One of my favorite Housewives motifs is theatrical medical emergencies. Obviously, I would never want one of our darlings actually to get hurt. Still, when it does happen, there’s something about their inevitable diva reactions in the aftermath that just scratches a specific itch for me. Vicki Gunvalson is the undisputed champion in this category of gags, with her wheelchair-bound exit in Iceland after mixing Xanax and Adderall being a favorite of mine. And who can forget the intensity of Tammy, lying on the floor of a Miami mansion while Shereé yelled, “Somebody call an ambulance!” Or Angie K slicing her finger while in a seahorse costume. Call me sadistic, but it’s great TV!
K. Michelle, who is on a roll for providing the most entertainment for the third week in a row, continues her Housewives initiation with her own medical mishap to add to the vault. As she heals from BBL complications, she proves herself Bravo-worthy by dragging her glam squad to the hospital for a face of makeup and perfect hair before joining Phaedra, Porsha, and Cynthia for a mani-pedi. It’s nice seeing K. Michelle with the all-stars of old-school RHOA — the chemistry is there, and she can hold her own with the upperclassmen. The only thing that would’ve made it better is if she had taken a cue from Vicki and come in a wheelchair, but watching her hobble up the stairs on the nail technician’s arm is still the sort of diva behavior I love. Phaedra peeps K’s game, reminding us that she delivered her baby in a full face for the world to watch.
Phaedra’s callback made me mourn the time when she did more than mimic Porsha’s aesthetic and regurgitate rehearsed reads in her confessionals, praying she’ll become a meme. After years spent banished before climbing tooth and nail through a probationary period, she’s re-achieved full-time peach-holder status, but at what cost? In her attempts to redeem herself from the drama that led to her exile, Phaedra lost the spark and verve that made her a compelling television character. She’s a natural-born villain, but her obsession with trying to look like a good person and leaving her conniving behavior for when cameras go down makes her “Shade Assassin” reputation fall flat during her comeback.
There’s an argument that Phaedra isn’t the only current Housewife afflicted by this balancing act — Lisa Barlow comes to mind — but what bugs me is that she doesn’t do much of anything else to make up for it. At least Lisa puts in work on RHOSLC, love her or hate her. I almost want to prod Phaedra with a stick, to check for signs of life. The episode has great moments as the women open up their lives and allow us to see their vulnerability: we see Angela retrying her hand at real estate while grieving her mother, Drew dealing with her divorce, and Pinky filing for bankruptcy in hopes of a fresh start. Yet Phaedra does little more than get caught talking shit off-camera to Shamea by saying Pinky isn’t a real vegan. The rumor is hilarious on the surface because Pinky’s whole schtick is being vegan, but now that Phaedra’s seed germinated in my brain, I do think it’s a bit strange for a PETA board member to marry someone who sells animal meat. She rightfully says the rumor could mess with her money, though it’s interesting she’s more upset by the financial repercussions than the ethical ones. The math is off, though I don’t really care who she marries or what she eats…but PETA might. Phaedra definitely knows where to throw her daggers, I’ll give her that.
The newbies are also annoyed with Phaedra’s lackluster performance; K. Michelle shadily asks during a lunch with Cynthia and Pinky, “So what is up with Phaedra? All she does is giggle.” Pinky strangely jokes that Phaedra is “too busy eating dead people at the morgue.” Girl, what? As NeNe would say: “It’s getting weird.” References to cannibalism aside (I hollered when she doubled down on it when it didn’t land the first time), they’re right to question Phaedra’s behavior. Like K. said, “You cannot trust no lawyer who don’t practice the law,” because what exactly does Phaedra do these days? We don’t see her in court, at a funeral home, or even practicing Reiki as she did on Married to Medicine. Perhaps Phaedra should go the Mother Cynthia route as a friend of the show who flits in and out of the fun scenes to offer her two cents and provide a connection to the old days — her scene with Pinky and K. Michelle did more to move the season than Phaedra’s contributions in the last three episodes.
