{"id":167579,"date":"2025-09-25T07:11:08","date_gmt":"2025-09-25T07:11:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/167579\/"},"modified":"2025-09-25T07:11:08","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T07:11:08","slug":"i-didnt-get-empathy-from-borthwick-ben-youngs-on-family-trauma-and-why-he-rates-eddie-jones-rugby-union","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/167579\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018I didn\u2019t get empathy from Borthwick\u2019: Ben Youngs on family trauma and why he rates Eddie Jones | Rugby union"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cI found it hard, I really did,\u201d Ben Youngs says as he explains why it was once so difficult to embrace his achievement of playing more times for England than any other men\u2019s rugby player. Youngs won 127 caps<\/a> and featured in four World Cups, but he used to look down at the ground whenever his longevity was mentioned.<\/p>\n

Youngs retired from international rugby at the end of 2023, and played his last game for Leicester in the Premiership final in June<\/a>, and so he can now give public voice to the trauma he carried for so long. While his sister-in-law Tiffany suffered for years with blood cancer, and his brother-in-law Jake endured motor neurone disease, Youngs played for England. He often felt as if he was putting himself ahead of everyone else while his brother and sister lost their partners to terminal illness.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt went on for a very long time,\u201d he says, \u201cand it\u2019s all connected with trying to put on a brave face and play for 80 minutes while everyone forgets and, then, once the game\u2019s finished, you\u2019re checking in: \u2018How is he? How is she?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Why would Youngs look ashamed whenever he was praised? \u201cIt was definitely the guilt. People are patting you on the back and telling you how great you are. And you\u2019re thinking: \u2018But I don\u2019t feel that.\u2019 Ultimately the bit that kept me going was that I had to do it for them. My obligation was: go out, play, let them forget about what\u2019s going on for 80 minutes and bring some joy. But you become guilty because on the outside you\u2019re suddenly beating Jason Leonard\u2019s record [of 114 England Test caps] and it\u2019s all smoke and mirrors.\u201d<\/p>\n

In his moving new book<\/a>, Youngs describes how the dam finally broke when Steve Borthwick left him out of the matchday squad for England\u2019s opening match of the 2023 World Cup. Stunned by his omission, Youngs broke down with the England psychologist, David Priestley. \u201cI was sobbing uncontrollably,\u201d he says. \u201cCrying, crying and crying some more. It felt like I was never going to stop.\u201d<\/p>\n

Youngs has reconciled his inner conflict: \u201cI\u2019m grateful David was there because if I had not spoken to him then I could have easily become very resentful towards rugby and people within the game. But it gave me a bit of clarity and peace that, actually, what I did was all right. You shouldn\u2019t feel guilty.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben Youngs says he felt \u2018guilt\u2019 at continuing to play rugby while his brother Tom\u2019s wife, Tiffany, suffered from cancer. Photograph: David Davies\/PA Archive\/PA Images<\/p>\n

These revelations are matched by the candour of Youngs\u2019s assessment of various coaches. He addresses the apparent shortcomings of Borthwick, Stuart Lancaster<\/a> and Warren Gatland in bracing detail and his criticism sounds even more credible when it is balanced by the admiration Youngs expresses for other aspects of their work.<\/p>\n

Borthwick\u2019s perceived lack of empathy is the most damning accusation. When Borthwick, having been Eddie Jones\u2019s assistant at England, coached Leicester, Youngs writes: \u201cI met Eddie for a coffee. He wanted to talk about how things were for Tiff and [Youngs\u2019s brother] Tom and whether he could do anything to help. He wanted to know how I was doing emotionally. It was strange that my club coach, who I saw every day, never asked the same question. Unbelievable, actually. What sort of man management was that? What sort of basic human decency, even? I guess if it wasn\u2019t written on a data sheet, Steve didn\u2019t compute.\u201d<\/p>\n

