Amanda’s husband would often say things that left her wondering: “How the hell did he know that?”<\/p>\n
“He would mention things, like ‘I know you bitch about me to so and so’, and I thought ‘Oh my God, he can read my mind.'”<\/p>\n
It wasn’t until Amanda, not her real name, was fiddling around with her social media settings that she noticed someone else had been regularly logging on to her account.<\/p>\n
“It all clicked. Because at times he would say things that sounded very much like what I had been talking to family about in a group chat.”<\/p>\n
Amanda’s husband had been using coercive control for many years. The discovery of technology-facilitated abuse left her feeling violated and alone.<\/p>\n
But it also sparked something in her.<\/p>\n
“I was angry. But then there was also this sense of freedom in a way, because I have evidence now that you are being manipulative.<\/p>\n
“It’s not just a feeling.”<\/p>\n
Research has shown that the use of technology to perpetrate violence against women is a rapidly growing<\/a> and serious problem.<\/p>\n It can include image-based abuse, cyberstalking and AI-generated deepfakes, for example.<\/p>\n Between November 25 and December 10, UN Women is running a campaign drawing attention to the alarming escalation of violence against women under the theme: End digital violence against all women and girls<\/a>.<\/p>\n We spoke with Amanda, who has since escaped her violent relationship and works with Advocates for Change, about her experience with technology-facilitated abuse, which also included image-based abuse.<\/p>\n These are her words.<\/p>\n Family and domestic violence support services:Other resources that can help:WIRE:<\/a> 1300 134 130Victims of Crime<\/a> (or your state or territory’s Victims of Crime service): 1800 819 817If you’re in immediate danger, call the police on triple-0The violence escalated after we married<\/p>\n He was not overtly abusive to begin with. The abuse crept in over time.<\/p>\n When we married, that’s when things started to get worse.<\/p>\n There was a lot of coercive control, a lot of making me feel like I was going crazy.<\/p>\n To the point where I had multiple private hospital admissions.<\/p>\n He was always saying I was crazy, that I needed help, but then would get angry when I sought help or went into hospital.<\/p>\n I was beaten down so much that I thought: I can’t survive without this person in my life.<\/p>\n I was worried about little things, like how would I hang a picture frame? Or how would I remember to put the bins out?<\/p>\n Because I was constantly told I was an incompetent person.<\/p>\n He would gaslight me<\/p>\n When I discovered he’d been logging in to my social media, I had already said to him I think we need to break up.<\/p>\n I just had this sudden thought to look through and see what devices had been logging into my account.<\/p>\n He had been accessing it via my personal laptop and his mobile phone.<\/p>\n I was cut off from most of my family and friends, so social media was really my only outlet.<\/p>\n I used to vent to people I trusted and ask for advice.<\/p>\n