{"id":198757,"date":"2025-10-08T21:45:10","date_gmt":"2025-10-08T21:45:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/198757\/"},"modified":"2025-10-08T21:45:10","modified_gmt":"2025-10-08T21:45:10","slug":"my-family-is-trying-to-ruin-the-one-good-thing-that-came-out-of-my-horrible-corporate-job-im-so-mad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/198757\/","title":{"rendered":"My family is trying to ruin the one good thing that came out of my horrible corporate job. I’m so mad."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

A decade ago, I was climbing the corporate ladder and making insane amounts of money, but the burnout was real and I ended up in the hospital. My life now is much lower key. I make enough to pay my bills and enjoy a life out of the office.<\/p>\n

Here is the thing: I bought a lot of stock for my nephew, \u201cJonah,\u201d my brother\u2019s son. He was the only kid on both sides of the family, and I wanted to provide for him. The stocks went really well. Jonah has over $100,000 set aside for college when he graduates in a few years.<\/p>\n

In the years since, my brother divorced Jonah\u2019s mom and married a woman with two kids of her own. My sister also became a mom, deciding to go the single mom route with a sperm donation. Neither sibling is especially good with money and frequently took handouts from our parents. Only our dad finally put his foot down and said the gravy train was over. Now, my brother and sister are eyeing me as their new piggy bank. Both have made multiple comments about how I favored Jonah and ignore the other kids. I don\u2019t\u2014except for the college fund.<\/p>\n

First, I don\u2019t make that kind of money anymore. Secondly, frankly, I don\u2019t think any reasonable person would expect me to sign up for an eternity of paying for whatever potential kids my siblings decided to have. Everything broke down when I visited last month. I got tickets to a sporting event and invited my brother and Jonah. His stepkids happened to be at their dad\u2019s that weekend, but that fact didn\u2019t stop my sister-in-law from complaining that I treat her kids like \u201csecond class citizens\u201d compared to Jonah. She did this in front of Jonah and my brother did zip. It left everyone so uncomfortable that Jonah went back early to his mom\u2019s, and I went to stay with my sister. But that was a big mistake because my sister continued the conversation about how I was being unfair and should split the college fund around all four kids. I finally told my sister to shut it and if she was struggling financially for so long than she made the mistake of not getting knocked up by someone who could pay child support. I ended up staying in a hotel until my flight back.<\/p>\n

Basically now both my siblings are pissed at me and I am mad right back. I am thinking of skipping the holidays all together now. What should I do?<\/p>\n

\u2014Hated Uncle<\/p>\n

Dear Hated Uncle,<\/p>\n

Yeah, your siblings are way out of line here. It might be worth a break. Your siblings are out of line expecting you to bankroll all of the other kids. I get that it might feel unfair to them, but they\u2019re not entitled to your money. Like you said, you bought him stock at a time in your life where you could afford to do so. It doesn\u2019t mean you love Jonah more than the other kids\u00a0 \u2014 frankly, it sounds like they\u2019re trying to guilt you into forking over cash. Which is unacceptable for anyone, but especially hurtful coming from family. Worse, they\u2019re also putting Jonah in an awkward position.<\/p>\n

Skipping the holidays might be the best move here, because it might give everyone some time to reflect and back off a little. Your sister and sister-in-law were completely out of line, but your comment about your sister \u201cgetting knocked up\u201d was also disrespectful. It probably made things worse. You were pushed to your limit, but that kind of language only fuels the fire.<\/p>\n

So yes, a break might be in order.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not about punishing your family or never talking to them again. You\u2019re simply trying to protect your peace and keep things civil with everyone. If you do decide to show up for the holidays, you have to set clear boundaries ahead of time: no discussions about money, no guilt trips, and no using Jonah as a bargaining chip.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

I am terrible with money and have a lot of credit card debt. My more financially stable parent spends all their money so I grew up this way. No savings, minimal retirement accounts, living in a dilapidated home\u2026 It\u2019s almost like looking at the ghost of future me. I also had a financially abusive relationship in early adulthood and was homeless after I left.<\/p>\n