Youngs is dubious of the \u201cone-dimensional rugby\u201d they played at Leicester<\/a>, but he still praises Borthwick as \u201ca very good coach. You certainly don\u2019t go into a game in any grey area. You know what your job is and what the gameplan is, and he\u2019s very thorough.\u201d<\/p>\n

Borthwick sometimes consigned Youngs to the bench for key games with Leicester . \u201cThere were obviously aspects of my game he wasn\u2019t a fan of. I never got to the bottom of it because he\u2019s not someone you could sit down and go: \u2018What do I need to do?\u2019 You don\u2019t get that empathy, that dialogue.\u201d<\/p>\n

Does Borthwick have realistic hopes of forging a squad good enough to win the World Cup in 2027? \u201cI think he has, yes. When you get the right people around him it\u2019s possible. That\u2019s the key with any coaching group.<\/p>\n

Youngs says England have a realistic hope of winning the 2027 World Cup. Photograph: Tom Jenkins\/The Guardian<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were so successful between 2016 and 2020 because Eddie had great coaches [including Borthwick] in and around him. If they can get the balance within the coaching group right for 2027, England have a great chance.\u201d<\/p>\n

Youngs adds that \u201cLee Blackett [the former Wasps director of rugby] coming in as attack coach<\/a> will be a great addition. And on the back of the last two Six Nations games and the Argentina tour you have a really positive team. So they can be very good in 2027.\u201d<\/p>\n

The communication and managerial skills of a head coach remain vital. Youngs describes the supposed lack of these attributes in Lancaster during England\u2019s disastrous home World Cup in 2015. He acknowledges that Lancaster was still at a formative stage of his career, and he has since accumulated far more experience in Ireland and France, but he is withering in assessing the coach\u2019s work with England. Youngs suggests that Lancaster seemed fearful of the media and, under him, \u201cplaying for England felt like being back at school\u201d.<\/p>\n

Young is even more blunt when stressing how Lancaster failed to engage with his squad when he was needed most. After England were destroyed 30-3 by Wales in a grand slam decider in 2013, \u201cthe dressing room was a truly dark place. We were stunned \u2026 Lanny said nothing after that game. That was a dereliction of duty.\u201d<\/p>\n

Similarly, after England lost to Wales in the World Cup at home, \u201cwe were let down again afterwards by Lanny. He didn\u2019t address the team in the dressing room, when we really needed him to, or on the bus. There was nothing from him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Youngs found that same lack of communication in Gatland during the Lions\u2019 winning series in Australia in 2013. \u201cThere was this perception of Gats as some sort of coaching genius after all the success he had enjoyed with Wales, but if I\u2019m honest I didn\u2019t see it. He didn\u2019t say much, he didn\u2019t get to know you.\u201d<\/p>\n

The 36-year-old laughs when I say it looks as if I am lining up his former coaches in a row to be shot down. The more nuanced truth is that he finds positives even in those coaches with whom he didn\u2019t gel. \u201cGats\u2019s strengths are probably more around being a selector not a tactical coach,\u201d Youngs says. \u201cHe\u2019s not even a coach. His strength is selection and making those big calls and being very bold. It\u2019s just very hard to build up any rapport with him because he\u2019s very quiet. Some would say shy. I don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Jones, in contrast, made him feel \u201clike a world-beater\u201d and created the 2019 World Cup squad that Youngs says was the most \u201cconnected\u201d group in his 13-year international career. For Youngs, adroit man-management \u201cis everything. The best coaches I responded to were the people able to give you the gameplan \u2013 and as a half-back you need that \u2013 but also the connection and human aspect.<\/p>\n

Ben Youngs says Eddie Jones made him feel like a \u2018world-beater\u2019. Photograph: Paul Childs\/PA<\/p>\n

\u201cI always responded better to Eddie, John Mitchell [the former England assistant coach who now leads the Red Roses] and Michael Cheika [who coached Leicester last season].\u201d<\/p>\n

