Essendon superstar Zach Merrett has reflected candidly on his failed trade move to Hawthorn, and the effects the highly-publicised saga had on him and his loved ones.

It comes as the Bombers and Hawks prepare to clash in a blockbuster Round 1 meeting at the MCG.

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Merrett, who said it’ll feel like a “blur” when he clashes with the Hawks on Friday night, explained that the “hardest part” about his trade saga was the media intensity and a handful of narratives he thought were “pretty unfair”.

“It was definitely difficult – and, not to go through everything, but there’s no doubt I was struggling a little bit at the back end of last year, personally,” he said on Fox Footy’s AFL 360 on Tuesday night.

“Trying to find and see the light for where we’re going as a footy club and myself, to then get to the point of asking for a trade.

“That wasn’t the hardest part — I think the hard part was all the intensity in the media, and probably some narratives and some discussion and points that were made that I thought were pretty unfair, and a fair way from the truth.

“That was hard to live with. And then seeing how that puts pressure on your family and friends around you – it was certainly a unique situation I’ve never been in.”

Speaking on AFL 360 on Monday night, Brad Scott insisted there was no relationship breakdown between him and Merrett, defiantly starting: “That never happened.”

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The five-time Crichton medallist said he never thought he’d be one of those to seek a move to greener pastures.

“It was tough, but I’m pretty comfortable with most of the things that went down, and there are things I certainly learned as well,” he said.

“It’s hard when you’re the club captain and you’re having these constant battles internally around what’s best for you and your footy … I got to a point, to be honest, that I never thought I was going to reach.

“I’ve seen plenty of players and staff before me reach a point where they felt they needed to remove themselves from the club and go to a different place.

“I never thought I would get there, and unfortunately, I did at the end of last year, and that was why those next few months unfolded.”

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Reflecting on the final moments of trade deadline day on October 15 last year, Merrett admitted there was “a lot of emotion flowing” – compounded by non-footy events – but had “no anger” towards the Bombers for holding him to his contract.

“Tom (Petroro, his former agent) is such a passionate and loyal guy – he was fighting tooth and nail to get the job done, and I was just sitting at home with my wife and my cousin watching the Petracca deal happen, and then the Curnow deal and it looked like it was going to happen – and it didn’t,” Merrett said.

“The clock ticked over 6.30, and then pretty quickly trying to wrap your head around you’re going back, and what that may look like.

“It was a weird time. I had my nana’s funeral two days later, which was probably the hardest part of that two-week period.

“So, there was a lot of emotion flowing (but) not anger — I signed that deal four years prior. They committed to me massively, so there was no anger around the decision-making to hold me to the contract.

“It was more probably a bit of disappointment around how things had played out publicly; some conversations that had been had behind closed doors that were aired in the public eye.

“There was definitely some disappointment and frustration initially, but … by the time I got back to Melbourne (after the funeral), it was (about) getting my head around going back.”

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Merrett said he preferred to have had some conversations behind closed doors, citing interviews that club leaders Mason Redman and Nic Martin did with media outlets during the saga.

“Those two articles that were public (about Redman and Martin’s reactions) – I think that was one of the things I was a little bit frustrated at the start that that was public,” he said.

“I think there were conversations that could have been had behind closed doors. Those two boys were understandably frustrated … if I were in that position, I’d probably be the same … so, their actions were fully entitled.

“We caught up off the back of the trade not going through — we had dinner on (Andrew) Welshy’s card, which was nice.

“(It was) probably two or three weeks later, we caught up with Andy McGrath and Kyle Langford and just talked about everything – they put their cards on the table around their frustrations, and then I gave them a little bit more context.

“I think the learning from me was that I should have been more up front through the back end of the season with how I was feeling, and what I felt I needed to do just to give them more understanding.

“I think they felt a little bit in the dark, so, as I said, completely understand their position – for me, it would just have been nice to have those conversations behind closed doors.”