In an industry of bombast and bluster, Dennis Cometti carved out a place in the pantheon of Australian sports callers with wit and wisdom.
His commentary was the soundtrack to countless events in sporting history, with the final decades of his career spent mostly covering the AFL.
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If there was an important AFL match being played throughout the 90s and 2000s, the chances are Cometti was behind the mic, making the seemingly mundane sound utterly magical.
Until Cometti’s retirement in 2016, he was the only TV commentator whose career had spanned the entire duration of the AFL’s national competition, and his iconic one-liners will continue to live on for generations to come.
Here are some of Cometti’s most memorable one-liners:
On Eddie Betts threading the needle from the pocket:
He’s judged it to a nicety. Centimetre perfect!
On West Coast’s Peter Wilson kicking an overhead goal:
Wilson, like a cork in the ocean over his head. Oh my word!
On Heath Shaw’s goalsquare smother of Nick Riewoldt:
He came up behind him like a librarian. He never heard him!
On Steve Johnson’s dominant performance:
This is a virtuoso performance. He will leave tonight and get on the team bus with a violin case.
On Angus Monfries receiving a lucky bounce:
If Pythagoras is watching, explain that!
On Barack Obama’s tenpin bowling skills:
I just hope the future of the free world is never decided by a bowl-off.
On Cyril Rioli chasing Lewis Jetta on the wing:
This is interesting! It’s a main event in any stadium in the world.
On Kangaroos midfielder Jess Sinclair’s grievances:
He’s pleading his case like the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet.
On Kamdyn McIntosh attempting to chase Bradley Hill:
They say it’s easy to run downhill. Tell that to McIntosh!
On Melbourne midfielder Adem Yze:
Remember the name: Y-Z-E — terrific young player, bad Scrabble hand.
On the work of Bulldogs star Tony Liberatore as he burrowed into a pack:
Liberatore went into that last pack optimistically and came out misty optically.
On former Melbourne, Sydney and Collingwood ruckman Darren Jolly:
Jolly gets it to Green. Where’s the giant?
On a Carlton champion:
There’s Koutoufides — more vowels than possessions today.
Closely assessing the team list in his Football Record:
Barlow to Bateman … The Hawks are attacking alphabetically.
On the cliches of sport:
So it’s back to the old drawing board. Obviously a luxury that the guy who invented the drawing board didn’t have.
On Brisbane midfielder Simon Black:
He’s like Diogenes or OJ Simpson — he’s always searching.
On an errant shot at goal by former Richmond star Darren Gasper:
Ahh, Gasper the unfriendly post.
Upon seeing Port Adelaide’s Josh Carr approached by a tackler:
Carr — covered by a third party.
On a collision between Carr’s brother Matthew and former Docker Trent Croad:
Carr was just poleaxed by his own team-mate. Does that qualify as Croad rage?
On the eternal struggles of the tall defender:
Right now Shannon Watt looks like a man in a darkened room trying to discover where all the furniture is.
On a West Coast Eagles champion:
The way Jakovich is playing today, he’s closer to teething than retiring.
On Collingwood’s burly full-forward of the 2000s:
When Anthony Rocca backs into a pack, he beeps.
Harking back to his FM radio days with another 1960s music reference:
The Dockers’ defence is in disarray. Everybody wants to be Gladys Knight, nobody wants to be the Pips.
On the unfortunate lot of a lumbering Adelaide ruckman:
Shaun Rehn has been terrific again today but look at him, he’s paid a price. Like a Saint Bernard in a heatwave.
On a Brownlow medal-winning former Bulldogs and Bears star:
Hardie decides to have a bounce. Look at him go. Amazing. Not bad for a guy who’s built like a pirate’s lunch table.
On St Kilda’s premiership drought:
The Saints have had more five-year plans than Fidel Castro.
On the one-dimensional kicking skills of Essendon forward Scott Lucas:
I think it’s safe to say Lucas takes his right leg out there purely for balance.
On his former colleague Robert DiPierdomenico:
That’s the latest from the huddles. For those of you who don’t know, Dipper is a graduate of the Don Corleone school of elocution.
On a former Adelaide and Geelong livewire’s unpredictable moves:
I swear if Ronnie Burns were building a house he’d start with the roof.
On football tactics:
Some people might say that was a set play, but if it was, the Swans must have copied it off a Portuguese bus timetable.
On Simon Black, again:
A lot of talk these days is about ‘inside players’. Well, as we saw there, if Simon Black was any more inside he’d be a pancreas.
On a clash between Essendon and Hawthorn great Paul Salmon and the more slimline St Kilda star Nicky ‘Elvis’ Winmar:
Just as Winmar landed, big Salmon came crashing down on top of him. They’re slowly getting up and now I can report the building has left the Elvis.