Jones was often \u201cbrutal\u201d towards other players and coaches but, for Youngs, \u201che invested in me to make me better. With Steve, it\u2019s straight to rugby-data, what do we need, XYZ, to win. With Eddie it\u2019s the same, but, before that, there\u2019s a genuine engagement of: \u2018What\u2019s going on? How\u2019s the family?\u2019 That interaction really helped me.\u201d<\/p>\n

The 2019 World Cup final<\/a>, which England lost to South Africa, is the one game that haunts Youngs. He also admits Jones lost his way in subsequent years. \u201cPeople forget that we won the Six Nations in 2020 but the biggest downfall is that all the other coaches moved on. Eddie was never able to entice the same calibre of coaches and the balance was lost. He was very good with me, but I wasn\u2019t naive. I saw how he would ride his staff very hard. That\u2019s not right at times.<\/p>\n

\u201cEddie couldn\u2019t get the first-, second-, third- or fourth-best choice coach alongside him. So you suddenly got fifth or sixth choice and then the dynamics and balance are off. I don\u2019t think he ever recovered from that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Youngs seems rejuvenated in retirement. He has found huge pleasure in the Women\u2019s World Cup and will be at the final between England and Canada<\/a> on Saturday. \u201cThe whole tournament has been brilliant. It\u2019s shown everyone that there\u2019s a huge appetite for women\u2019s rugby. It\u2019s incredibly entertaining. But once that final whistle goes on Saturday what\u2019s the plan going forward \u2013 not just for the Red Roses but for all the other nations.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe need more professional teams and we shouldn\u2019t be in a situation in four years with the finalists needing to crowdfund their World Cup campaign, as Canada have done. It\u2019s a wonderful, amazing story, but if it happens again then rugby\u2019s failed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben Youngs made his 127th and final appearance for England against Argentina at the 2023 World Cup. Photograph: Tom Jenkins\/The Guardian<\/p>\n

In his book Youngs offers an eight-point plan to make rugby more appealing to a new generation. His suggestions include reducing teams to 14 players, doing away with half-time, curbing the impact of kicking and playing the game as much as possible in the summer months of the northern hemisphere. Youngs admits there are so many difficulties in aligning the global calendar, but he hopes, at the very least, there will be restrictions in the use of substitutes so that natural fatigue opens up space for more expansive rugby.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, rugby will rely on the warmth and honesty of its best characters \u2013 such as Youngs and Dan Cole, his friend and former teammate. Their For the Love of Rugby podcast<\/a> has been a great success \u2013 epitomised by the 45 minutes where, after they lost the Premiership final against Bath, in their last match before retirement, they recorded a raw, painful yet funny episode the following day.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho knew that Coley had a personality?\u201d Youngs says, joking. \u201cSome people are in shock. For so long they\u2019ve seen him run around the pitch, growling and berating the ref and now all of a sudden they get to know him. The podcast title says it all \u2013 I love the game. It\u2019s shaped the person I am today, and to be able to talk about it has been great fun. The art\u2019s in the editing, because we waffle and talk bollocks. Me and Coley are like two has-beens that sit in a pub, having a pint and telling everyone that we used to be able to move.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course there are so many layers, and so much more depth, to Youngs and he pauses when I ask if, after the past turmoil, he has finally been able to feel proud of his record as England\u2019s most-capped rugby player. \u201cYes,\u201d he says with a wry smile. \u201cI\u2019m getting there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Beyond the Line by Ben Youngs is published by Pan Macmillan, priced \u00a325. To support the Guardian, order your copy at guardianbookshop.com<\/a>. Delivery charges may apply.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u201cI found it hard, I really did,\u201d Ben Youngs says as he explains why it was once so…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":167580,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[567],"tags":[64,63,760,85],"class_list":["post-167579","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-rugby","tag-au","tag-australia","tag-rugby","tag-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167579","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=167579"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167579\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/167580"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=167579"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=167579"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=167579"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}