Shamea seems to be on the opposite end of the spectrum from Phaedra, doing entirely too much. Her rum business is a strange pivot from her music career, and her husband, Gerald, is just as skeptical as I am. It’s giving Housewives gimmick brand, along the lines of Meredith Marks caviar or whatever Gizelle and Ashley were doing with GNA. Gerald clearly believes the endeavor is frivolous, using the two sentences he allots for himself during filming to say he thinks the business is “fine” as long as she “puts some work into it.” There is footage of him grilling the company Shamea wants to collaborate with, asking the real business questions that his wife clearly isn’t concerned about, before saying it wasn’t market-ready and abruptly walking away. But for Shamea, what matters is not the viability of the venture, but the amount of screen time (and businesswoman-themed attire) it’ll earn her on the show, so she’ll ride this idea until the wheels fall off.
As Shamea plays business Barbie, we get our first instance of an activated K. Michelle after one of Porsha’s mindless comments ruffles her feathers. While at the nail salon, K. shares how her infected incision led to a two-hour reconstructive surgery. She begins with her intense bleeding at the Academy of Country Music Honors, to which Porsha asks if she had a miscarriage. Based on the look on her face, the insensitivity of the remark rubs K. the wrong way, although she pushes it aside in the moment. But after stewing on it for a while, she expresses her feelings through her Twitter fingers, something she’s been doing since her Love and Hip Hop days.
The tweets include “I’ll sit there and smile clock it. I’m not with none of that bullshit,” and simply the word “activated” in all caps. My favorite is the one that reads, “Bimbos are the loudest and most confident. Shut your face.” Since K. Michelle didn’t react in real time, no one knows who the bimbo in question is until she explains her anger to Cynthia and Pinky. Cynthia, knowing Porsha best, immediately clocks that the situation is another case of a Porsha-ism gone wrong. Cynthia says, “Everybody knows Porsha speaks before she thinks,” and that while Porsha does owe K. an apology, she’s sure there was no malice behind the comment. I concur — this mishap is like Porsha’s forever funny delivery of “your injured son and hoe daughter” to Kim Zolciak. My guess is that Porsha was playing up her reaction for the camera, ad-libbing whatever crossed her mind upon hearing about the blood, to aid the scene.
Despite Cynthia knowing Porsha’s inappropriate comment was an innocent slip of the tongue, K. Michelle isn’t having it, because, according to her, Porsha knew about her medical complications before they showed up at the nail salon. She therefore interpreted Porsha’s actions as a calculated shot like the one she witnessed when Porsha confronted Kelli over tea. I also think that, due to the bad experiences with her old castmates K. Michelle briefly talked about in the premiere, combined with RHOA’s reputation, she’s entered this space slightly defensive, overthinking every move, and assuming people are out to get her for the sake of a storyline.
Both Pinky and Cynthia urge K. to give Porsha a chance to share her side. Their conversation is a productive exchange in which K. admits the tweets were about Porsha, and Porsha promises she would never mention a miscarriage in a shady way, considering her own experience having one. They exit the conversation with a fresh start, but it definitely leaves a bad taste in K.’s mouth. I have a feeling this won’t be the last time Porsha’s lack of a filter will activate the self-proclaimed “former crash out,” and I’ll be waiting patiently for K.’s next reaction and the tweets it’ll produce.
• I understand Drew’s reluctance to be honest about her relationship with Blakk, as she doesn’t want to give her demonic ex more ammo in the divorce, but that dinner scene did not help her case. It looked like the Atlanta date night special to me as they flirted over hookah flavors while he looked at her adoringly with his bare stomach exposed in a fully opened leather button-down.
• Another thing I love that K. Michelle is bringing to Atlanta is the type of gift of gab that’s specific to Southern women. From calling Porsha a dingbat and a bimbo to her imitations of Phaedra’s laugh, her delivery and commentary add a flavor of comedy that’s been missing since NeNe left.
• The more Pinky divulges about her business and relationship, the more questions I have. Filming a scene crying in a lawyer’s office while taking the first steps toward filing for personal bankruptcy before telling your husband (who you don’t have a prenup with) is definitely an interesting choice.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
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