“It was a privilege and an honour.”
Nigel Latta and John Aiken. Photo / Harper Collins, Jason Oxenham
Lessons on Living was Latta’s last book – he died from gastric cancer in September 2025, on the day it was published.
His wife Natalie Flynn and brother Craig both appear in the documentary, giving their insights on Latta and his work.
The series focuses on Latta’s three core principles for living a better life: drive the bus (take charge of your own life), focus on the things you can control, and teamwork.
Aiken talks to a variety of well-known New Zealanders about their experiences with the issues raised.
League star Shaun Johnson talks about the importance of pausing before reacting to a situation, to gain more control.
ZM and Celebrity Treasure Island host Bree Tomasel talks about her anxiety and feelings of not being good enough, and reveals she kept her sexuality a secret from her conservative father for a decade after coming out to her mother.
It also features White Fern Amelia Kerr, Kiwi supermodel Rachel Hunter, musicians Anika Moa and Benee, and author and resilience educator Dr Lucy Hone.
Psychologist and MAFS expert John Aiken, who presents three-part documentary series Lessons on Living, based on the bestselling book by Nigel Latta. Photo / Michael Craig
“Stepping into Nigel’s shoes was big,” Aiken says. “There’s a lot more at stake, because he has created such a legacy.
“When I got approached, it was a lot more than doing a reality TV show, this was carrying on a conversation that he’d started. He had a number-one bestselling book, he was a man that I greatly respected, so yeah, I’m not gonna lie, it was a massive challenge. But what I decided to do was just be me.”
On a flying visit to New Zealand, between filming the new season of MAFS, Aiken talked to the Herald about the series and his memories of Latta and Schilling. Here are his thoughts, in his own words.
On Nigel Latta…
I think the world misses a lot about Nigel, particularly his sense of humour, his straight-talking, no-nonsense approach. And, particularly, the way he was able to take psychology, which can be quite confusing at times, and make it accessible to the masses. That’s not something that you can really teach; you either have that or you don’t.
He really impacted the country with the way he was able to distil these key principles. You could sit down in front of a documentary of his and come away understanding the area so much better. That’s something I’ve rarely seen and I think that’s greatly missed.
Nigel Latta’s book Lessons on Living was published on the day he died from gastric cancer. The book has inspired a new TV series, hosted by Latta’s friend, MAFS expert John Aiken.
The big thing I didn’t know about Nigel was that he was a romantic; he was big on love.
I had watched him so much, but I didn’t ever think that. I was thinking: straight shooter, calls a spade a spade, probably a little impatient, just wants to get straight down to things, highly intelligent. But a romantic? That was a softer side to him which became a real focus for him in his final years, particularly with [his wife] Natalie. I loved hearing about that inner world of Nigel’s.
On Latta’s wife Natalie Flynn…
We just immediately connected. She’s incredibly intelligent and I was immediately drawn to her because she’s very open with how she feels and what she went through.
It was quite jarring at times, hearing about her and Nigel and their last months together. But it was very important to me that I got to know her, but also that she wanted me to be part of the project.
Natalie Flynn, who was married to Nigel Latta, talks to John Aiken on new series Lessons on Living, inspired by Latta’s last book.
She’s an incredible woman, but I think with all of us when we experience grief, it’s an ongoing process. I love being able to catch up with her, reach out. I texted her just last night to say I’m here and I want to catch up.
On MAFS expert Mel Schilling…
[Her death] was really shocking. It happened very quickly. You could see her on [the last season of MAFS Australia], and she was glamorous and fierce and a real force of nature, and then very soon after that she passed.
[It was] difficult to get your head around. It’s not going to be the same, moving forward without her.
John Aiken posted this photo on Instagram in a tribute to his fellow MAFS expert Mel Schilling, who he appeared alongside for a decade. Photo / John Aiken
She was almost like the mother on the show. She would give out warm hugs when required, but also deliver stern serves at times.
She was very much a ray of light. You might come in sleep-deprived, you’ve had a hard morning, whatever it is, and she would always jump up, dance, she would greet you, she would be larger than life, off-screen.
She never complained; she was a real fighter and a leader, and a real voice for women, who I admired.
On grief…
Considering my training, grief is still very hard. It’s a struggle; I definitely find that. This year has been a real challenge. Regardless of my training, I’m a human being and – it’s a bit like my wife says, “when you come home, I want a husband, not a therapist”, so I don’t tend to tap into that stuff; I just experience it like everybody else. You’ve got to try and learn to hang on in a different way, rather than trying to let it go.
In Nigel’s book, Lessons on Living… the key, third principle, is “lean on your team”. That was a very big one for me, and I think that’s how I do it: I go to the people in my inner circle. I lean on them, and I get perspective, and I get comfort and support, so I’m just not trying to deal with it on my own.
On what he’d say to Latta now…
If Nigel is sitting there, having a cocktail, watching the show, I think I would say to him that I hope you’re proud of it, like I am. I hope we did you justice and made sure that you were a part of this documentary series. I think he is; he’s sprinkled throughout it, and the montage at the end is amazing.
And what I think Nigel would hope people take from the show is that when life gets very difficult, there are very simple, teachable techniques that you can use to cope.
As you practise these tools, you can become more resilient. You’re not somebody who is either good at coping or not. You’re actually someone who has the ability to learn a skill and then deal with the crisis in front of you.
That’s what he would hope … and that people watch this and at times laugh, because humour was important to him.
Lessons on Living premieres on October 14, 8.30pm on Sky Open, ThreeNow and Neon.