{"id":184291,"date":"2025-10-02T05:25:11","date_gmt":"2025-10-02T05:25:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/184291\/"},"modified":"2025-10-02T05:25:11","modified_gmt":"2025-10-02T05:25:11","slug":"i-work-hard-to-provide-for-my-wife-shes-never-satisfied-and-i-think-its-a-tv-shows-fault","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/184291\/","title":{"rendered":"I work hard to provide for my wife. She’s never satisfied, and I think it’s a TV show’s fault."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

My wife and I aren\u2019t rich by any means but we have a good life. We have a paid-off house and three healthy, happy boys. But ever since our youngest started school last year, my wife has become obsessed with watching a certain type ofTV show\u2014and it\u2019s ruining her life, and mine.<\/p>\n

She will watch hours and hours of home decorating and renovation shows and continue to scroll on her phone way past our bedtime. It makes her depressed and she continues to complain about the look of our house and how ugly and out-dated it is. I tried to be supportive like repainting the kitchen and our bedroom or getting new covers for our furniture, but it only makes her happy for a moment. Then she is back to complaining and wanting projects that cost too much.<\/p>\n

I make a good living but we are on one income. Our emergency funds are for fixing the truck or repairing the pipes, not adding on a mudroom or walk-in shower. It really hurts me when my wife acts like our lives are somehow horrible and that I am failing as a provider. I tell that to her and she says that isn\u2019t what she means. For her birthday, I found a fire pit on sale and my buddies helped me expand and spruce up our patio with some free bricks we found at a construction site. I added fairy lights and new flower beds. My wife always talked about having a better outside area to entertain and I thought I pulled it off. She was very surprised and happy\u2014for about three days. Then the complaints came rolling in.<\/p>\n

I finally had enough and we had a huge fight. I told my wife most women would kill be in her place and living her life. But even if we won the lottery and went to live in Beverly Hills, it wouldn\u2019t be enough for her. Nothing ever is. I ended up leaving to spend the night with a friend because I was this close to telling my wife to leave if she was that unhappy in our marriage.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what to do here. I love my wife, but her unhappiness with everything is hurting us.\u00a0I tried every method I could think of: encouraging her to look for a part time job or volunteer work or taking up an active hobby, but nothing sticks. Counseling is out of our price range. What is left? Even if I got rid of the TV, she would still scroll on her phone.<\/p>\n

\u2014House Sad<\/p>\n

Dear House Sad,\u00a0<\/p>\n

Like a lot of us, it sounds like your wife is hooked on aspirational lifestyle content. It can be fun to zone out and dream about a more aesthetically pleasing life, but it can quickly lead to feeling like your own life just isn\u2019t good enough. It sells the illusion of having it altogether, and if you\u2019re already dissatisfied with something, that illusion can highlight your dissatisfaction and make you feel like the solution to your problem is a perfectly decorated living room or brand new granite countertops\u2014or a fancy new fire pit.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the consumer trap in a nutshell, and considering this has become such a sticky issue for your family, it sounds like that might be what\u2019s going on with your wife. Clearly, these shows are hitting on something else, and, ideally, the two of you could get to the bottom of it together. You mentioned therapy is out of the budget, so the key is to have an open-minded conversation with her about your concerns. Talk to her about the issue in a way that doesn\u2019t feel condescending (\u201cyou\u2019re obsessed\u201d), belittling (\u201cnothing is ever enough for you\u201d), or contemptuous (\u201cmost women would kill to be in your place.\u201d) I know this might be hard to do because you have your feelings, too, and I can see how this would make you feel the way it does. But think of this issue as something that you both need to solve to save the relationship\u2014not a problem she\u2019s creating to destroy the family.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a saying: It\u2019s not you versus me, it\u2019s us versus the problem. That\u2019s your mantra, and that\u2019s likely the fundamental lesson you would learn in therapy. How do you do this? Many therapists suggest using \u201cI\u201d statements. So instead of \u201cYour behavior is making me feel X,\u201d you would tell your wife, \u201cI feel inadequate and hurt by this whole situation.\u201d Or \u201cI feel disconnected and it seems like we\u2019re chasing perfection.\u201d You can follow it up with something like, \u201cI want to understand what the goal is, and how you\u2019re feeling about all of this.\u201d The key is to ask her questions in a non-judgemental and genuinely curious way so the two of you can get to the bottom of this. \u201cWhat do you think our home is missing right now?\u201d or \u201cWhat part of this feels important to you?\u201d might open that door.<\/p>\n

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If there\u2019s nothing deeper going on here and she truly just wants to make some changes to your home, maybe the two of you can agree to a \u201chome improvement\u201d budget. Come up with one or two projects you want to take on, then save into the account every month until you get there. This could give you something to look forward to and work toward together. Try making it a SMART<\/a> goal so that you actually stick to it.<\/p>\n

Also, she might get more enjoyment out of content that isn\u2019t so heavy on consumerism and that\u2019s more inspirational rather than just aspirational. There\u2019s The Minimal Mom<\/a>, Zero Waste Home,<\/a> Peppercorn Place<\/a>, and Restyle Living<\/a>, just to name a few. Could you gently suggest some of these? You don\u2019t want to present them as a criticism, maybe just as a suggestion of other types of content you\u2019ve come across.<\/p>\n

But mostly, it sounds like the two of you need to have a more serious conversation. Especially if this issue came on suddenly, there\u2019s a good chance she\u2019s hooked on these shows because it\u2019s triggering something deeper: a change, a longing for control, or even a sense of safety in a world that feels chaotic. Find a time to talk, make \u201cus versus the problem\u201d your new mantra, and get to the bottom of it.<\/p>\n

\u2014Kristin<\/p>\n

More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

I have a friend who\u2019s always been a little cheap with shared checks. If I throw my card down for ease and let people Venmo me, he\u2019ll pay me, like, a conservative estimate of his portion (often short of the real total) and also not take tax or tip into account. I always kind of forget about this until he does it again. A few months ago, he estimated $25 when he owed me $40, and I was like, \u201cBro,\u201d and he seemed perplexed and gave me the $40. I tell you all this because on our last hangout, it was just us, and through other conversation about COVID and his current joblessness, he reluctantly revealed he is an heir to one of the biggest family fortunes in America.<\/a><\/p>\n

The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n