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<\/p>\n\u201cGetting the support back from the club and from family and friends, saying it was the right thing to do, gave me some comfort and some reassurance that I was doing the right thing, and I should attack it with 100 per cent [effort].\u201d<\/p>\n
The journey started as Hollands\u2019 mental health began deteriorating towards the end of last year, and he began distancing himself from key support networks in his life.<\/p>\n
After flagging his mental health struggles with key leaders in the football department in January, he had to fess up that, despite the support he\u2019d received, he wasn\u2019t on top of his struggles when round one rolled around in March.<\/p>\n
Both coach Michael Voss and Hollands decided the best option was a break.<\/p>\n
Many assumptions were made about what was ailing Hollands \u2013 who had been traded back from the Gold Coast at the end of 2023 \u2013 and the lifestyle he was leading.<\/p>\n
Social media had a field day with rumours, but there was neither glamour nor scandal in what Hollands was experiencing in the early months of this year.<\/p>\n
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Blues (from left) Elijah Hollands, Jacob Weitering, Harry McKay and Oliver Hollands sing the club\u2019s song after the win over St Kilda in round nine.Credit: Getty Images<\/p>\n
Hollands had a battle with alcohol, an issue he was aware was part of his family history.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn some of the darker times, I turned to alcohol to cope with some of the stresses I had been putting myself under, and the mental fatigue and battles I had been going through.\u201d Hollands said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt very much has been a thing I have done in isolation, which is obviously a battle. It hasn\u2019t been a thing where I have been out with mates and taking things too far in public areas \u2013 it\u2019s been in isolation and at home.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hollands hoped the short break would be a circuit breaker where he could work on some of the issues that contributed to how he was feeling, and then get going again.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was sitting in the back of my mind that I was missing footy,\u201d Hollands said.<\/p>\n
He watched the Blues lose their first three games, thinking, \u2018I should be out there\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is certainly that element that you are letting your teammates down, and you are letting your club and your fans down by not being out there participating,\u201d Hollands said.<\/p>\n
He began training again and returned to the team alongside his brother Ollie by round six \u2013 his elite decision-making, foot skills and courage helping the Blues rebound as they won three of his first four games. He then headed to Sydney to face the Swans on a Friday night.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was just having a horrible game,\u201d he recalled.<\/p>\n
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Hollands ball use was on display against Geelong in round 7Credit: Getty Images<\/p>\n
\u201cI was not doing any of the things I would usually do typically well, which was playing with me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember just feeling like a complete pedestrian out there. In the last quarter I came off the ground and I just could not breathe. I went to the bench and told our psychologist I could not breathe \u2013 I could not settle down, [and] my head was spinning. I was almost having a mini-panic attack, which I had never experienced before out on the field,\u201d Hollands said.<\/p>\n
\u201cObviously, even during that period when I returned to the AFL side this year, there were things I was working on behind the scenes, but I felt like it never really translated to on the field. I felt like football has always been a place of comfort for me, but just on this night in Sydney it reached a new level where I felt like that feeling and emotion was coming out with me on the ground.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was a pretty worrying moment because footy had been somewhere I could go to, and all those thoughts I was having away from the club would just disappear, so it was really confronting to have that for the first time, where it really showed up [on the field].\u201d<\/p>\n
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In the days following, Hollands could not shake a feeling of guilt and shame about his performance after the Blues\u2019 16-point loss saw them falling behind in the season\u2019s race.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was turning to alcohol to numb that feeling,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
The club and Hollands mutually agreed the time had arrived for him to have what he describes as \u201ca serious reset\u201d.<\/p>\n
He was admitted to a mental health retreat where he spent four weeks dealing with experts helping him understand his underlying challenges, and to equip himself with the tools and strategies to make lasting change.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt has been the best thing possible for me \u2013 I learned so much during that time. I came out of that, I guess, being myself again, which was the main thing,\u201d Hollands said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve seen or heard numerous times that it is a party thing, or that I don\u2019t care enough about the game, or I don\u2019t want to be a professional and I am out doing all sorts of things, whereas really it\u2019s been [that] I isolated myself from the people closest to me and knocked back support and tried to deal with this thing on my own.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hollands emerged from the facility and spent time reintegrating into his normal life, before returning to the club and reaching a goal to play a couple of VFL matches before the season ended. He showed in the two matches he played he had not lost his talent.<\/p>\n
\u201cI felt like that was going to be really important moving into the break, to get a bit of positive momentum going into the off-season,\u201d Hollands said.<\/p>\n
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So he was a little surprised when the Blues suggested he explore his options, but he was not upset. His first thought was gratitude for the support they had given him when he was at his lowest.<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand now there is some change happening at the club, and I can see why the club has asked me to be part of that change,\u201d he said. \u201cFor me, the most important thing is to keep continuing with the processes I have put in place to help me get better over this period.\u201d<\/p>\n
On Friday morning he trained with Carlton teammates, as he has since the season ended. \u201cI feel fit. I feel strong, and I\u2019m ready to hopefully attack a pre-season,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
He hopes that will be at Carlton because he wants to repay the faith and the support he received to get his life back on track.<\/p>\n
Hollands now knows he can\u2019t stop working on maintaining positive mental health. He has not had a drink since his mid-season reset, and realises he can\u2019t just tick boxes and rebound.<\/p>\n
\u201cPrior to my experiences [with mental health challenges], I was pretty negligent on it, to be honest,\u201d he admitted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just thought that was not going to impact me.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is like an injury. I did my knee in 2020 and the day before, if you had asked me if I ever thought I\u2019d do my knee, I would have said, \u2018No way\u2019. You just think it is never going to impact you, and then it did. It has been a big learning year.\u201d<\/p>\n
The gratitude he has for the support his brother Ollie, the rest of his family and the club gave him is clear. And most importantly, so is his outlook on life.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know I can turn this into a really positive learning experience for me and that, whatever is next for me, I am extremely committed to and looking forward to whatever opportunity may pop up,\u201d Hollands said.<\/p>\n