Oct. 30, 2025<\/p>\n
This piece is sponsored by The First National Bank in Sioux Falls.<\/p>\n
Although Adam Cox<\/a> is head of wealth management at The First National Bank in Sioux Falls, he\u2019s not shy about discussing the financial burdens of his past:<\/a>\u00a0namely, more than $200,000 in student loan debt.<\/p>\n If anything, his transparency and authenticity are what set him apart in the financial services industry.<\/p>\n So when authors Heather and Douglas Boneparth were working on their new book, \u201cMoney Together,\u201d<\/a> about how couples can improve their financial lives, they connected with their friend Cox and his wife, Diane.<\/p>\n The results appear in the book\u2019s ninth chapter, which is simply called \u201cDiablo.\u201d<\/p>\n Diablo<\/p>\n \u201cA deep track from our story is the fact that we had, you know, $220,000 in student loans that I had accumulated to get graduate degrees,\u201d said Cox on a recent episode<\/a> of the \u201cCommon Cents on the Prairie\u201d\u2122 podcast.<\/p>\n He continued, \u201cTo pay those things off, Diane and I really needed a common enemy. And so, we had an account that we called \u2018Diablo.\u2019 It was a savings account where we put all the money in that was going towards paying back that student loan.\u201d<\/p>\n His story resonated deeply with Heather Boneparth, who could relate through her own background with student loan debt.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I first heard your story,\u201d she said to Cox, \u201cit struck me because it was so similar to mine.\u201d<\/p>\n She, too, had borrowed more than $200,000 to earn a law degree.<\/p>\n \u201cI knew I wanted to use your story, but I didn\u2019t know how,\u201d Boneparth told Cox on the podcast episode, \u201cbecause I said, \u2018How can two people with such similar stories have taken away something so different from the experience?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Ahead of the book\u2019s release Oct. 28, Cox invited the couple to join him on the podcast<\/a> for a conversation about their writing process and biggest takeaways.<\/p>\n Here are the highlights from the episode:<\/p>\n Conversations with couples<\/p>\n Adam: You guys have a new book coming out called \u201cMoney Together.\u201d So let\u2019s start with this: Tell me about the book and how it came together.<\/p>\n Heather: The book is about how to communicate better about money with your partner. It\u2019s about all the conversations that we\u2019re not having that we should be having because we know that money is not just money.<\/p>\n Douglas: I think money, in general, is a very tough topic to talk about with people, and I think it\u2019s particularly difficult to talk about with the person you love the most.\u00a0\u2026 Hopefully, when you read a story that resonates with you, or there\u2019s something that says, \u201cAh, that\u2019s us,\u201d we can bring down those walls that are preventing people from having the type of communication that\u2019s necessary to play the game.<\/p>\n Adam: What were some of the big things that stood out as you talked to people?<\/p>\n Heather: I would say that time is our greatest currency \u2014 that time matters so much more than you realize.<\/p>\n And I say that not only in the time that can run out, but also just in the way that we spend our time and how we spend our time each week and how much value there is in creating equity in a couple regarding how we\u2019re allowed to spend our time.<\/p>\n Douglas: Given that so much of this book is figuring out how to effectively communicate with your partner, there is a theme about meeting your partner where they\u2019re at.\u00a0\u2026 There are 1,000 pathways to doing money together, truly, but all of those pathways start by understanding your partner, their feelings and attitudes, how they learn and how they operate.<\/p>\n Adam: Did anything surprise you?<\/p>\n Heather: I think that when we talk about communicating \u2026 it\u2019s not just sitting down and seeing the spreadsheets and talking about the budgets and everything.\u00a0It\u2019s seeing past what\u2019s being said to what people are really feeling. And there\u2019s a lot to glean even from the silence in these conversations.<\/p>\n Douglas: I was surprised by people\u2019s willingness, ultimately, to share their stories with us.\u00a0\u2026 The second surprise would be the feedback we would receive from those couples who then would begin having more intimate and deeper conversations.<\/p>\n Doing money together<\/p>\n Adam: Did you take away things from people\u2019s stories or how they approach money, and did it change the way that the two of you interact with money or talk about it or split things up?<\/p>\n Douglas: Just like in my own financial planning practice, where one of the greatest strengths is drawing on the stories of the households that we serve to help other households \u2026 Heather and I were able to take that same mechanic and apply it to the way that we talked about money and the way that we approached it.<\/p>\n Heather: Doug is, like, a fixer. \u2026 Seeing it modeled in other ways, even just the way that a couple has interacted around these financial issues, he allows for there to be more space in the dialogue around it.<\/p>\n Adam: How do you two stay on the same page with money?<\/p>\n Douglas: A big part of the book is how we drifted apart and, you know, didn\u2019t have the space we needed to effectively communicate around our personal finances. Thanks, COVID.\u00a0\u2026 And we came out of that. We caught ourselves by making the decision to work together and really say: \u201cOK, now is the time. Rather than build resentment, now is the time to bring it all together and start working on this together.\u201d<\/p>\n Heather: Access, consistency, communication, space to kind of let things breathe a little bit without needing to resolve everything right away: Those are some of the main changes.<\/p>\n Adam: You two have really dug in and talked about your money histories and figured each other out.\u00a0\u2026 A lot of couples, I\u2019d say \u2014 dare I say the vast majority of couples \u2014 have not done that work. So how long did it take the two of you to get to that place?<\/p>\n Heather: It\u2019s a practice, not a solution. I think that\u2019s the point. Like, we are deeper into the practice of figuring out who we are with respect for one another, and, I don\u2019t know, maybe some couples will never go that deep into the practice of understanding each other.\u00a0\u2026 This is a book of love stories that have to do with money, and I want people to understand that one of the greatest things you can do is to be more curious about the person that you love.<\/p>\n For the full conversation with Heather and Douglas Boneparth, watch the episode<\/a> of \u201cCommon Cents on the Prairie\u201d at the player below or listen on\u00a0Apple Podcasts<\/a>.<\/p>\n