First dates are awkward at the best of times.
But there are a few key factors that can make them a little more pleasant – like, I don’t know, a shred of basic human decency.
As a 32-year-old single woman braving the Sydney dating scene, my approach is pretty standard: treat my dates like I would anyone else – with respect, openness, kindness, and common courtesy.
If a romantic spark develops, great. But at the very least, if you’re sacrificing several hours of your evening to another person, you should both be able to walk away having enjoyed a positive human connection and perhaps even learned something new.
Seems straightforward, right?
Well, it should be. But sadly, if you’re reading this as a single person dating in Australia, you’ve probably had your fair share of rotten dating experiences.
It’s hardly breaking news that the current dating pool is frustratingly tough to navigate, with endless swipe culture, ghosting, and widespread nonchalance killing modern romance.
But I think I underestimated just how dire it’s become.
After meeting a 38-year-old man for evening drinks this week at an inner city bar, everything seemed to be going genuinely well, with strong eye-contact, good conversation and even better wine.
But when the bar called last drinks and the date came to an end, he abruptly pulled out his phone, ordered himself an Uber, and completely checked out.
I stood there quietly for several moments before he eventually looked up, muttered: “Well, see ya!” while sheepishly evading eye contact.
I was genuinely shocked. There was zero acknowledgment of the hours we had just spent opening up, sharing our lives, and connecting.
Worse yet, he had absolutely no regard for how I was getting home safely.
It was around 11pm, the street was dimly lit, and there was barely anyone around.
As women, we are hardwired to ask our female friends how they’re getting home after a night out, and request they text when they’re home safe.
It took a lot for me to eventually speak up and ask, “Are you going to check how I’m getting home?”
He bluntly responded: “Well, you live close by, so I just figured you knew the area well.”
In major metropolitan centres like Sydney and Melbourne, research shows that nearly 90 per cent of young women feel unsafe walking alone after dark, and more than 60 per cent report experiencing some form of street harassment, following, or threatening behaviour in public spaces.
Because of this, a staggering number of women actively change their behaviour at night – taking longer routes, clutching their keys, or keeping one headphone out just to navigate their own neighbourhoods.
Dating expert Sera Bozza says it’s bare minimum and “common courtesy” to ask how someone is getting home at the end of a date, especially late at night.
“I think it’s chivalrous for a man to offer to wait with his date until her Uber arrives, or walk her somewhere she feels comfortable to get home,” she said.
“I encourage all my male clients to do this. Even something as simple as ‘Let me know when you get home safely’ or a follow-up ‘Home safe?’ goes a long way.”
Beyond basic safety, Ms Bozza argues that the way a date ends is just as important as the beginning.
“The goodbye matters. You can undo a lot of goodwill in the final 30 seconds,” she explained. “It’s a bit like going to the movies. You can enjoy the first 90 minutes, but if the ending is terrible, that’s all you’ll be talking about when you leave the cinema.”
A simple ‘Thanks so much for tonight, I enjoyed meeting you’ are ‘bare minimum’ manners, even if the romantic chemistry wasn’t there, she added.
“You don’t suddenly get to forget your manners because you’ve decided there’s no second date.”
When it comes to letting someone down, the expert believes there’s definitely a kind way to do it.
“I’d definitely discourage shutting down all communication the moment you decide there’s no romantic connection, hoping they’ll ‘get the hint’,” Ms Bozza shared.
“Suddenly giving one-word answers or avoiding eye contact is pretty unpleasant for the person on the receiving end. It’s also a rather immature way of handling an adult interaction.”
Instead, she recommends ending the evening with a smile and sending a polite message afterwards thanking them for their time, gently sharing that you didn’t feel a romantic connection, and wishing them the best.
“Being honest about your feelings doesn’t have to end in making someone feel like sh*t.”