Introvert\u2019s Guide: quick links<\/p>\n
As an introvert herself, Jenny Valentish is clear on her approach in The Introvert\u2019s Guide to Leaving the House: if you\u2019re happy with your current level of socialisation (no matter how minimal it is), that\u2019s great, you don\u2019t need advice. <\/p>\n
After all, when you\u2019re giving advice, there\u2019s a fine line between imparting helpful social guidance and suggesting there\u2019s something wrong with being introverted. For other introverts, it\u2019s not that they need \u2018curing\u2019. Rather, \u2018sometimes we can do with a few aces up our sleeves to navigate the interactions of life\u2019.<\/p>\n
Introvert\u2019s Guide: structure<\/p>\n
The Introvert\u2019s Guide delivers 23 chapters framed by one of Valentish\u2019s personal anecdotes, or the wisdom of someone who succeeds at some aspect of social life. The chapters culminate in a \u2018go forth list\u2019 \u2013 some actionable suggestions about things to try. <\/p>\n
The content is quite vast in scope, discussing concepts like social battery, Dutch courage, small talk, phone anxiety and more.<\/p>\n
The wide scope also captures a wide potential audience. Although the title refers to introverts, the subtitle also includes \u2018awkwards, sociophobes and stand-offishes\u2019. The book further discusses clinical diagnoses that can make socialisation difficult, like social anxiety, various forms of neurodivergence and sensory sensitivities and attachment patterns. <\/p>\n
Introvert\u2019s guide: addiction<\/p>\n
Addiction, which can be used to compensate for social anxiety, is also discussed. The upside of this large scope is that there is likely to be something useful for everyone. The downside is that there is an overwhelming amount of advice for so many different situations that readers looking to change their outlook and behaviours will need to take a step back to figure out how they might implement it in a sustainable way.<\/p>\n
Introvert\u2019s Guide: lived experience<\/p>\n
Though big in scope, Valentish\u2019s voice of lived experience goes far in developing a relationship with the reader that feels genuinely non-judgemental. It is clear that Valentish has thought about socialisation in great depth, from many different angles.<\/p>\n
But she still finds herself avoiding events, leaving gatherings early and being unfriendly at an airport. These things are ongoing challenges and as she reflects, \u2018I don\u2019t believe reserved folks can just paste on a huge smile and ramp up the volume\u2019. Her admissions of imperfection impart the sense that there aren\u2019t easy answers, but many opportunities for self-examination.<\/p>\n
Narrative parts of the book are often memorable, especially when Valentish challenges herself to do an activity that gets her out of the house and her comfort zone. For example, Valentish describes entering into a bodybuilding contest \u2013 where she had to parade on stage in a bikini after cultivating muscle definition. She also tries ecstatic dancing and gets her partner to try cuddle gatherings as a means of hijacking the body\u2019s \u2018bonding chemicals\u2019 to feel a greater sense of connection.<\/p>\n
Introvert\u2019s Guide: feeling in control<\/p>\n
Although the book is primarily about figuring out your social life, there\u2019s more to it than that. As Valentish herself identifies, part of the skill of social skills is allowing for a lack of control, or looking for heathy ways to feel in control. Fearing the unknown \u2013 how things will go, what others will say, what others will think \u2013 naturally increases how stressed a person may feel in a social interaction. Learning to not mind being cringe or otherwise negatively judged is a means of becoming more open and authentic. <\/p>\n
Some of Valentish\u2019s techniques allow people to socialise on their own terms, in ways that feel a little less intimidating than completely giving up control, things like assigning oneself a role at a social event, or taking beta blockers, can allow people to better predict how a social situation will go. <\/p>\n
This middle way, of both letting go in some ways and strategically not fully letting go in other ways, feels more plausible than advice often given to introverts such as \u2018fake it \u2018til you make it\u2019 or \u2018stop caring what others think\u2019.<\/p>\n
Underlying this advice is an implicit message of embracing vitality. Valentish discusses activities like solo travel and indulging in ASMR videos, neither of which immediately seem to centralise socialisation. Yet both activities, if of interest to you, can promote feelings of connection \u2013 to a person on a screen, or to the wonders of the world. <\/p>\n
The point is to embrace human experiences. This involves cultivating connections, but it doesn\u2019t have to look like networking or party-going and it is allowed to be solo.<\/p>\n
Read: The Revisionists review: Michelle Johnston\u2019s third novel is a masterpiece<\/a><\/p>\n Valentish\u2019s well-informed, wide-reaching advice will benefit a large audience of readers who feel like they\u2019ll burst if they have yet another small talk conversation about the weather. It comes from a realistic, experiential, and non-judgemental perspective that isn\u2019t invested in the reader being fundamentally different, just a bit less stressed, a little more vibrant.<\/p>\n The Introvert\u2019s Guide to Leaving the House: Solid advice for introverts, awkwards, sociophobes and stand-offishes<\/a> by Jenny Valentish is published by Affirm Press.<\/p>\n Discover more screen, games & arts news and reviews on\u00a0ScreenHub<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0ArtsHub<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Introvert\u2019s Guide: quick links As an introvert herself, Jenny Valentish is clear on her approach in The Introvert\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":29425,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[27975,64,63,457,134],"class_list":{"0":"post-29424","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-books","8":"tag-affirm-press","9":"tag-au","10":"tag-australia","11":"tag-books","12":"tag-entertainment"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29424","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29424"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29424\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/29425"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29424"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29424"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29424"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}