{"id":101908,"date":"2025-08-28T10:15:07","date_gmt":"2025-08-28T10:15:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/101908\/"},"modified":"2025-08-28T10:15:07","modified_gmt":"2025-08-28T10:15:07","slug":"my-estranged-husband-sold-our-house-out-from-under-me-now-i-want-to-make-sure-he-cant-get-any-of-my-inheritance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/101908\/","title":{"rendered":"My estranged husband sold our house out from under me. Now I want to make sure he can’t get any of my inheritance."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

I have a somewhat complicated financial situation. I\u2019m 62, estranged from my husband, and about to inherit some money. My husband and I always kept our finances separate. He got into debt, sold the house he inherited and that we lived in for 30 years, changed the locks, and kept all of the money. I was in the middle of a health crisis, and when the dust settled, I\u2019ve been living in an affordable studio and living within my means. A second cousin died, and my share of the inheritance is said to be $500,000 for a conservative estimate.<\/p>\n

I have several questions. Part of the estate is a home with lead paint and asbestos. I live in an area that typically ranks between second and third most expensive in the country. When I asked about potentially buying the house out from the others, my brother-in-law suggested buying a condo instead due to the huge amount of work and expense to get the home habitable. I do want a home. But when I look at condos, and the estate won\u2019t settle for nine months, the monthly condo fees are as much as the rent that I\u2019m paying now. That seems crazy to me.<\/p>\n

I freelance, and the market has been slowing down. It\u2019s clear that the country is heading into a recession, given that many of my clients are experiencing layoffs. One of my clients mentioned that with over $700,000 in investments, the money just keeps accumulating, and one can live off the interest. Am I better off living frugally and investing all my funds, or should I buy a home\/condo? I never liked the home I lived in while married because my husband never allowed for any updates or changes. The layout was horrible. But I\u2019m also in my 60s, living in a studio, and I would like to experience living somewhere that makes me happy.<\/p>\n

I want to keep the money out of my husband\u2019s control or access. He moved to the opposite coast, and we haven\u2019t spoken in three years. I don\u2019t know much about financial issues, but I have never liked the stock market and would never want to invest there. I\u2019m not a fan of capitalism. All of my retirement funds were spent when I was seriously ill and had to scramble to find a place to live. How do I start to make decisions? I have some time before I get the inheritance, and I would like to educate myself and be ready when that happens.<\/p>\n

\u2014Too Old to Be This Uncertain<\/p>\n

Dear Too Old,<\/p>\n

Money is complicated, and you\u2019re never too old to learn. Plus, it sounds like you\u2019ve been through the wringer and you\u2019re still standing, which says a lot. So where do you go from here?<\/p>\n

Firstly, you need to protect that inheritance. Since you\u2019re estranged, depending on your state, that money could potentially be considered marital property. Talk to a family law attorney as soon as you can\u2014most of them offer free consultations, so you could even present the situation to them to see what they think. They might suggest you file for legal separation or divorce to protect your funds. I\u2019m not a lawyer, so I don\u2019t know what the details are here, but the point is, get this sorted as soon as you can.<\/p>\n

Your brother-in-law is probably right about that lead paint nightmare, but you don\u2019t have to write off homeownership entirely. Yes, condo fees are expensive, but they\u2019re covering maintenance, insurance, sometimes utilities, and other expenses involved with owning a home. Sometimes those fees aren\u2019t as crazy as they seem. Without knowing your full financial picture, I can\u2019t say whether or not homeownership is the right next step for you, but a financial planner<\/a> can help with that, and with that much money coming your way, it\u2019s crucial that you talk to one. Here\u2019s a primer<\/a> on how to find one.<\/p>\n

With that in mind, I\u2019d like to address your issue with investing, because a financial planner will most definitely want to talk to you about it. I get that you\u2019re anti-capitalist and therefore anti-stock market, and I\u2019m not asking you to go against your values, but I do want to put socially responsible investing on your radar. These days, there are more ethical investing options for people who don\u2019t want to support companies that go against their values\u00a0 \u2014 there are even SRI financial planners that you can meet with to help you get started. Here\u2019s a primer<\/a> on all of that, too.<\/p>\n

What you\u2019re really asking, though, is how to get financially savvy in the next few months, and that\u2019s totally doable. There are entire books written on the basics of money management (I wrote one myself<\/a>), and I\u2019d recommend picking one up. For practical financial steps, I\u2019m a fan of I Will Teach You To Be Rich<\/a>, and for socially responsible investing advice, I think you\u2019d appreciate Amanda Holden<\/a>, who also has an upcoming book on this very topic, How to Be a Rich Old Lady<\/a>.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve got a good chunk of time before the money arrives, so use it wisely\u2014get educated, get legal protection, and get excited about finally having some real financial choices.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt, <\/p>\n