I relinquished finances to my husband and reported my credit cards lost. I asked my husband to hide the replacements so I don\u2019t get my grubby paws on them! Removed saved cards from the phone and canceled recurring charges. I monitor my credit report (family member previously used my identity while I was a minor). I am also in therapy. We make good money but we live paycheck to paycheck. But I have ADHD and need practical advice for managing the shopping addiction, not just therapizing this to death. I\u2019ve been purging excess belongings and the shame intensifies looking at the financial mistakes. Even though I know it\u2019s just the consequences of my actions.<\/p>\n

\u2014Living With the Consequences<\/p>\n

Dear Living With the Consequences,<\/p>\n

Money management doesn\u2019t come easy for most of us, and when those issues are tangled up in trauma and neurodivergence, it can feel almost impossible to get your financial life together. Don\u2019t be so hard on yourself. You\u2019re not just trying to learn to budget better, you\u2019re trying to change habits that have been engrained in you for years\u00a0 \u2014 that\u2019s no easy feat.<\/p>\n

You said you don\u2019t want to therapize this to death, so I won\u2019t. Okay, maybe just a little. Check out the work of financial psychologist Brad Klontz, who came up with a framework for figuring out your \u201cmoney script,<\/a>\u201d which is basically the story you tell yourself when it comes to your finances. It\u2019s a lot easier to deal with your financial behaviors once you understand what drives them.<\/p>\n

With that said, how do you deal with those behaviors? Here are some practical strategies that might help:<\/p>\n

Automate everything you can. Set up automatic transfers to savings, even if it\u2019s $10 a week. Use autopay for bills. The less you have to manually manage your finances, the fewer chances to make impulsive decisions. Your cognitive load will also be much lighter, which makes it easier to have willpower when it comes to overspending.<\/p>\n

Track your spending. Speaking of overspending, you mentioned shopping addiction. Track your spending for a month<\/a>\u00a0 \u2014 you might be surprised at what you find. Write down everything you spend your money on for even just a week, then look for patterns. When are you overspending? Where? On what?<\/p>\n

Use the cash envelope method. Set aside a fixed amount each week for various discretionary spending\u00a0 \u2014 $50 on takeout, for example. Pay only with cash and stuff it in an envelope (or some version of that)<\/a>. When the money is gone, it\u2019s gone. This creates a hard boundary without relying on willpower alone.<\/p>\n

Block shopping websites. Delete any apps you use for shopping, then use a browser extension<\/a> to limit your access to shopping sites.<\/p>\n

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Create friction before purchases. Make it a rule to wait 24 hours before you buy anything over, say, $100. ADHD brains benefit from slowing the loop between impulse and action<\/a>. Try other hacks that create distance between impulse and action. Maybe a sticky note of encouragement on your credit card\u00a0 \u2014 \u201cyou can do this\u201d\u00a0 \u2014 whatever works for you.<\/p>\n

Track your wins. Keep a journal or app where you record every time you resist a purchase, pay down debt, or make a smart financial choice. Find simple ways to celebrate those moments, because it will give you the dopamine hit your brain might be craving.<\/p>\n

Find community. There seem to be more and more ADHD-focused finance groups and resources popping up: RenaFi<\/a>, The Money and Wealth Community for Neurodiverse \/ ADHD Entrepreneurs<\/a>, ADDA\u2019s Money Matters for Adults with ADHD<\/a>. You could also start your own!<\/p>\n

As for the shame, you\u2019re dealing with the aftermath of a rough financial upbringing, an abusive relationship, and identity theft. Cut yourself some slack. You\u2019re learning skills that all of us struggle with\u00a0 \u2014 skills that you were never taught in the first place.<\/p>\n

\u2014Kristin<\/p>\n

More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

I\u2019m at a crossroads in my career and could use some advice. Currently, I\u2019m in a role with Company A, which while not perfect is pretty good. The possibility for long-term growth is there and the benefits are great. The pay could use some work\u2014I still live paycheck to paycheck despite a management role\u2014but we get two small bumps annually. Bonuses are arbitrary and not goal or sales-based. Company B is trying to poach me, and I\u2019m looking at a significant five-figure increase in my pay.<\/a><\/p>\n

The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":198758,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[8786,64,63,99,186,180,184,185],"class_list":{"0":"post-198757","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-au","10":"tag-australia","11":"tag-business","12":"tag-finance","13":"tag-jobs","14":"tag-personal-finance","15":"tag-personalfinance"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/198757","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=198757"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/198757\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/198758"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=198757"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=198757"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=198757"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}