a way to make it work.

Yes, expenses will rise. But given your financial stability and mindset, I have no doubt you’ll be able to adapt, provided you plan wisely and follow the strategies I’ll outline below.

Being married and a father of two young children myself, I completely empathise with what your friends are saying. Parenthood is certainly not for the faint-hearted, nor for those who prefer comfort over challenge.

But having said that, despite all the financial and emotional challenges that parenthood brought, I do not regret it, not even for a moment.

I vividly remember New Year’s Eve of 2018, the year before we had our firstborn. My wife and I were sitting at a restaurant celebrating the end of the year together, and yet, despite being financially comfortable, something was missing: children.

We always had that goal. And at the time, we had gone through two miscarriages in a single year. So despite the ‘comfort’ of stability and money, I couldn’t say we were truly happy.

Now, six years later and with two children, I can’t deny the financial stress that comes with it. I wouldn’t say we’re financially “comfortable” anymore… but life isn’t just about money. Most of the time, it goes far beyond that.

That said, I completely understand your concern. To protect yourself and prepare mentally, I’d encourage you to start a dedicated fund for your future children.

In a previous column, I mentioned that from the moment you find out you’re expecting until your child’s first birthday, it can cost an estimated €10,000. Of course, that’s not the only expense to think about, but the earlier you start saving, the better.

Don’t let the amount discourage you. I didn’t have €10,000 saved before my son was born. Before my second child, yes – I was better organised. You’ll learn and adapt with time.

Take a good look at your salaries and any other income sources, and dedicate a portion of them to this fund. Consciously decide that this portion will be reserved for the growth of your family, and allow it to increase gradually over time.

Then ask yourself this:

Would cutting a small portion of my salary each month hurt so much that it would stop me from having children?

You’ll learn a lot from whatever answer you give yourself.

And finally, ask: Is a roller-coaster ride enough to prevent me from having children?

For some, the answer might be yes, and that’s okay. But when I asked myself that same question years ago, my answer was no. And even now, after all the financial and emotional challenges my wife and I have faced, my answer remains no.

Ultimately, this is a deeply personal choice. Don’t let anyone – not even your friends – influence it. We already live in a world full of voices trying to dictate what we do. Don’t let one of life’s most meaningful decisions  (one that can bring immense, unspoken joy) be dictated by others.

I hope this helps. 

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions or your response to today’s question for a chance to be featured in a future column.

Disclaimer: This column is intended to provide general information on various topics related to personal finance. The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalised financial advice for your specific situation. Financial decisions are highly individual and can vary greatly based on your unique circumstances, goals, and risk tolerance. The author of this column is not authorised to provide financial advice. Before making any financial decisions, it is recommended to seek professional financial advice from an authorised financial advisor.