{"id":140728,"date":"2025-09-13T18:04:27","date_gmt":"2025-09-13T18:04:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/140728\/"},"modified":"2025-09-13T18:04:27","modified_gmt":"2025-09-13T18:04:27","slug":"the-family-lake-house-is-technically-mine-but-if-i-sell-it-my-sisters-want-a-cut-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/140728\/","title":{"rendered":"The family lake house is technically mine. But if I sell it, my sisters want a cut. Help!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years\u2014so we\u2019re diving into the Pay Dirt archives to share classic letters with our readers.\u00a0Submit your own questions about money here<\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

My father and his (childless) brother inherited their father\u2019s lake house in 1962. On my father\u2019s death in 1997, he gave me his half of the house, indicating that he hoped I would share its use with my three sisters but placing no limits on what I chose to do with it. When my father\u2019s brother died, his half of the house was in a trust, which allowed me to buy that half if I wished. I did, and the money I paid for it went to my sisters, along with five other beneficiaries. One sister was adamant that I sell the house at that time, although she and her husband are well off, and hasn\u2019t spoken to me since.<\/p>\n

I have been responsible for upkeep on the house since my father\u2019s death, with little help lately from my sisters or their now-grown children, although they have used it and I have honored my father\u2019s wish that I share its use with them. I have rented it in the summer to pay expenses. It breaks even in large part because my friends and I do the considerable physical labor that is required, as the house is 90 years old and situated on four acres of woods. While they were frequent visitors until I bought my uncle\u2019s half of the house, my sisters no longer visit it, nor do their children.<\/p>\n

Now my sisters say that if I should need to sell it as I get older and am no longer able to continue the physical labor required for its upkeep, they expect me to give them \u201ctheir part\u201d of the money that represents our dad\u2019s half, or at least leave it to one of their children, claiming that although he gave it to me, he intended it for all of us. (I am single and have no children.)<\/p>\n

I know I have the legal right to keep all the money if I sell it or to give it to one of the friends who have helped me so much, but I\u2019m worried about the ethics and what\u2019s reasonable, given the work I\u2019ve done to maintain it and my sisters\u2019 minimal contribution in the last years. Certainly, it would cause a family break if I kept all the money, but issues related to the house over the last 25 years have caused permanent rifts that I\u2019m not particularly interested in repairing, to be honest. What\u2019s your advice?<\/p>\n

\u2014It\u2019s Been Years of Clearing Brush<\/p>\n

Dear Brush-Clearer,<\/p>\n

The question I pose to you is this: If your family already doesn\u2019t talk to you, why would you pay them money to change their minds?<\/p>\n

Your uncle and father had a fair arrangement, and it sounds like when your father passed, he had a feeling you\u2019d be the one to maintain it. This is probably why he said you could split the proceeds of the cabin if you sold\u2014but\u00a0you didn\u2019t have to. He left it in your name, and your name alone, for a reason. Your uncle also allowed you to buy his share, so you didn\u2019t have to part with the cabin, and his beneficiaries could still, well, benefit. There is a reason you\u2019ve been able to maintain this connection to your dad. Don\u2019t give it away.<\/p>\n

You can hire help if you want to keep the property arrangement you currently have, or if you want to sell it, the real estate market is hot right now. Whatever you decide to do,\u00a0don\u2019t leave it to your family<\/a>, who clearly don\u2019t respect you. Make sure you meet with an estate attorney who can help ensure all of your affairs are in order. And if your family bugs you again, tell them you plan on dying there. Well, maybe don\u2019t go that far\u2014but that will certainly shut them up, that\u2019s for sure!<\/p>\n

\u2014Athena Valentine<\/p>\n

From: We Have a Sweet Income Stream, Thanks to My Parents\u2014but It\u2019s Built on a Lie.<\/a> (January 18th, 2022.) <\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

A few years prior to meeting my partner, his parents had purchased a home for him in hopes that he would be able to strengthen his income and purchase the house from them. I moved in with him during our relationship. It was communicated to us repeatedly that he (and later his parents often used the term \u201cwe\u201d) would purchase the home. I had some hesitation about putting money into a home that I wasn\u2019t entirely sure was mine, but I was assured repeatedly by him (and them) that the plan remained the same.<\/p>\n

When we were engaged to be married, we sat down to discuss purchasing the home together from his parents. Boy, was I surprised. Not only did they not want to sell him the home, but they did not want me to have any part in the ownership of the home. They had it deeded to him upon their death. Do we abandon all the money we put into the house and buy elsewhere? We would love to strengthen our credit and be free from their grip, but I feel equally torn to see him throw away 10-plus years of money and work, and our area is really expensive.<\/p>\n

\u2014Parental Renters<\/p>\n

Dear Parental Renters,<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Siblings Are Feuding Over the Family Lake House. I\u2019m About to Make Things Even Worse.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I Asked My Husband to Promise Me He Wouldn\u2019t Hit Our Future Kids. His Answer Gave Me Chills.
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\n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

My Family Told Me My Hearing Was Failing. The Truth Was Way More Embarrassing.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I Accidentally Spied on My Ex\u2019s New Sex Life. It\u2019s Not What I Expected.
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I think your husband needs to communicate to his parents that where he lives and who he lives with isn\u2019t really their decision to make. They presumably will not be living in this house, but he (and you) will if you choose to stay. And if you decide to move, it\u2019s completely reasonable to ask them to reimburse you for some of the money you\u2019ve put into the house, since they\u2019ve reneged on their promise.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also unclear from your letter whether your husband even wanted this house. When you say \u201cwe\u201d would love to \u201cbe free from their grip,\u201d I assume that means he resents the situation as well. So it may make sense to think of the money you\u2019ve already put into the house as a sunk cost. Your existing investment will not make you enjoy the house more in the future or solve the problem of your in-laws trying to control how you choose to share your assets. If you really loved the house, I think it would be worth trying to work something out with them, but it doesn\u2019t sound like that\u2019s the case. I think you should start clean, and look for a place you and your husband will both love and can co-own, together.<\/p>\n

\u2014Elizabeth Spiers<\/p>\n

From: I Was Stunned To Learn The Truth About The Finances I Share With My Husband<\/a>. (August 4th, 2021).<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Doree Shafrir
\n I\u2019m on a Leave of Absence from Work for a Very Personal Reason. I Think My Company is About to Use it Against Me.
\n Read More\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

I was asked to observe a card game between my niece and her mother, and my niece seemed unusually nervous throughout. Afterward, I learned that the game was to decide whether she would have to pay rent to live at home! She was offered a certain rate, or she could make it double or nothing by playing this game. On the positive side, she won, but I can\u2019t get over what a strange thing this was to do, or what lesson she might take from this. My brother said this wasn\u2019t his idea, and I\u2019m hesitant to talk to my sister-in-law about this. I do want to talk to my niece. I almost feel like I should offer to let her live with me if there is a problem, but I\u2019m not sure how that would work out. I definitely want to caution her against gambling.<\/a><\/p>\n

The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years\u2014so we\u2019re diving into the Pay Dirt archives to…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":140729,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[8786,64,63,99,2582,186,184,185],"class_list":{"0":"post-140728","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-au","10":"tag-australia","11":"tag-business","12":"tag-family","13":"tag-finance","14":"tag-personal-finance","15":"tag-personalfinance"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140728","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=140728"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140728\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/140729"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=140728"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=140728"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=140728"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}