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BBC<\/p>\nBBC<\/p>\n
Geraint and Elis have been good mates since Geraint’s wife died three years ago<\/p>\n
When Geraint John’s wife Deb died at the age of 43, his world fell apart and some people around him didn’t know what to say or do. <\/p>\n
Then, someone he hadn’t seen in years – comedian and broadcaster Elis James<\/a> – got in touch, they went for a pint and have been close friends ever since.<\/p>\n “I didn’t want to be one of the people who ignored you,” Elis says to Geraint over a drink at the clubhouse at their local football team in London, Dulwich Hamlet. <\/p>\n “Because I’m very aware that is something that happens.”<\/p>\n Geraint says Elis had supported him in a way he’s found helpful: “There’s been probably quite a few times over the last three years that Elis could have been a bit judgy and you haven’t been.<\/p>\n “You’ve seen it for what it is.”<\/p>\n Deb died from pancreatic cancer<\/a> in September 2022 when their three children were 15, 11 and eight. <\/p>\n Geraint had been posting about his experience on social media following her diagnosis and, in the weeks after she died, he began sharing the reality of life as a widower<\/a> with three children.<\/p>\n Elis and Geraint moved in the same social circle in Cardiff in their early 20s so, after seeing his posts, Elis got in touch. <\/p>\n “It’s not just the awful grief, it’s the practicalities of looking after children on your own, because that’s hard no matter how you slice it,” says Elis, 45.<\/p>\n “You haven’t offered to babysit,” laughs Geraint, 44.<\/p>\n “No, I do draw the line,” retorts Elis. <\/p>\n Deb was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in March 2021 and died in September 2022<\/p>\n The pair grew up in Wales – Elis in Carmarthen and Geraint in Cardiff – and now live round the corner from one another in Dulwich. <\/p>\n On a Tuesday afternoon they’re in high spirits as they riff off one another’s jokes and finish each other’s sentences.<\/p>\n “We like the same sort of things, apart from football,” says Geraint.<\/p>\n “Apart from football yeah,” smirks Elis. <\/p>\n Geraint picks up: “Because I’m a Cardiff fan, Elis is a Swansea fan but that doesn’t…”<\/p>\n “It doesn’t get in the way,” says Elis. <\/p>\n Geraint cuts in: “But there’s a bit of, you know…”<\/p>\n “There is friction, there’s friction,” laughs Elis. <\/p>\n Geraint recently went along to watch Elis perform at the London Palladium <\/p>\n Geraint’s friendship with Elis began taking off at a time when he was realising many people feel incredibly awkward speaking to someone who is bereaved.<\/p>\n He said most people expressed their condolences through cooking: “That’s what they do, they say ‘I think I’m going to make it all OK by making a lasagne’.”<\/p>\n “Then you always used to say that ‘then the lasagnes stop,” says Elis. <\/p>\n “Yeah they do,” replies Geraint.<\/p>\n When the lasagnes stopped arriving, Geraint and Elis continued meeting for pints – so what was it that Elis got right?<\/p>\n Geraint and Elis grew up in Wales and now live round the corner from one another in London<\/p>\n “I think what you’ve been really good at is listening and not providing solutions because you don’t really need a solution, just listening is extremely helpful,” says Geraint. <\/p>\n Elis says his wife, who has lost her father, gave him really helpful advice: “She said ‘you can’t change it and you can’t take the pain away, but you can listen’.<\/p>\n “And I think if she hadn’t said that, I’d have walked in to the pub thinking, ‘right, I need to say the thing that’s going to make it all better’. But you can’t.”<\/p>\n Geraint has experienced some people “making it about themselves… which makes you feel even worse”.<\/p>\n He adds: “I’ve had some absolute nonsense – ‘I was there and you didn’t get in touch’. I’m like, really?”<\/p>\n Geraint and Deb got married 10 months after meeting and had three children together<\/p>\n The past three years have presented some really challenging moments for Geraint – one being Elis’s wedding.<\/p>\n “It was like a year-and-a-half afterwards and I went on my own, I knew a few of the Welsh boys, which is really nice but I had this overwhelming sense of ‘oh, God’. It all came back and I actually left.”<\/p>\n “There were a lot of people from our past at my wedding,” replies Elis. <\/p>\n “I understand that’s, you know, difficult.” <\/p>\n Deb and Geraint’s three children were 15, 11 and eight when she died<\/p>\n Among the more serious conversations, much of the banter today centres around a challenge the pair have taken on to raise money for the hospice where Deb died – St Christopher’s in Sydenham.<\/p>\n A few months back, Elis messaged Geraint a video of him winning the dad’s race at his child’s school sport day and Geraint spotted an opportunity. <\/p>\n Next month the pair will go head-to-head in a 100-metre race during half time at Dulwich Hamlet FC.<\/p>\n “I’m quite competitive and I’m quite fast,” says Geraint. <\/p>\n “Well, I was, but obviously I’ve had a bit of a rocky three years, so training hasn’t really been happening.”<\/p>\n So how did he talk Elis into that?<\/p>\n “Emotional blackmail,” says Elis. <\/p>\n “I did,” admits Geraint.<\/p>\n Since Deb’s death Geraint has become passionate about encouraging people to be better at talking about death.<\/p>\n He continues to share his experiences on social media and is recording a podcast about grief, Chalk and Cheese with boxer Dean White, whose son Lemar Urquhart was shot dead in Brixton<\/a>. <\/p>\n He is hoping that by speaking out he can educate others about how to support a bereaved friend. <\/p>\n “I put on this kind of happy-go-lucky persona but, you know, there are dark times as well,” he says.<\/p>\n “So if your mate’s going through this, you just you need to listen.” <\/p>\n![\"Geraint](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/c8bd7e90-ba4f-11f0-aac3-4f1fdbb3aa71.jpg.webp.webp\")
Geraint John<\/p>\n![\"Geraint](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/3a1c0430-ba50-11f0-aac3-4f1fdbb3aa71.jpg.webp.webp\")
Geraint John<\/p>\n![\"Geraint](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/22fa8260-ba53-11f0-aac3-4f1fdbb3aa71.jpg.webp.webp\")
<\/p>\n![\"Geraint](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/95a3b070-ba53-11f0-aac3-4f1fdbb3aa71.jpg.webp.webp\")
Geraint John<\/p>\n![\"Geraint](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/aac7f0c0-ba52-11f0-aac3-4f1fdbb3aa71.jpg.webp.webp\")
Geraint John<\/p>\n