I\u2019m a millennial woman living in a major US city. My family lives in another major US city, in a more competitive housing market. I\u2019m very close to my Grandma, who took care of me when my parents couldn\u2019t. She is 80 years old and owns a one-bedroom condominium on the water. It could use some repairs, but nevertheless, it has garnered much interest from prospective buyers. But she does not wish to sell it, and she says that I am designated to inherit the condo in her will. I presumably have no say in that until she passes.<\/p>\n

Enter my father, who recently moved in with her after he lost work and could no longer afford to rent an apartment. He keeps talking about selling Grandma\u2019s condo this year so that he can buy a home in a cheaper place, and assumes that taking care of her means he\u2019s entitled to her property. He can\u2019t legally do that, can he? It makes my Grandma upset whenever he talks about it, but she\u2019s in poor health now, and I worry he\u2019ll bully her into it. How do I go about asking to see the will and protecting my Grandma\u2019s assets?<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u2014Grandma\u2019s Girl<\/p>\n

Dear Grandma\u2019s Girl,<\/p>\n

These kinds of family situations\u2014involving money, property, and caregiving\u2014are always emotionally charged (and legally complicated), but it\u2019s fair to be concerned about your grandmother\u2019s well-being.
From a legal standpoint, no, your father can\u2019t sell your grandmother\u2019s property without her explicit consent, regardless of his living situation or caregiving role\u2014which, I will say, is probably a lot more work than people realize. The only way your father would have any control over this is if your grandmother becomes legally incapacitated (in other words, a court has determined she can\u2019t make sound decisions about her own affairs due to mental or physical impairment) and he\u2019s granted power of attorney, or if she willingly transfers ownership to him.<\/p>\n

Emotionally, I can see how this situation might feel complicated from everyone\u2019s perspective. Your father might be under a lot of financial stress. Losing his job and having to move in with his mother at this stage of life probably feels pretty hectic and unstable. He may genuinely believe that selling and moving somewhere more affordable would be better for everyone, especially if your grandmother\u2019s health is declining and the condo needs repairs. He might see this as a practical problem-solving move rather than taking advantage of an aging parent.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Help! My Family Has a \u201cBrilliant\u201d Plan for My Niece\u2019s College Housing. And It Somehow Involves Me.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Help! I Want to Carry on a Sweet Family Tradition. But My Sister-in-Law Says It\u2019s Unhealthy.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Husband Sold Our House Behind My Back and Kept Every Dime. Well, Now It\u2019s My Turn to Cut Him Off.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Help! I Met Up With My Online Friends in Person. What I Did Next Ruined Everything.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

At the same time, if your grandmother has clearly expressed that she doesn\u2019t want to sell, and if these conversations are upsetting her, that\u2019s concerning regardless of anyone\u2019s intentions. Even well-meaning pressure can feel coercive, especially when someone is elderly and in poor health. Elder financial abuse often involves this exact kind of pressure and manipulation, especially from family members acting as caregivers. And the fact that it\u2019s upsetting your grandmother is a red flag.<\/p>\n

Could you suggest that all three of you meet with a financial planner who specializes in elder law? They could help you see whether there are solutions that address your father\u2019s financial concerns while respecting your grandmother\u2019s wishes to keep her home. Sometimes having a neutral third party walk through the numbers can take some of the emotion out of these conversations and help everyone see what options are actually out there.<\/p>\n

Mostly, though, focus on what\u2019s best for your grandmother right now rather than future inheritance questions. If you\u2019re truly worried about the pressure, connecting her with an elder law attorney might help her understand all her options and clarify her own wishes. Ultimately, the goal here should be to support her autonomy and make sure any decisions reflect what she actually wants, not what everyone else thinks is best for her.<\/p>\n

\u2014Kristin<\/p>\n

More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

My mother-in-law is in her late 60s and has well more than $100,000 in student loan debt that she has no plan to pay back. In fact, she\u2019s told my husband and me repeatedly that her plan is to go to school until she drops dead to avoid repaying! She has two master\u2019s degrees and is now applying for a Ph.D. program in a social science field where, even if she got a pay raise, she\u2019d have no hope of making enough to pay her loans. I would (obviously) rather she at least considers paying her loans, but I also think student loans are predatory at best, so it\u2019s not a battle I\u2019m willing to have with her\u2014unless we\u2019ll be on the hook for her bad behavior after her death.<\/a><\/p>\n

The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":101909,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[8786,64,63,99,186,184,185,3637],"class_list":{"0":"post-101908","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-au","10":"tag-australia","11":"tag-business","12":"tag-finance","13":"tag-personal-finance","14":"tag-personalfinance","15":"tag-relationships"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101908","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=101908"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101908\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/101909"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=101908"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=101908"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=101908"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}