If you’re experiencing a separation after spending decades with your partner or spouse, you are not alone.<\/p>\n
“Silver splitting” or “grey divorce” is on the rise in Australia, according to psychologist and university lecturer Rachael Sharman.<\/p>\n
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Nicole Kidman has filed for divorce from Keith Urban after 19 years of marriage. (AP: Jordan Strauss\/Invision)<\/p>\n
“And their demographic is becoming more common,” she says.<\/p>\n
Aussie A-listers have Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have separated<\/a>, with the actress filing for divorce<\/a> after 19 years of marriage to the country singer.<\/p>\n We spoke with experts about how you can navigate this difficult time both personally and professionally.<\/p>\n What is separation and how is it different to divorce?<\/p>\n In Australian family law, separation refers to the situation where a couple, whether married or in a de facto relationship, decides to end their relationship and live apart.<\/p>\n “Separation occurs when at least one person in the relationship makes the decision to separate, acts on that decision and tells the other person,” Legal Aid Queensland says.<\/p>\n “Your partner doesn’t have to agree.<\/p>\n “You can be separated and still be living in the same home.”<\/p>\n Divorce is the formal process of officially ending a legal marriage, which starts with an application for divorce.<\/p>\n There is no formal legal process required for separation, but experts say it is essential to note the date of separation as it has implications for divorce, property settlements, and financial matters.<\/p>\n Seeking out the right supports<\/p>\n Dr Sharman, from the University of the Sunshine Coast, on Kabi Kabi Country, recommends people seek financial guidance<\/a> and a professional mediator to help them navigate the separation process, especially if there are children, shared assets and finances involved.<\/p>\n “I think the support that I see people lacking in is financial, particularly if you’ve not been the person to manage finances,” she says.<\/p>\n Dr Sharman says screen time increased across the world during the pandemic. (Supplied:\u00a0Rachael Sharman)<\/p>\n “Rather than necessarily racing off to the psychologist, I would probably suggest people head off to a financial planner and figure out exactly how are you going to live single.”<\/p>\n She says a low or no-cost mediator, through Relationships Australia for example, can be a useful for navigating financial, property and parenting agreements.<\/p>\n “So, mediation will really help the separating couple come to a reasonable agreement over how you want to manage this and the separation of property, without involving the lawyers.”<\/p>\n Family law expert Geoffrey Sinclair says there are a few key things people should consider <\/a>after a separation, including their capacity to borrow money.<\/p>\n “That’s something that people don’t really think about, particularly in circumstances where they’ve been able to borrow all their life,” he says.<\/p>\n “As they get older, it gets harder to get money.”<\/p>\n Separation could also affect superannuation, the terms of a will and enduring power of attorney, including decisions about health care.<\/p>\n How to navigate telling family and friends<\/p>\n In a separation that follows drifting apart or falling out of love \u2014 as distinct from a separation involving violence or abuse, which this article doesn’t discuss \u2014 it’s normal for people to feel shame or embarrassment.<\/p>\n Melbourne\/Naarm psychologist Juniper Muller, who works with LGBTQIA+ clients, encourages people to lean on their supports when they’re going through a break-up \u2014 and to get in early.<\/p>\n “Sometimes you want to keep it really private,” she says.<\/p>\n “But in fact, often that just isolates you and makes you feel really alone.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n